Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Project day

Or if you are my body...projectile day.

We had a great baby shower last night, making this thing about as real as it can be. My moms and ashs family went overboard and there is little left that we absolutely need. My plan was to organize it all today but my body has other plans...note to self, hot cocoa is delicious, but best drank when there is absolutely no chance of tossing your cookies. It didn't taste so bad, but i didn't make it a few times in my mad dash and made Ash stay far away due to the appearance of it all over the place.

Once my mind and body are back in sync, I will try and post more, but I can't promise how long that will take.

-- Post From My iPhone

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Christmas is over...

I can't say I am not thankful it is. Stressful trying to get gifts people will like, the running around last minute and all day christmas visiting, and the time it takes to recoup! Ash and I were talking on the way down to see family, how a carseat would fit into a car full of presents, a dog crate, and two very anxious dogs. It's strange to think that next year there won't just be two of us, but three.

Madelyn had her own stocking at my moms house. Our stockings are labeled with baby pictures, hers was with an ultrasound shot. She received some sippy cups and hair bows. Later, at my dads, she got a Columbia vest and pink cameo jumpsuit from cabel.as (my dads fave place). She also got a blanket, some clothes, and toys. She isn't even here yet and already raking in the presents.

The pink vest really put ash into a "omg this is real" moment for some reason. Not the crib, the ultrasounds...but a pink vest. Boys are strange. He is also starting to understand when I am tired or don't feel well, I think he is really trying to taking care of me when he can see how I feel. He's even patting the belly unconsciously when I kiss him goodbye in the morning (usually he is still asleep). It's pretty adorable.

Speaking of adorable, my nephew danger is visiting this week along with his parents (my siblings). Omg he is amazing. Giggly and smiles all day. I think he has cried all of three minutes this week. I have never seen such a happy go lucky kid. I only hope our child is as awesome as he is. What a cool kid.

-- Post From My iPhone

Monday, December 21, 2009

My last post

Yes that was one of my many rants. I just needed to clarify that none of those comments are directed to people who actually know me. It seems I become open season to random people at work or that I come into contact with throughout my day. Because, well if you knew me, you'd know that I one hundred percent care about my child and would gain 50 more pounds if she would just gain one.

Just thought that clarification might be necessary as I am not here to hurt the feelings of those around me.

-- Post From My iPhone

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Shut yo mouth.

Seriously. Why do people feel the need to express their opinion to pregnant ladies? If there is one thing I will learn from all of this is to keep my mouth shut and not offer my say in other peoples business. Lemme explain.

Pregnancy is different for everyone. So just cause you floated through the air glowing while pregnant 20 years ago does not mean I should be. Also, my pregnancy is not "hard" because I read too much or look up information....sometimes people have a harder time carrying a baby. I am not imagining the large ass veins that sting when I stand, or the newly added swollen ankles from working all day. Yes, I "read" my uti/kidney stone (whatever it was) into existance and my nausea until month six (knock on wood). So please...lady at work...I do not need your opinion and to be perfectly honest unless you are billing me 300 dollars an hour, I think I'll trust what my doctor and genetic counselor are saying before you. Thanks.

Random people - thank you for commenting on my size/weight gain/food preference/or guessing my due date for your amusement. I appreciate it. Yes, it's my fault that the baby is smaller than she should be because i am not eating enough or being off my feet more. Oh, and next time you comment on how small a pregnant women is...you may not know she has just gotten bad or disappointing news that her baby isn't growing as fast as they want and gets to stay on high risk, causing her to go into panic attacks about stillborns or early arrivals or hell, freaking out in general.

OF course...it's cause i am doing something wrong! It must be.


End of rant!

-- Post From My iPhone

Friday, December 18, 2009

12 weeks to go.

Or less. Really it's up to Madelyn. What's funny is I called my hr dept to get the packet regarding short term disability and was surprised at their "call us as close to 30 days before you give birth, then we will send you the info". Really? In my mindnumbing prediction of the future, I would be happy to call exactly 30 days before, but there is very, VERY little chance I will know this magical date prior to it happening. I just wanna know how the pay will work, I know it will just be pennies in comparison to what I can make working, but it would be great to at least have something in writing.

12 weeks. Crazy that I will be a mom, give or take a few weeks.

At times, all I can do is stare in wonder at how my belly is moving and growing a baby, other times I can only try and calm my nerves...trying to convince myself I can do this. The financial aspect, the sheer reality of this life changing experience, there are so many thoughts going through my head, it feels like it's expanding just as much as my belly.

-- Post From My iPhone

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Yay for the third trimester!

Rounding third base and heading for home plate. This is all becoming so real and so quick! We were able to see Madelyn on the big screen yesterday, she is about 2 lbs and 2 oz and seems to be growing great. A little small (37% percentaile) so they want to keep watching...more ultrasounds! Which is both a good and a bad thing....we get to see her every 4 weeks, bad news is the sheer cost of it all! They forgot to bill our insurance for the first high risk one, we got the bill in the mail for 1400.00! Jesus.

I am really starting into the super uncomfortable stage, filled with leg cramps, waddling on a bad nerve, and stretching that almost hurts just sitting here. That uti cleared up so quickly, I am pretty sure it was actually a kidney stone. I've had one other one in my life and it was pretty painful, but once it was out, it seemed to go away.

In baby stuff news, I am lucky enough to have two cousins just finishing with their infant girl stuff and a brother with his infant boy stuff...being last in the bunch is also like hitting the jackpot! I helped out one cousin yesterday with her holiday cookies and walked away with bags of goods with the promise of more if I need it. How awesome.

So far the things I haven't had to buy -
A swing
A breast pump
An extra carseat (for Ashs car)
A sling (whohoo!)

Now if only I can locate a babysitting guru that wants to swap my need for Friday nights/Saturday nights for some weekday help!

-- Post From My iPhone

Sunday, December 13, 2009

An extremely long day

It seems that this kid wants to be an only child. Badly.

I can't even fathom putting my mind and body through a second one of these unless I am a stay at home mom that can put my feet up when I need to.

Today was no different. It started out like any other. Tired, crampy, uncomfortable.
By one, I was starting to get those question mark cramps that hurt enough to question if they were bad cramps or normal just harsher. It turned into painful, crazy cramps and .... Tmi coming...

Peeing blood. Alot of it.

I ended up at my doctors for a same day visit. I was glad to find out they were available on a Sunday. They confirmed a uti. Apparently what would normally have me crying and simpering non pregnant is painless when pregnant. I didn't even know.

The doctor did measure the baby and check the heartbeat. He also told me she is laying diagonal instead of straight up and down...which was cool, because I had thought that was how she was. She moved alot for him and he commented on her "good" viability which was comforting.

I waddled onto work and am just now settling into bed. This weeks agenda is super low key with alot of footrests and water in my future. We have a few things scheduled but I am hoping I can spend alot of downtime just relaxing. I am also hoping I can kick this bladder thing in the butt.
-- Post From My iPhone

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Blustery cold

15 degrees. That's the temp I drove to work in today. Which is funny becase I don't live in Alaska so I didn't sign up for this. This weather makes me realize that I may need a maternity coat to make it through this new "northwest style winter". We are used to semi cold, rainy Decembers with 4 days or so of snow. Not this no rain and windchills that rival Chicago.

The babe is moving and grooving. We were able to marvel at my belly as the punches came from everywhere. She is starting to get crazy active and no longer moves at a slow lovely pace but rather an all day fest. I passed the gestational diabetes screen with flying colors...take that old ladies that say sugar is bad during pregnancy... I love me some sugar and am and have been well equipped to process the fruit of the gods since my early days. Seriously, this author used to eat m&ms as an only source of nutrition for a good two years in college.

Only 99 days till my due date, and 8 days until the third trimester. How fast time has flown.

-- Post From My iPhone

Saturday, December 5, 2009

The holiday conundrum

Do I spend money on the nursery or buy Christmas presents? I need to get those wall graphics ordered but I still have most of my list to do for Xmas. Not to mention two...count them TWO speeding tickets I have to pay for. Man, that second job would have come in handy about now. I have the opportunity to help them out on the one Saturday I have off during this holiday season... It seems a shame to put that one day to work but it is also some pocket money. On one hand it's 40 bucks I would probably make, on the other it's just 40 bucks! I need more like 500!

Anyhow, enough of that.

Normally we spend a good deal on Christmas, clearly this year is going to be less but I fight the urge to just bear down and just get people what I wanna get them. Take my grandparents for instance, usually we go and get them something they don't need, so I have resolved to just buy them Frangos and be done with it. Frangos are supposed to be a great gift, but I don't know if they would be offended by the small gift.

This is why I am starting to hate the holidays. So much agony over selection of a gift, making sure it doesn't offend or show we care about them less. I want to just make candy plates and be done with it all.

Oh well.

Three more months till babydom, focus Melissa focus.

-- Post From My iPhone

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Sweet sugary goodness

Prepare for a long post...I have plenty of time on my hands!

I am currently sitting here at my doctors office waiting for an hour to have my glucose measured for the gestational diabetes test. Or die-ya-beat-tes as that old actor from the commerical pronounces it. I drank the sappy sprite stuff and now it's the hurry up and wait portion of the evening.

If they would let us leave, there are a hundred or so things I could picture myself doing or items I could cross off my to do list. But they won't. Not even across the street to my mecca, target.

Before we got here, we had to return a Christmas Tree to costco due to a fire hazard burnt plug and our mission is to find a cheaper one at target, maybe using the rest of our new cash bounty to buy our remaining decorations we need for our house (stockings etc) or perhaps some diapers to add to the pile.

On the shower front, my mom has officially scheduled a small one for while our family is visiting during the holidays. I am thrilled to finally get the ball rolling. Not that I am a freak on the free present front... Just that this hiatus of buying baby stuff I have been put on is killing...no...KILLING my ocd need to get everything just in case this baby comes early. Cause that could send me into a sugar induced coma just on it's own, no need for a flat sprite that's 90% sugar to do that trick.

-- Post From My iPhone

Thursday, November 26, 2009

All that anxiety...

Worked up into a big ball of crazy last night. I was at work and started feeling tight and uncomfortable in my belly...then the s*%^ hit the fan. Not literally.

Sharp pains and some intense cramping that started putting me into a panic when they didn't go away and were more intense and seemed to be spaced out to where I could time them. It felt like i had ran a 5 hour marathon and had to double over due to side cramps I called the Doctor and he wanted me into labor and delivery right away to get checked out.

So, I drove in rush hour thanksgiving weekend traffic and didn't get to the hospital until almost an hour later (my work is 25 minutes from the hospital and 45 from my house). By the time I got there, the cramping had decreased but I was getting uterine cramping and short sharp cramps inbetween on my side. They hooked me up to a fetal monitor, did a cervix check and a full term test. Four hours of monitoring and they released me with the lecture "drink more water, rest more, do less".

They apparently had four of us with a march due date and similar complaints at the same time. I had the only girl and both nurses kept commenting on how strong and active the baby was, they were impressed. She didn't stop kicking the fetal monitor the entire time. I was grateful for the reassurance but it made me wonder about the other ladies in my situation on the same floor, I hope they all were sent home with a slap on the hand and not bad news.

This morning she was a little less active, but my morning violent nausea and headache told me she was clearly okay.

As my friend keep saying, I am baking a drama queen.

-- Post From My iPhone

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

The showering

No, not the naked kind.

The kind of shower that fills a room with the things you may need for a baby. Having hit 6months today, I am starting to freak out about stuff I don't have yet for Madelyn. I am a planner and a shopper of clearance items that has been stopped dead in my tracks, told to no longer buy things till after people have had an opportunity to give us the small things.

But, here's the dilemma....

We are coming into the holidays, so no showers are being planned. After Christmas, everyone will be spent and I have a feeling there will be no shower in the works and I will be 8 months along...leaving me to freak out even more that I don't have the things we need for the baby in case she comes early. I am paranoid this kid is coming early. We still don't have a carseat, bedding, a bassinet/playard thing and bottles. The things list I don't have is longer then the list of things I do have.

My friend has mentioned wanting to throw one, my mom is throwing a mini one the day after Christmas for out of town guests, and my coworkers have also mentioned maybe doing one.... But nothing is set in stone. This would to a normal person would be fine enough, but I am crazy right now. Usually I am the one throwing the shower so my planning instinct is coming to rear it's ugly head.


-- Post From My iPhone

Monday, November 23, 2009

Pumpkin pie is almost here

I can't wait for thanksgiving. All of the food sounds amazing. I have to eat smaller amounts now more often, I think my stomach is being squished. I even requested a cheesecake from my chef uncle (they are amazing and I really want one!) so I hope he comes through!

We may have a soccer girl on our hands. She is kicking away and even slightly grossed out ash by kicking his hand so hard he jumped. Imagine if he were in my shoes! Madelyn (officially her name now) is awake most of time... Especially when I am not working and moving around. He would have a hard time dealing with all of the karate kid action I feel. He also was able to hear a faint thumping when he put his ear to my stomach. Everyday this baby becomes more real to him.

-- Post From My iPhone

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

And let of sighs of relief begin...

We got up exceptionally early to make our doctor appt at 8 am. The new ultrasound tech did a much better job this time around at keeping us in the loop on what was going on and what she was looking at. To ease our minds before she dived deep into the organ snapshots, she got us the money shot.

The old wives tales are untrue. All of the mother intuition and cravings, not to mention the missing silky smooth hair and glowing skin, are wrong. Ash and I had to verify she was sure this little babe was a she. The darling father's face didn't go all white, but you could see the football and soccer aspirations go down the drain in his eyes. And oh god, I am about to be drowned out in pepto bismo pink. Super.

The genetic counselor was amazing and really put us at ease. She walked us through the possibilities and told us that as far as she's concerned, everything is ok. They see this alot and most the time it's absolutely nothing. In our case, it's a 1 in 5000 chance that anything else is wrong using information they have. No tripsome 18 or downs and very little chance of stillborn.

We get to move on and enjoy this pregnancy as best we can without more stress. Now to drown ourselves in baby pink.

-- Post From My iPhone

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Two days

Our big appt is Tuesday. Two more days until we know for sure that the baby is a okay. Two more days until we know if this baby is a Desmond or a Madilyn....unless of course we change our minds about these names.

I have been Mia in the blogging, there isn't much to talk about lately. Just us waiting for better or more news. Kid's kickin strong, Belly is expanding, and i am still getting a variety of strange and unusual symptoms that are irriatating and lovely at the same time.

I went to a bachelorette party this weekend, man o man I cannot wait to have a glass of wine or a lemon drop when this is all over. I think I may throw my own post partum party just for the excuse to get together and have a few drinks with friends. I am not a super crazy person about drinking, but when you can't do it is when it sounds like the best thing ever.

-- Post From My iPhone

Monday, November 9, 2009

The banning of dr google

Been put on restriction from researching anything baby related that has to do with health issues. The anxiety and stress was killing me.

The baby is moving and kicking, a constant reminder that things are supposed to be okay. We are moving on the positive bandwagon and have another shopping trip planned for tomorrow. Ikea! Yah!

I think my ever popping belly is starting to get ash to think baby, which is good. Sometimes it was easy to forget we were having a baby when I wasn't showing, at least for him. Now, it's super obviously in your face, except those lovely naysayers who comment on how I don't even look pregnant. It's all those beerbongs I apparently have been downing.

We have decided that at the big ultrasound, we are going to go ahead and learn the sex (I may have already mentioned this). Maybe calling the baby by their name will help us, plus it makes my decor craziness a little easier.

-- Post From My iPhone

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Threat level: orange

As we went about our day yesterday, full of love, baby joys, and planning we had no idea that we were about to hit a shit storm when we walked into our followup doctors appt. Seriously, we ordered the crib hours before and were in one of those giggly naming moods. We were given the results of our ultrasound, the one we were told was "just fine" by the tech, and was hit in the face with some new details.

Our baby, the one moving inside me as I speak, has a two vessel cord. This is a one in hundred deal that has a potential of stillborn and a multipitude of medical complications that can affect the babys health and wellbeing. Oh yeah, but it might be nothing too. We were floored. We went from low risk to high risk in a matter of seconds. With a referal to a specialist neonatal physician in hand for a level 2 ultrasound, we were sent on our way to stir in our own doubts and fears until I can get an appt scheduled.

Google has been both my friend and my enemy today and last night. Countless women delivered normal healthy babies.... While countless others woke up one morning to deliver a baby that was no longer living. I don't know what to think. I want to stay positive, I know the baby has very little likelihood for the medical deformaties that is on one side of this...everything appeared within normal range in the organs (easiest indication of a problem) but the issue of possible stillborn makes me want to throwup I am so worried. I may be overreacting, but I have nothing else to go on. My mom and mother in law are both nurses, and when this news scares them, it makes me want to curl up in a ball with a Doppler and not reemerge unless I have a healthy infant in my arms.

The only things I can do is not stress (great, now you tell me) and be careful to not over do it. Bye bye coffee shop job, I can't fathom working one day a week just cause for 8 dollars an hour and risk my babys life. I am going to buy one of those retail Dopplers, stay off my feet more, and really stick to the rules on food, weight limits, and break schedules.

I am Jacks stressed out mama.

-- Post From My iPhone

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

A little help required....

I am a defunct color picking momma.

With the paint colors up on the wall, I need to get these wall stickers ordered asap to start being able to fully put the room together. The wall colors are bright, as in a blue/aqua and orange chair rail shown in the picture below. The fabric for the crib quilt and maybe a pillow or two is in primary colors and is ridiculously hard to locate but I think I found a source. As you can see, there are alot of colors to work with. But mainly....I need help deciding on the wall graphic colors.

The large giraffe/turtle graphic I am leaning towards a primary blue color and lime green (kinda like shown). We are also going to have a lion (primary red?), grass (lime?) and a sign pointing to the jungle (yellow?) that both will be on top of the blue/aqua color. I could also introduce a brown if necessary as the furniture is espresso (and the only thing brown in the room at the moment)....

We did just order the crib, after changing from the original option (didn't convert into a full size). The bedding will most likely be all white minky dot material with the only pattern on the blanket itself.

So....what do you all think?

Ultrasound Videos and Pictures

Let's see if this works. The video is of our little bug smacking himself in the head with his foot.

Here he/she in a plain ol' profile shot. I think the babe was moving so much that the picture is slightly blurry, kind of looks like he has two faces!

I am also making comments accessible to everyone, not just registered users, as my family and friends are following along and may not have accounts set up!

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Kicking it

Seriously being kicked in the groin over and over again. Felt the first all out punch from the outside just a few minutes ago...although ash has been feeling little punches for a week or two. I also finally hit the 140 mark, I've gained 7 pounds so far.

We had a Halloween party at the house, I am still recovering from the lack of sleep, but overall it went well. A lot more toned down then last year! Next year we'll be back to the crazy costume drunken party we annually will throw till the end of our days.

For Halloween, I dressed up as Wayne from waynes world for work...still too small to wear something that screamed pregnant, so beer gut was an appropriate second.

Anyhow. I did realize the ultrasound tech didn't tell us the baby size or weight so hopefully my Dr will know. For some reason not knowing this makes me crazy.

-- Post From My iPhone

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

A 20 week update!

Fresh from ultrasoundville!

Baby was looking good, on track, and appears to be in good health. The tech did a good job of not showing us the sex and the pictures we came home with are all profile face shots so no one gets out their medical dictionarys and tries to figure it out themselves. Thankfully she told us that even if we wanted to know, we probably wouldn't have been able to... The bug remained super active the whole time and wouldn't sit still or uncrossed his legs for her to get good spinal shots.

We did get video of the bug's foot brush up on his head a few times. Flexible and already trying to kick himself!

I'll post pictures later!

-- Post From My iPhone

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Picture Progression and other ramblings...

It's hard to tell, but my boobs did not get smaller in the second picture, my stomach is just larger! I am up at least a full cup and chest size and have moved into the "bras I bought when I thought was bigger than I actually was" section of my dresser drawer. Besides a growing belly, which I have no complaints over, and a barage of crazy sickness that hasn't seemed to leave my side since the first week of September...I have been a very boring Melissa.

Speaking of the sick. I finally was able to come up with my own diagnosis via my mom and dr.google for the nausea, coughing, sore throat, acidy mouth I had been experiencing off and on for some time.....acid indigestion. I apparently, having never had this before, have had this problem for well over a month. It had gotten severe enough to cause a mimic'd cold to which I was about to kick some serious ass of some coworker for giving me...once I figured out which of the many sick ones had actually infected me with it. A trip to the grocery store at midnight and a purchase of pepcid confirmed my diagnosis and suddenly I feel like a normal person....with a growing belly.

One of the 109 symptoms I seem to be experiencing as of late is crappy hair. Why I couldn't have been one of those with thick locks that shine and glow like a goddess' I don't know. Instead, my hair was turning ashy at the roots as some new craptastic ash brown color started to grow where my reddish brown should have been. This was actually making it look like I was going gray. So, I chopped it all off. I sat down in a chair and said....pixie, but edgy. I ended up with a half kate gosse.lin meets rihanna kind of a do, that hopefully grows out nicely and I can get it re-styled in a few weeks to something more like what I asked for.

The nursery is coming along, as in it is filling full of hand me downs and clearance clothes I find. We haven't painted or even found a dresser. If I could just get a dresser in there I would stop having these panicky looks when I walked in that room. I hate clutter especially clutter that doesn't have a home. It is starting to smell like a baby, which is weird, but we keep the room closed off so the scavengers (aka bustah, sadie, and pita) don't wander in so I think the smell is just from some of the baby bath products we've gotten for registering...but it is a cool feeling to walk in and have it smell like a nursery minus poop.

On a last note, if everyone reading this could comment (hello! is a perfectly acceptable comment) so I can get a feeling on who I am writing to and if anyone out there is still listening....that would be fantastic and it would make me feel less crazy. thanks!
Posted by Picasa

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

A good ol update.

I know, I have been missing.

Super not so hot feeling mixed with super busy at work equals not a blog friendly Melissa.

I know... 18 weeks and still sick with the nausea. Awesome.

My stomach is starting to pull and feel uncomfortable if I stretch, I am thinking things should be popping out in a week or so (like my belly button and a full on "oh when are you due" kind of belly...rather than the "lay off the doritos" kind). I think I've felt the baby moving quite a few times but now I go crazy when I haven't felt him move for a day. I know this is pretty common but still...

Our big ultrasound is in two weeks. I am waning on finding out the sex, 60% of me wants to know if I am right as I think it's a boy.

I should be able to post some more pics this week as things should calm down this week.

-- Post From My iPhone

Friday, October 2, 2009

Omg 5 days have passed

Since I have thrown up or had a migraine. (knocking on wood). I was able to get some migraine meds from the doctor so I will be one happy camper if the symptoms show again. My dr appt went well, besides a few hiccups. It was an Hour and a half appt because of some behind the scenes issue and a hiccup I caused! I happened to throw some why should I questions at the doctor about the swine flu vaccine... Ash and I had some doubts about the haste in the production of this vaccine and without knowing the potential side effects later. I was quickly stopped in my tracks. My doctor said yes, interupting me and a little teary, which was strange. He explained that the woman who had died in my town (puyallup, wa) from swine flu after spending time in a coma and having an emergency c-section before dying was at one point his patient. He was the ob on call at the hospital when the decision had to be made to deliver the 2 1/2 month early baby. I felt awful and like I had offended him. But, now I understand his take, and we will be going ahead with the vaccine.

In good news, I did feel the baby move a few times this week. Felt like little guppies in a fisbowl. In bad news, I have lost three pounds instead of gaining some... This is no good. My baby bump, a full on one now, is coming from somewhere... the pounds must be transfering from other parts of my body.

I am getting weird side effects of pregnancy now. Anxiety about the baby room. Hungry but not. What I call reverse hiccuping (taking in a breath instead of a hiccup but just as often). Crazy heart thumping that sends me into a panic at night.

Overall, it's good to be on my way and not throwing up. That's all I can ask for.

-- Post From My iPhone

Monday, September 28, 2009

A new idea comes to mind...

Dr Seuss is soooo hard to locate and trying to find fabric is ridiculous at best.
I think we are going a new route, now to just get Ash on board.
Posted by Picasa

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Yep more whining

Throwing up like crazy.

Now, migraines. Super.

I am trying not to overdose on the tynelnol, but jesus.

I am hoping the doctor has a remedy in mind when I go in on Thursday for my monthly yep, still pregnant appt. I am thinking I may try a chiropractor or the acupunchure route.

I have been lucky enough to not feel like too much crap at work and most of my worst days at home.

I am starting to get on the get it done bandwagon. We are going to try to pick out the paint color and starting to buy things here and there. It was pretty cool to find out ash has been hoarding some funds for the delivery, one less thing to worry about.

We also looked into the GET program, where you pay monthly towards college from the babys first year. This clutches the pricing of tuition on the year you start too, but damn it's expensive. 350 a month, we were not expecting that. But, it is worth it. And by the time the second one comes around, it will be 700 a month well spent so we don't have to worry when the bill comes due for 4 years of tuition.

-- Post From My iPhone

Friday, September 18, 2009


Baby bug is 100 days old. This is huge.

The bug (which I am fully convinced is a boy) is breathing fluid, moving and summersaulting, and is now the size of a big ass orange! This begins the week that some people can feel the baby move inside, most second time moms and skinny ladies (so says the forums) so me being the latter...I am just waiting oh so impatiently.

Mom is wincing when she can't find her belly band to wear her jeans, hungry but not so hungry she could tear someone's limb off, and still with the nausea. Thankfully I haver thrown up since Wednesday, but damned if I didn't think it was going to happen at least three times yesterday.

I tried to buy something for the baby yesterday, but clothes and dodads just seem trival. Plus I know we will be overrun with those things after a shower or two so I can't justify wasting money on them. Should I start stocking up on diapers or save for something big? My bank has the keep the change savings thing, I should be able to have enough for a crib by December with my shopping habits. But I know the diapers/formula are going to be more neccessity come time when I no longer bring in the bacon during leave. Only problem there is that I have heard some babies don't like brand a diapers or brand x formula. I plan on the boobie feeding method, but there isn't a comfortable place to pump at work...not to mention the 3 out of 4 people I know who tried all had their hearts broken when their milk dried up earlier then they wanted.

Decisions, decisions.

-- Post From My iPhone

Thursday, September 17, 2009

No more Mr. nice guy

The baby has taken over.

Dear bug-

Please stop making your mommy throw up. You must be confused with your age as you should be past this stage by now. Your mommy is supposed to be glowing and eating and eating some more... not sick!

I promise I will give you a puppy, his name is bustah and he will follow you around as soon as you get here! Just no more puking.

Love -
Projectile vomiter/mommy.

Seriously, throwing up at work was my last straw. I need to work and don't have any sick time left for this.
Plus I now can't even fathom eating at subway anymore, thanks kid!

-- Post From My iPhone

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Just checking in...

Pictures of baby gas belly and newest ultrasound!

On Wednesday I had the oppurtunity to see the baby and finally hear the heartbeat (150 beats per minute, thank you very much!). It's amazing how in four weeks it went from looking like a bug with wings to an actual baby in there. Still surreal but much easier to think of my expanding gas balloon belly could actually be a baby. He moved and flipfloped so much that very few pictures and video actually came out the way we wanted. Every detail from his nose to his toes was visable.... God. How cool is that!

Symptoms currently unmining my normal life:

The inability to keep the house clean cause I am too lazy to do it when I get home.

Cancelling on friends due to nausea and or tired ass legs.

In general not being hungry for anything in particular, nothing sounds amazing so I have to force myself to eat something.

No motivation to get anything done. Wedding shower I'm throwing Sunday night....yeah, I will get on that tomorrow.

-- Post From My iPhone

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Throw up city

It finally happened. Threw up this morning and good gracious, it hasn't really ended. I am just waiting this out. We are at week 13 now...or as far as what to expect says we are IN week 14. Craziness. I am hoping this nausea goes away soon. Most reference these weeks as when it goes away, so because I got it late, I am assuming that it may go away by week 16.

Good news this week (amist the projectile food distribution career I have acquired) is that my mom is hooking me up with an ultrasound tomorrow. She works at a doctors office, gastrointestinal I think, that has an ultrasound machine there. As she will not be making any of the appts up here, this will be the only oppurtunity for her to see the baby. I only have two ultrasounds this whole pregnancy so I was willing to jump on that bandwagon. Hey, it's a free ultrasound so I am all about that. Ash isn't able to go so I am a bit disappointed, so is he.

Another cool moment, which technically hasn't happened yet is that ash is up for going to babies r us and registering today. It's a bit early, but his mom would like us to pick out the things we want now. So off we are heading, we will labor thru the big stuff and I can add small stuff later. Thankfully without the gender we don't have to register for clothes, which in my opinion, people don't really follow anyhow. They will buy things they think are cute regardless.

-- Post From My iPhone

Friday, September 4, 2009

What food aversions?

Before pregnancy, you'd have know me as the most ridiculous picky eater ever. Milk more than two days old tastes funky, expiration dates were gold to me and followed to a tee, and some textured foods were never to touch my mouth.

Now, dear lord, now.

The lists of what not to eat while pregnant seems to not be on my mind...ever. Things like lunch meat and tuna, expired cans of pumpkin, it's all good in my head even when I know it may not be. It's like I am tempting fate, but my cravings and need for nutrition see past all of these things and do it anyway.

I've had this argument running in my head for days. Lunch meat is actually considered dangerous for everyone, pregnant or not, and is supposed to be heated. The bacteria can just possibly make you sick and then because you are pregnant, you get more sick potentially. Lunch meat makes up roughly four out of five lunches in my week normally and its been a tough road to find anything to make up the nutrition I need throughout the day. And the tuna, which I totally understand, I just have tried to limit my intake to once a week. Caffiene...don't even get me started on how many different amounts seem to be okay via some study, again all I can do is find a reasonable amount that cane keep me from a migraine and move on with my day.

But seriously, women did more crazy shit and put worse foods in their bodies then I have. And I go totally mental over it...when really all I need to do is relax.

-- Post From My iPhone

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Why hello paranoia.

My 4 week checkup was scheduled for next week and we were to hear the heartbeat then. Somehow the lab had scheduled my first ob for today and when I called the nurse to cancel, she said just come on in today.

The appt went alright. All is well but he couldn't find the heartbeat with a Doppler. I am only 11 weeks and 6 days so this is supposed to be normal. But instead of getting to come in next week, the doctor just wants me in 4 weeks. So...I have to wait 4 WEEKS to make sure everything is aokay with the baby. So get used to paranoid Melissa and her tyrant woes about not hearing a heartbeat and having to wait 4 more weeks to hear it. 4 weeks. Motherf'er.

He did say the nausea makes him feel better because we know things are still moving along. I am glad he feels better, but this gal doesn't.

Oh well. Dammit.

-- Post From My iPhone

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Like a daily hangover

Without all of the fun stories the next day. This past few days, I have felt like throwing up but haven't. Felt totally thirsty but if I drink too much water in the am then I really feel like I am going to hurl. All that "I think I lucked out and missed it" crap is haunting me.

The cat is becoming old news around here. She is now peeing in our dryer if ash leaves it open and peed on her chair with my quilt on it. There shouldn't be any reason she is doing this. She is driving me nuts. We are doing everything right. And if she ever peed on my kids stuff, I would be wearing cat slippers in about two seconds. Craigslist seems to be overrun with adult cats available so the hope is all lost in finding a home for her that she could thrive in instead of hate. What To do. What to do.

-- Post From My iPhone

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Pregnant stress

Went to a motherhood store and started getting a little stressed at the realness of it all. Thankfully I dont need anything for another month of two and i was able to find cute things I would actually wear.

We stopped by a baby depot (like a Ross) and I think I found the diaper bag of my dreams. I am not a baby looney tunes or Winnie kind of gal. If they made a harajuku bag with enough pockets I would just use that....but this one is sweet. I love Paul frank. And the inside is super cute.

It's 50 bucks. But I want it. Bad.

I will probably go back this weekend and just buy it. I don't want to lose out on it as there stock changes and I haven't seen it there before. (last there in may).

I am also hungry. As I post this, food network is tempting me into learning how to deep fry pickles. Seriously, don't those sound amazing. I should be getting ready for my first preg photo shoot. It's in a few hours. I am supposed to bring a few outfits, but I just want a few pictures of me in tank tops, my one pair of jeans that fit, and my converse. Hopefully the guy doesn't get too far from that. It's all I have that fits now as I am too small bellied for a maternity shirt and too big for my normal cute clothes.

Ahhh the stress of it all.
-- Post From My iPhone

A really strange night.

Holy weird batman.

At about 3am I kept waking up (a waking dream I think?) and seeing a shape near the end of my bed. The last of these wake ups, the shape took a little more of a form and went from end of my bed to directly above me on the ceiling.

The shape? No joke. A ghost like one you'd imagine from Casper the ghost with the pointy tail (but not so drawn and cutesy). No arms and no face but clothes like mine. I had never experienced that kind of dream before and my heartbeat went from just beating in my heart to my whole body beating with fear. And a little heartburn to boot.

Ash was downstairs sleeping and he didn't wake up to my panicked requests for him to come upstairs. Ok yelling requests. I worked the courage to go get him and woke his ass up (he was a little pissy at the reasoning) but it still took me an hour to fall back asleep.

Pregnancy dreams = crazy.

Btw. I've been following the funniest pregnancy calendar and wanted to share the link.


Sorry it's not linked properly. I am using the phone to post and blogger app... ahem, blogger? are you listening... Needs this option.

-- Post From My iPhone

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Still in bed.

I am finding it harder to get out of my warm and comfortable bed for fear when I finally do my back will still hurt. Oh sciatic. Can I have a day off?

My miscarriage fears haunt me as soon as I think about going in to a chiropacter or a massuse and getting this thing nipped in the butt. Literally. So I have neglected to look into either, waiting for the second trimester to hit.

Speaking of second trimester, it's just 8 Days away! At least according to my iPhone app...

This has been going by quickly and for the most part painlessly (except for the cramping and back issues). A friend of mine just discovered she's 7 weeks and is busy throwing up every time she breathes, so my woes are far less woeful for her sake.

With my second trimester fast approaching, I want to start on the baby room. Ash, however can't get into this whole thing until I have one of those 7 month bellies. He has trouble remembering I am pregnant, because currently it just looks like I put on a few pounds. Which I haven't, by the way. I want to, I am supposed to, but the scale still says the same thing it did 8 weeks ago. I think he is just seeing my gas baby belly.

Which, fellow work employees...is not where the baby is! You are talking to food and gas when you crouch down and talk to my swollen tummy. Just an FYI.
-- Post From My iPhone

Thursday, August 20, 2009

The feather prince

Yes dears. My life can return to it's normality.

Project runway is back!

I can't wait for every Thursday. Tim gunn is my main squeeze. Heidi could be my best friend.

This pregnancy will go much faster! Not only can I count down weeks for baby, I can revel in my fashionista love of reality tv weekly too!

Pregnancy related blogging - no symptoms. No cravings. A bit of a headache each day. It's hard to remember Im pregnant half the time. But! Baby is growing and has reached the fetus stage regardless of how I feel on the outside. Still in total belief it's a boy, my lack of symptoms and pizza face sway the old wives tales in that favor.

-- Post From My iPhone

Monday, August 17, 2009


I had a dream last night that I had a miscarriage. It was so real. I didn't want to get outta bed this morning to pee for fear that would be the case. Hopefully not one of those deja vu kind of dreams that comes true, I was also chased down by a cop because I nearly ran over someone when I realized what was happening.

A few random thoughts -

When I look at a pregnancy calendar, should I look at the date according to my due date or what my ultrasound determined was the date? I would be 9 weeks 5 days according to my due date (dr even kept this date after the ultrasound) or 9 weeks 1 day based off the size we saw? I question this because I have been counting down the days till the end of my first trimester and I wanna throw myself a celebratory buy something baby related that day.

If people could see me naked, they would be able to tell I was pregnant now. There is a bump... And not a gas baby bump. Ok, there is that too! I can't wait for the gas baby to go away so the real baby can shine in the pictures.

Speaking of pictures, I can't get ash to take any so I can post them... And the dreaded take picture in mirror is not a keepsake memory to me. I have been trying to get with a photographer in the area, but we can't seem to be by our phones at the same time. I would like to do a series up until after the baby is born, like 6-8 pictures in a row framed of no tummy to big tummy, then the last with a baby on the tummy. I guess I may have to figure somehing out! Argh!

Symptoms: My scatic nerve hates me. That is all. Oh and that gas baby, i have to learn to eat smaller meals as to not distrub the delicate flower that is my digestive system at the moment. No other symptoms, my boobs have even called a truce and although they have stayed porn star large, they don't seem to hurt any more. Looks like I may have missed nausea, yah!

-- Post From My iPhone

Friday, August 14, 2009

Mixed emotions

Earlier I had posted about my parents responses to our baby annoucement. I was confused by my mothers un excited moment followed by a friend running into her and them holding a 15 minute conversation seconds after we told her the news. Leaving us sitting around waiting for them to finish. The confusion hasn't ended.

Occassionaly I get the "how are you feeling" message but when I return the call, silence and boredom seem to meet me on the other end of the line. Or the conversation is filled with money issues and how she wishes we could go shopping for baby stuff, but alas her money woes.

I had expected a much different motherly experience. She had been begging for a grandchild for 7 years. She was able to finally get one from my brother and his wife (the baby is two months) and she was over the moon. Hell she's already been to Texas twice in two months since the babys been born. But...this is not what I think is hindering her excitement...

She and my father have this crazy hate relationship that I have been able to look past but they have not. I think the scariest thing for both of them is that they will be connected and have to see each other on a regular basis after this baby comes. She is stubbornly deciding that she should be staying out of it. I don't know. She couldn't even make time to come to the ultrasound probably for fear that she'd run into my dad.

Eventually, this blog may be filled with posts like this, as ultrasound appts and birthday parties come up and these two have to meet. It's a frustrating topic that fills my mind currently!

-- Post From My iPhone

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

A quiet house

It's funny to think that in a span of less than 7-8 months, I will no longer wake up to the quiet pattering of raindrops on my window or a bird chirping.... Or the next door neighbor's dog I'd like to shoot. The house is quiet and even the dogs can't get a handle on why I'm up so early, they've already went back to bed.

I hope time moves more swiftly, as much as I enjoy this moment... I know I would enjoy the giggles and glee (even cries) of the little bug even more. Four weeks seems like forever and 8 months seems so unreal.

-- Post From My iPhone

Monday, August 10, 2009

How it went...

Pretty uneventful I'd say. Fearing an episode of fainting during my five vials of blood work, I over watered myself all morning....a bad bad thing. The stomach ultrasound showed the sac but the doctor was having a hard time so he switched to the vaginal kind. Dear lord that hurt. Plus my dad was in the room so the 12" dildo like strobe bought a little red to my dads cheeks. They were then able to make out the heartbeat, the babys last bits of a yolk sac, and an arm bud. I showed small so my due date is march 17th or ST PADDYS DAY! Super excited.

Four weeks till the heartbeat is heard!

-- Post From My iPhone

Ultrasound today.

Still in the "this will go wrong" mood. I am terrified that the ultrasound will show nothing, and that the minutes between the nothing and switching to a vaginal ultrasound will kill me. My dad will be the only grandparent in attendance so we are going to try a stomach one first...please god let there be something good to look at.

My sister,who is 16 and going through her own terrible teens, voiced wanting to be a part of it. I didn't even think it would interest her, so I will have to find something the two of us can do to make her feel a part of this. The next ultrasound will be more interesting so hopefully we can pull her out of school for one.

Needing all the well wishes I can muster today.

-- Post From My iPhone

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Poo and such

A walking ball of gas and hard as hell poo. But on the positive side... This sinks the deal on my "gotta be a mistake or something is seriously wrong" boat I've been riding. Yay for symptoms that are supposed to be happening to pregnant ladies.

The past few days I have really started to feel the gastrointestinal side effects of carrying a ball of cells. Poo. Heartburn. Gall bladder pain. Gas, good lord the gas. This is making me feel better, as in previous weeks the only checkoff I could make on a "are you pregnant" quiz was sore boobs... which happened to me without being pregnant so you know how much heart I took to that. I actually failed that quiz, only having a 25 percent chance of being pregnant.

I can't wait for Monday. Super excited to finally see the bug or bugs and get that final ahhhhh relief moment.

Random thought: everyone is really getting on me for doing things like bringing in groceries or taking out the trash.... How do people deal with it when there is no one to help them....they just do it, and most the time it ends up fine. Live a little people.

-- Post From My iPhone

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Cramp cramp crampity cramp.

Still cramping and pressure. Still no nausea.

Before when I was in the constant state of two week waitdom, I wish and hoped that I wouldn't have to worry about seeing any spots when I wiped... But here I am 8 weeks into babydom and I am still worried I will see it. Every bathroom break freaks me out. I don't believe I would have this kind of paranoid if I wasn't cramping twice a day.

Speaking of paranoia. I am a freak. Still concerned there won't be a baby in there for the ultrasound (empty sac) or that it's ectopic. Celia and my mother in law have tried to calm my nerves a bit....it's too late to be ectopic and the chances of an empty sac are small so I should stop with the crazy. Pretty soon (yah! 6 days till ultrasound) I will switch my crazy to will the baby have ten toes and if down syndrome is possible (my aunt has it...does it run in the family?)

Oh. I have been banned from doctor google. People think it's making me worse.

-- Post From My iPhone

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Spending my time paranoid.

Speaking of that cramping.

I got a wee bit of a shoulder pain on the way home and nearly died of a panic attack.
Cramps and shoulder pain equal eptopic...right? My doctor seems to think all is well, but dr google still riddles the brain with what ifs.

All google readings indicate that the pain should worsen. My cramps have stayed the same since day one, and the shoulder tip pain only lasted a few minutes.

I wish I was able to relate to someone who hasn't experienced the full borage of symptoms but has experienced the things I have... so I can know it's just not me... And that a live baby can come out of all of this.

God I'm paranoid.
-- Post From My iPhone


This morning...

First 4:30 am natural wakeup... Which I could kill my body and mind for doing. This should not continue if I want to stay a positive and pleasant person.

First pregnancy dream... Well I had the baby and wasn't able to care for and didn't have anything ready for the baby. Like no binkie and no milk supply...etc.

Still experiencing the cramping, sometimes it is worse then other times...but no bleeding so no worries.

Starting to think of myself as "pregnant" which is cool. I only have a week to the ultrasound to make sure everything is on course and a-ok. Ash is still terrified it's twins, he is one of those planners when it comes to finances.... Twins is like a financial bomb to him. Twice the diapers, twice the cars at 16, twice the college tuition and all at the same time. Plus the daycare would make it nearly impossible for me to work, dropping our income about 1600 a month. We could make it work by maybe having that neighbor watch both... But how much would you offer for one child or two? It would probably be Wednesdays from 4-10, fridays from 4-10 and Sundays 4-7. This is under the assumption that a grandparent would watch the baby on Saturdays (either 4 or 6 hours). Seems like so little...

-- Post From My iPhone

Thursday, July 30, 2009

A whole lotta nothin.

Life is the same. No news worth posting here.

We did celebrate our 3rd anniversary yesterday. Some friends had made plans with Ash when I was gone and he had forgotten that it was our day, so we just did dinner with them and didn't mention it. The couple should have slightly remembered, the guy was the best man and all.

Seattle had it's hottest day on record ever at 104 degrees, which is crazy considerig just three years ago it was 63 and windy when we tied the knot (outside of all places).

As far as the pregnancy goes, everything seems to be steadly the same. I was and am experiencing some cramping that comes with over exertion. So much so that I emailed swoon doctor and had to get some reassurance that the world wasn't ending. He seems to think that everything is a-ok unless I have bleeding too....knock on wood that it won't happen.

While I was on my trip, Ash endured the record breaking temps and managed to find the colors I had wanted for paint in the bedroom and surprised me with a item crossed off our pre-baby checklist. Awesome.

Things left to do:
Painting downstairs
Hardwood floors
New drapes
New bedding
Stuff on walls
Bathrooms remodeled

All this before we start on a nursery!

-- Post From My iPhone

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Some practice

As I have traveled down to Texas to visit with my new nephew, I can't help but feel like I don't know what to do when a baby cries. Because I'm pregnant, the jet skis and wake boarding that fill most of this trip are out, so I have gotten to spend more time just hanging out with danger.

When he cries, I don't have a clue on what I should be trying to do for him or how to fiqure out what might be the reason behind the cry.

So much to learn.

-- Post From My iPhone

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Safe and sound

Made it to Texas. It's nice to get together with friends and family. I haven't seen some of my aunts & cousins in four years, so it has already started out as a wonderful trip.

I was told I'd definitely get the start of morning sickness on the plane ride, but alas, I did not! It's funny that I just want one more symptom to appear to make me feel like this is going ok, but when I get that one symptom.. I'm going to want another one! Oh the irony!

-- Post From My iPhone

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Great post never made it....thanks blogger!

Seriously. This is pissing me off. I had written a long post about things and how they were going, and fuckty fuck fuck...it didn't make it. But ironically, this one probably will. I don't have the energy to remember what I had written, but it went something like this:

-symptoms still the same.
-I am not getting anything accomplished lately.
-I have not yet created all of my odc lists of things to complete before a baby arrives, and this is unlike me.
-trying to stay positive and keep that positive energy flowing, maybe all of this will end up as a live baby.

-- Post From My iPhone

Monday, July 20, 2009

No news here.

Still cramping (and damned near freaked out about it constantly) and still not "feeling" pregnant.

I wish I had nausea or an ultrasound to help me curb this "isn't happening" feeling. So far the only sign I have experienced is tighter pants, which could be explained by my actually eating throughout the day instead of a one meal plan I was on prior. Not that I was actually trying to only eat one meal, it's just I was never hungry. Now. I get hungrrrrry.

There is so much to do around here, I wanted to get the house the way I wanted it before we got pregnant but I never would get around to doing any of it. There are walls to paint, furniture to buy, and stuff up on the walls (I know these are not requirements for a baby, but I know we'll never do any of it after).

After my trip this weekend to visit my new nephew, the one born last month, I think I will actually start to work on this whole "life changing in 8 months" countdown.

-- Post From My iPhone

Saturday, July 18, 2009

A beating heart

I just read that as of yesterday, my bug has a beating heart. Even though he's just the size of a grain of rice!
It's hard to imagine but we are a crazy species!

-- Post From My iPhone

Damned blogger app

I've written 5 other posts this week that you never saw. In my app they all look great but if I didn't save and then view the blog to make sure it posted, good chances it didn't. Oh course these blog post took forever to write so here's the briefing cause I'm too pissed to rewrite them all!

- new appt - yahhhh! First ultrasound is on august 10th now! I am super excited!
- first wave of nausea - looking at a jello shot.
- only real symptoms - boobs and peeing, oh and some crazy lightning bolts of pain down my back.
- already need a belly band - my pants are starting to have that "these are seriously a size too small" look.
- wishing I could get rid of my cat, she is driving me crazy and the shear amount of animal hair in the house is giving me the hibbie jibbies.

-- Post From My iPhone

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Announcements and such

We were able to really surprise the parents, no one had any clue which was really awesome because a ton of people knew. We still had my fathers day card for my step dad so we forced a meeting with him and my mom to give him his "present". Included was a note to tell my mom we were pregnant, but he forgot his glasses so thankfully they got the hint when he opened the bag with bibs in it. Later, we met my dad and my step mom at their house for dinner and our job was to bring dessert. I had a cake make at a grocery store that said congrats grandpa and grandma and in tiny letters, march 16, 2010. We were able to last an hour and a half through conversation and dinner before I had to get the cake out of the box and show them. I set it down as my dad was eating and he stopping chewing once he read the words. It was really sweet and I'm glad we had this oppurtunity to finally surprise them.

Symptom checker:
- boobs small again, still sore
- Bumpy nipples. (if it's tmi- screw you! It's my blog! Haha)
-my torso is so veiny, you can roadmap my veins straight to my uterus.
-yawning alot! But not tired.


-- Post From My iPhone

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

So we are pregnant!

It's early. But hell I would rather everyone knew than of something were to happen and have everyone still asking the "are you" question! My first beta was Tuesday and it showed at 83. Most tests up to that point pee wise were showing faint lines on Sunday and Monday so lower betas? I retest tomorrow.

I had to beg them to do betas for my peace of mind, they had scheduled me out for September 1st for my first ultrasound. No heartbeat appt or anything!?

I really feel like this still isn't happening and I'm going to wake up tomorrow with a period. My paranoia is on red alert (pun intended) and I am constantly on google trying to look at symptoms. So far I have a nominal amount of cramping that make me think my period is on the way and my boobs are still getting big...then getting small....then getting big. It's like my body is crazy.

I don't know what the process is, this is my very first and I am so frightened of what can happen, only because I know you all reading this have been there. I'll be looking to you guys for guidance alot so prepare for a bumpy (no pun intended) ride with me.

-- Post From My iPhone

Monday, July 13, 2009

So I was a little vague...

I fear some read this blog that I don't want in on the news (ie family) just yet but I pretty sure I've come down with what breeder beware has! I've an appt this morning to confirm my "sickness".

Once it's official, I'll stop being so vague!

-- Post From My iPhone

Sunday, July 12, 2009

A wee bit of a problem.

Just a wee one. And really it's not a problem.

A lot of thoughts going through my head and I just want confirmation this is real before I discuss any further.

-- Post From My iPhone

Friday, July 10, 2009

Hanging out in the pit of doom

A pit full of bellies and babies.

I am waiting at my doctors office, at the one and only spot it seems to hang out for those blessed with babiness. I rarely go to appts after whatever infliction I felt is gone, but I don't want to deal with the ash tantrum again. So here I am, wasting a 20 dollar copay to tell a doctor I once experienced what will sound like a extreme case of ovulation.

It also is d day number two. I should have started yesterday or maybe today. I have this painful tumor in my head that makes me hold out in hope...when I know I should just stop by the store and pick up some damned tampons and be done with it.

-- Post From My iPhone

Thursday, July 9, 2009

A day of reckoning

God. I hope I don't get my period today. I'd prefer if it was for a good reason rather than just being late.

My boobs are huge, like Victoria secret huge. Which is alot for my size b cup.

Early in the month, I experienced a week worth of really bad cramping near a ovary. Normally I would say it was just normal ovulation, but I had to stop in a store twice to sit down during one of those cramps. I had made an appt, but it was a week out and the day before the appt, I was feeling fine. Ash really wants me to see someone about it, and he threw somewhat of a man-tantrum thinking I could have something wrong with me or worse causing us to not conceive. So the appt is rescheduled for tomorrow to appease the ash god.

My heart goes out to breeder beware. I haven't seen the update yet, but she was hoping for a positive yesterday! Here's hoping!

-- Post From My iPhone

Sunday, July 5, 2009

A time for spending

I'm taking a few weeks off from couponing. Our pantry is full, we've got enough to live off for a few weeks without much need for groceries (just the basics..milk, bread, and eggs). I am on a spending craze. It really feels good to take a break and buy clothes and good yummy wine without a thought about coupons. I think this will be a good routine for me so I don't get burnt out on saving money.

What I have realized is that I tend to focus all of my attention in one direction at a time.... Baby... Groceries... Whatever. Now with the hiatus from groceries, I'm back to countdown to periodoom and the onset of boobwatch. Ah, what fun!

-- Post From My iPhone

Friday, July 3, 2009

Case of the crazies

Yep. It's back.

I am checking the calendar daily to see when I can test. Damn, what is wrong with me.

I haven't cared too much about the drinking or the diet of someone whose trying really hard to get pregnant, just keeping a little chill on that for right now. What I can't keep a chill on is the urge to blog about my symptoms or wonder if day 6 past ovulation is too early to test. I know the answer, I am just refusing to believe myself at the moment.

I appreciate my readers. Sarah, Celia, and Melissa... Just to name a few. Your comments are always loved and enjoyed, the only bad part about this whole phone blogging thing is the inability to comment back.

-- Post From My iPhone

Monday, June 29, 2009

Any number of things

Life is crazy.

Dealing with some family issues, it's surprising to me how little I let me get stressed out now. The current situations, which I will not elaborate on, would have left me in tears and freaking out...now, it's just another day.

Work is great, too much of it, but great. I just got a job offer to work for a bigger line, which means more commission, a raise, and less hours. A triple threat of lovely. Plus I use all of the products so I'll actually save money by working there (free stuff every few months).

Speaking of saving, grocery deals all around. I'm still mad at the crazy buy it all lady, but hey, what can you do. I was able to buy alot of stuff tonight for about 12 dollars, so I am at peace with my coupons. I hope albertsons always does doubles! Super good and cheap food.

I did buy a pregnancy test. Hey, it was on sale. I know i know, it just doesn't add up in case I do turn out to be one of those that tests don't work on, but you can't hate on me for trying. I didn't focus on the ovulation the last few months, so I would like to officially declare that "we are not trying!" to the universe... Just in case it helps.

-- Post From My iPhone

Friday, June 26, 2009

I am Jack's Mental Angst


A few things I'd lime to rant about for a minute.

1. Grocery stores and their "deals"

If you advertise a special, please stock it. And to those ladies out there trying to coupon... Stop fucking it up for the rest of us. When you take all 60 of an item at one store and do this at ALL the local stores, you have not only beat the system, you have wasted my gas and my time so I could get just 5 of those.....5 is how many we would actually eat in a month... not your crazy ass stockpile to last you until the end of time.

2. Working 12 hours shifts

I can't say no and for this I should beat my own ass. I am so tired I couldn't if I wanted too. Trying to make a baby is nill in this whole never have time of my own or even seeing my husband...and FORGET sleeping or keeping the house clean. People always say my house never needs to be cleaned, I am sure they would eat their words now.

3. I am done with pets!

After Sadie, my patience has been worn thin and it's only getting worse. She seems to be better now (wow, doggie aspirin is a miracle) but everytime I turn around there is pee or POOP in my house! My dogs were soooo well trained before, I don't know what's going on. AND when I clean it up, I turn around and someone has puked. Sweeet. PITA is another story, why she chose to pee on our laundry this last week, I will never know, but it would be nice to kick her out of the house so if anyone wants a peeing cat, you just let me know.


-- Post From My iPhone

Monday, June 22, 2009

Sibling jealously

Baby was born last night. I am officially an aunt and officially jealous of my brother. I didn't really get jealous of the pregnancy, just the aftermath of being able to hold a baby in your arms and know that they are yours to raise and love.

I feel badly for my dad, he's officially is a grandpa for the first time but my brother has sided with my mom and they aren't speaking. He didn't even get a email, text, or a phone call. I forwarded the information as I received it including pictures. I tried to broach the subject with my brother and my mom but just got dead response. I kniw that they should be able to feel what they feel, but this is an important milestone and one that should mend fences, not make taller ones. It makes me feel like when it's my turn that I should return the favor, but I'm not like that and unfortunately the only thing I can do is try to involve my dad as much as possible when it's us having the baby so he can really enjoy being a grandpa.

But, I can't wait to meet my newest family member, all said and done.

-- Post From My iPhone

Saturday, June 20, 2009

An unsuccessful attempt

Tried to have a garage sale, my OCD clutter phobia was on overdrive and my closets were calling for a cleaning. Mistakely, I chose late June to have this summer barrel of fun...rain and freezing! Yah!

I have so far sold 4 dollars in two days, and have had less visitors then come to this site in an hour! Maybe I should just do it here!

I figure it's not hitting the right clientele base, I don't own crap and dustables just as figurines.... I have alot of contemporary stuff that just didn't fit into the color scheme I planned for this house. Oh well.

It's only 9am and this thing is supposed to go until 2. 5 bucks bets I don't last past 11am.

In other general news: making my pantry full and o'plenty. Working hard. Nephew is to be born Sunday or Monday (4 years of trying and 3 invitros later).

Starting to wonder what's up with my body: cramping every day even just a week past period and the periods are lasting a long time (7days) last few months. I think it's time for a visit to "swoon" doctor.

-- Post From My iPhone

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Working for the weekend

My second job loves me.

They want me to go full time but the whole point of a second job is to have more money...not less. It's just a lower wage than I can handle as an only job. I've also got to tell him no about extra hours, I am just at my boiling point and could use one day off a week to actually be a day off. Thursday I had alot to do before my afternoon shift with them, a long list that really needs to be done so I can have a garage sale I've been planing for a while. But, he needs me to work a full open to close which leaves me with nearly no time to gather my things and get my head straight.

Hopefully he'll understand. I want to help him because he's a small biz guy that really could use some positive help around the place... but I just can't.

In my month of crazy, I am going full swing into this whole drink if I wanna, eat what I wanna, and spend money on myself...if I wanna.
I needed a break from it all. Too much disappointment. I know that the folks who actually read this have experienced much worse and for much longer, so I feel like one of these breaks every 6 months may be in order so I don't become a crazed negative person no one wants to listen to. (both in real life and in blog life)

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Drunk at 11am

Yes. I am.

I am acting as if this is my last month of crazy. I am at the horse races with friends. It's kinda exciting.

Drunk at 11am. Sweet

-- Post From My iPhone

Friday, June 12, 2009

So I lied.

Sadie is back to bad. It's like another 180 back to sick.
Next step is a xray, although both of us are unsure what good an xray will do in figuring out what we can do for her. She is not leading a quality life at the moment, but the vet... The vet could give a damn, they just want more money!

I may try to convience ash to wake up and go with me tomorrow, I don't want to go alone and have to get the death glare from them. He really doesn't want to, but sometimes you gotta team it.

-- Post From My iPhone

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

A definite change...

Sitting here, I just realized a flip flop of life from yesterdays post.

Sadie is magically better. Shes chewing on a bone and jumping on the couch. Crazy what change can happen in a day.

I've started my period, without agonizing over negative pee sticks and pregnancy symptoms. It's just like how easy things were before trying. And I'll admit that it felt ok, rather than wanting to cry when it started, I just dealt with it and moved on in seconds. What a difference.

Not that next month won't be the crazy baby making haze I'm used to, I haven't totally given up on the idea but I feel like I just don't have room for the extra crazy that I exhibit in that two week wait. I still want a baby more than anything, but since I can't make my body do what I want it to, I'll just have to deal with it.

And since I started today early, I gave up on the basal temping...it's suppose to work best if you start day 1, so oh well. I may still get the fertility test, I should have a gift card coming from target, so I'd just be out 10 bucks ... Not bad for a little false peace of mind.

-- Post From My iPhone

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

So I drank...

A little, I've had a really long week. Really really long.

I know that I am at some point in the ovulation two week wait, but this month is nill...I can feel it.

Sadie is not doing so hot, she's back to her neck pain and now she's not eating and pooping a red orange. It's hard to say, but we just can't justify spending a fortune trying to make her better if we don't know that this won't reoccur. I don't know what the vet will tell us, but I'm sure it's going to be a guilt fest no matter what. We don't use credit cards anymore, so whatever it comes to has to come out of pocket. And there isn't a lot of pocket room to spare.

What should we do. Where should we go from here.

-- Post From My iPhone

Monday, June 8, 2009

To buy or to not buy....


I know from earlier posts that the whole pregnancy test thing might be worthless, and I say might be because I think I willed myself into believing my body won't show positive on a test like my mom....who conceived 4 unplanned children "just by looking at someone."

But I still can't seem to release the feeling of wanting to test, just in case.

Plus, now that I know I don't have that magical 29 day cycle thing, I could start tomorrow or a week from now. Thanks body! I can't wait to run to the bathroom, tampon in hand 15 times a day!

I am trying to come up with a game plan now that I have a new doctor and a brighter outlook (okay, a dim outlook, but it's better than dark) on this whole thing... see post here.

New things to try and ways to no longer save the money I was saving by stealing groceries -

Basal Thermometer
First Response Fertility Test
First Response Ovulation Test

Any thoughts on these?

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Caught myself

I checked the calendar and I think I'm at 10 days past ovulation. I should be slapped on the hand. Why do I put myself through this torture?

Standing in the time out corner.

Thankfully, with last month's mistaken symptoms, I think I learned my lesson. My gigantic sore boobs and sweet tooth are just signs my period is on the way. Not that I'm surprised at this point.

Such is life.

(in grocery news, I managed to get 190 worth of groceries for about 40 bucks!)

-- Post From My iPhone

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Unnecessary moments

Times this week I've heard pregnancy annoucements: 3

Times this week I have wanted to crawl under a rock and never come out: 3

-- Post From My iPhone

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

The hardest part

I'm definitely in the two week wait, but I'm trying not to pay attention to the chart. I don't want to think about it, but that is hard to do with two new babies in the family and the constant question of am I. I am a pretty honest person and am usually up front about my life with people, but that has backfired a little because now everyone is aware that we've been trying, hence the am I question.

I try not to think about what could be.. It would make my day to get pregnant for fathers day, hell, it would make my year. This blog is going to get scarce of symptoms this time around because of last month and the deep disappoint we faced of thinking we could really be pregnant. I know you all who read this have been through that trial, it sucks and I just can't handle doing it again this month.

I feel like a debbie downer, but I'll try to fill the space with groceies and other tidbits of randomness I can think of while I pretend I won't focus on pregnancy symptoms.

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Grand Opening

Okay, so I think I may have this grocery thing all backward. I seem to be spending more money than I used to for groceries, but it's like crack...I just wanna save more and more money. I don't feel good unless my car is full of the stuff....like a fix.

I start out the fun at Albertsons... boy I used to hate Albertsons with their lower height aisles and the magical "urine like" smell that always seem to permeate the aisles (anyone else notice this? no matter the store?) But, with all the amazing deals I just can't seem to get away from going there at least twice a week.

This week - Eight or so transactions (purex detergent is my new BFF, so cheap!)....$31.58

What I got:
(20) boxes Mac and Cheese
(4) capri sun boxes
(7) purex detergent/softeners
(3) V8 juices
(8) boxes of kelloggs cereal

Savings of: $79.01 or 72% savings!

Target and Clearance - like music to my ears! $35.23

What I got:
(1) lock for locker (full price, but needed it for work)
(1) Lysol Spray for .02
(3) Value Pack Hefty Garbage bags
(2) Scrubbing bubble cleaners
(4) Mr Clean cleaners
(1) eaten immediately bag of chocolate
(2) BBQ sauce
(2) Kashi waffles
(1) Shaving gel
(2) dog treats
(2) bags of litter

Savings of: $38.92 or 53% saved!

Also did a walmart run, but only saved like 16 dollars so not worth the extensive post....but I did end up with a 105 grocery tab at the end of the week for all stores...a little over double what I normally do. Ash has requested that I stop buying cereal, bbq sauce and mac & cheese..but I reminded him I have a young brother going to college soon and that we have the potential to donate quite a bit this year (maybe enough to claim on taxes!) so he changed his tune quickly.

I feel like I own a small grocery outlet at this point, I had to reorganize my pantry and laundry room just to fit it all! Makes you realize how much stuff we just store and never use...I feel a garage sale coming my way!

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Oh yeah

I think I ovulated yesterday or the day before. I rarely gave baby stuff a thought this time around, not that it really will change anything anyhow. We'll see we'll see!

-- Post From My iPhone

A long day

Gonna post about groceries tomorrow, but just to update everyone as to my last few days, here's the review...

Baby tempie visited Friday, Ash was awake and was able to really able to see her for a bit. She got a bath in our sink and spent some time being a fussy 17 day old baby. Ash spent most of the visit holding her and was at ease doing it... I was jealous, I wanted to hold her too!

I had a doctor's appt, my first one where the focus was fertility. I wanted to find a doctor in my area that I could potentialy see through pregnancy and beyond. I think I found him. He walks in with sheets on fertility for me to have and was very honest and non judging about how long we'd been trying. Realistically, if we get to the year point then we'll start the testing, but for now he wants me to focus on eating healthy (and more) and gain a little weight as he thinks my body mass is low...21 and he'd liked to it be a little higher. He also asked if after he was successful in helping us conceive if we had an on and family doctor in mind, after I told him I'd love to stick with him, he said he was pleased, as he loves being part of the making of a baby and then be able to watch the baby grow. Swoon.

Omg. I hate the new generation of teens. They ransacked my store and started a fist fight, started a fire in the parking lot of another store, and broke glass and graffitied at yet another one. (sounds like a full on riot, but really just a couple thousand kids loitering at a mall for too long) All during some skate festival outside in the mall parking lot. My store is the the store people used to get dressed up to come to, today they walked thru it without shirts on and cursing. I got to be on escalator police duty today, it was really super fun and all day I went from being polite about it at 11am to nearly cursing back by 7pm. When did an escalator become a toy? Seriously.

-- Post From My iPhone

Thursday, May 28, 2009

My review of my phone

Where to begin...

The iPhone. Just for you.
It's my lifeline to the world, the very existence of me from day one. This is by far the best invention on earth. I cannot even fathom going back to a regular flip phone! Standing in a long line, check email. Need a phone number, look it up without calling 411. Email someone instead of testing, brillant. Everything is easier because I have this phone, no joke.

Bad part. Dropped calls, it doesn't seem to have the same strengh of signal my old phone did. But for everything I get from this, a dropped call is nothing but a blip. There have been some issues with freezing, but a tech guy told me to sync it with iTunes once a week and it should be fine.

The apps. Amazing. Fertility charts, solitare, you name it, I have it!

Overall, I really suggest this to everyone as their next phone. Hell, it's replaced my laptop, ds lite, and mapquest for me and let me tell you those were my lifelines before!

-- Post From My iPhone

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Uncontrollable crazy

I'm at a class for my work and am having a little trouble controlling the crazy at the moment.

We go over some skincare and education over two days. First day is just discussing what our skin is like and the person above me likes to put me down constantly. I look young, but she likes to remind me that i need eye cream and that I don't know what I'm doing.

Plus it's a small line at my store, so I'm not as successful as she's like. It's awesome.

God, I love this job.

-- Post From My iPhone

Monday, May 25, 2009

Baby woes

Big family gathering Sunday and the introduction to life with new babies. The family was gaga, and I was able to get a few good moments with tempie. It was extremely trying emotionally to see my dad, who is hands down the one who yearns for grand baby most, hold her. A few comments brought me to a tear or two, I know no one meant it but sometimes no matter how you say something it can still hurt.

I must say that I never expected to find such a friend in my cousin...until she was pregnant we didn't have much in common. But, she is by far the most understanding and can just look at me and tell how I'm taking things. She's also the first to come to my rescue and help me get off of my lonely pity hill. During a rather fussy baby moment we snuck to a quiet room with baby and she did what only she can do best, make me feel okay and hopeful.

When I finally do get pregnant, I can't wait to share my experiences with her and look to her for guidance.... A new long life friendship has come out of all of this quiet rage of why me.

-- Post From My iPhone

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Forgotten purpose

In my quest for grocery goodness, I'd all but forgotten about my upcoming ovulation cycle. Now, not that I trust anything these days... but my assumption is that it still should be 14 days after the first day of my period. A period that was 8 days late and when it arrived was 7 days long... just to screw with me more. Am I right? If so I would be baby primed on Monday...shit that's tomorrow.

Guess I'd better get on that.

I did get to hold on to my beautiful baby cousin a day or so ago and placed her on my stomach trying to figure out how something her size could ever fit and I am sorely perplexed. It just can't be done, I'm sure of it.

One thing I did want to speak to is that my angst for baby and hatred of those capable of baby doesn't reach those whom I love (family and or friends) as their babies are just an extension of me. My cousin was so worried I would be hurt or that it would be painful for me to be around Tempie but it's not like that at all. I really only get upset at seeing those who take it for granted.

-- Post From My Iphone

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Stealing groceries using coupons

That's my new phrase for what I'm doing. Stealing groceries....using coupons.

It's a mixed bag when you walk up to check out at a grocery store or retailer, I feel all hot and worried that something isn't going to take, or that I'll deal with a nasty person. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't. The best thing so far is going shopping late at night, I don't have the line backing up behind me and the cashier just wants to get back to stocking, so he/she doesn't care much about the grand total.

Friday was my big day. I not only get paid this day every week, but I have most of the morning and afternoon to get my stuff accomplished before going into my second job.
Here's how it ran down....

Target Trip - 41.00 total, 14.00 Paid
Target Trip - 70.00 total, 42.00 Paid
Albertsons Trip - 17.00 total, 2.00 Paid
Safeway Trip - 118.00 total, 49.00 Paid

One of the target trips included an end table for 15 dollars, so I don't really count that (it was 75% off, woohoo!) and I think with the Target discounts it doesn't take into consideration the price before clearance stickers, as most of that larger trip was clearance merch.

What I ended up with: a shitload of groceries.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Diaper samples

My quest before baby is to have as many diaper samples as possible so I don't have to buy any!

So far I've discovered these places to stock up.

-target baby registry
-babies r us registry
-similac's website

This of course is completely against my plan of no baby stuff before baby.. a little crazy idea that it can make it not happen! Of well, f that.... Money is talking and we will definitely benefit from saving up all of these samples for later.

I swear I will have a stockpile going soon!
Speaking of stockpiles, I'll post Saturday morning with my super Fridays shopping trip. It is amazing.

-- Post From My iPhone

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Dead puppies

I woke up this morning after having a very strange dream. I found a box full of disease ridden puppies and kittens. These were very sick little creatures and I was trying to get them all in a crate to take them into the humane society. I woke up frustrated before I could get them to a doctor!

I have heard that dreaming about puppies or kittens can have something to do with pregnancy. God I hope that this isn't my body's way of telling me that my eggs are diseased ridden or something.

-- Post From My iPhone

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Grocery Games

This last week my budget was tight, I was paying out copays to doctors to determine if I was with child, so the grocery budget got a little smaller. Thankfully, I am now armed with a smarter "don't buy without a coupon" mentality, so it hasn't been nearly as bad as if I was still just throwing things into a cart and guessing what my total would be.

Best deals this week were definitely the coupons from coupons.com and Target, I got 12 boxes of crackers and 2 boxes of snacks for $4.50. Although this deal is gone, it was just as good as the cereal, and we go through crackers around here like crazy. I also snagged free 3 boxes of hefty ziploc bags, 2 free glade plugins, and tons of groceries at Albertsons for 12 dollars. So the real total was about 20 dollars all together!

It was a good week.

Most of my coworkers are now asking for advice on this stuff. The good coworkers. I might start coming up with lists of the best deals from my searches of the internet and handwrite them out a list, printing them out some coupons I find as they both don't have computers. They want me to charge them a dollar. I might just do it.

Cool things I've learned this week:

You can go to Target and use their kiosk to print your target grocery coupons, saved ink!

Old Navy will be having a HUGE sale on flip flops this weekend, Saturday they are just a DOLLAR! I will be getting at least 5 pairs, if not more.

Ikea's sale this weekend is my best friend. I needed new curtains for my large 98" tall windows and they have them on sale for 9.99 for two (target is usually 29.99 for one, as is Ikea) and their standard chair Poang for 39.99 (regularly 99.99) that I wanted for the nursery. Yes, I said nursery....I'm breaking my rule of not buying anything yet, but its so cheap! and it's just a chair....I can use it elsewhere if I had to.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

A brief update

I haven't posted in a week, well, since the mishap of being unpregnant took place.

Alot has happened in that short time, a baby has been born, I got a second job to help build up some savings and maybe the chance for a weekend getaway here and there, and yes...I've beat the stores at their own grocery game.

My cousins baby was born on Tuesday, she's perfect and I wanted to steal her immediately. Of course, it made for extra yearning and sadness that I had befallen the day prior.

A coffee shop I patron asked me to work a few days a week, my days off from my other gig...this will put me at working seven days a week, but what the hell. This on top of school and babymaking, I might be able to call myself legally insane soon enough. I hope all of this hobby stuff (school, grocery couponing, and work) will force my brain to think of other things besides baby. The biggest benefit is of course the extra funds, this will not only pay for the what now bills that find their way into the mailbox, but tires that are soon to come, school, and maybe even some weekend outing that we both surely need.

The grocery game stuff rocks, our pantry is getting full and we are learning to eat new things. I feel bad now when I buy stuff that is not on sale or that I don't have a coupon for....so it's retraining me to focus on saving money rather then blowing it. I have some great pictures, but the overall savings is about 80%... I even had a few managers get the pissy eye at me when checking out! Pics to come.

I'll get back to regular scheduled posts, and new thoughts about this process (including the whole partner in babymaking woes) in the coming days.

-- Post From My iPhone