Any number of things

Life is crazy.

Dealing with some family issues, it's surprising to me how little I let me get stressed out now. The current situations, which I will not elaborate on, would have left me in tears and freaking out...now, it's just another day.

Work is great, too much of it, but great. I just got a job offer to work for a bigger line, which means more commission, a raise, and less hours. A triple threat of lovely. Plus I use all of the products so I'll actually save money by working there (free stuff every few months).

Speaking of saving, grocery deals all around. I'm still mad at the crazy buy it all lady, but hey, what can you do. I was able to buy alot of stuff tonight for about 12 dollars, so I am at peace with my coupons. I hope albertsons always does doubles! Super good and cheap food.

I did buy a pregnancy test. Hey, it was on sale. I know i know, it just doesn't add up in case I do turn out to be one of those that tests don't work on, but you can't hate on me for trying. I didn't focus on the ovulation the last few months, so I would like to officially declare that "we are not trying!" to the universe... Just in case it helps.


-- Post From My iPhone

To buy or to not buy....

Seriously.

I know from earlier posts that the whole pregnancy test thing might be worthless, and I say might be because I think I willed myself into believing my body won't show positive on a test like my mom....who conceived 4 unplanned children "just by looking at someone."

But I still can't seem to release the feeling of wanting to test, just in case.

Plus, now that I know I don't have that magical 29 day cycle thing, I could start tomorrow or a week from now. Thanks body! I can't wait to run to the bathroom, tampon in hand 15 times a day!

I am trying to come up with a game plan now that I have a new doctor and a brighter outlook (okay, a dim outlook, but it's better than dark) on this whole thing... see post here.

New things to try and ways to no longer save the money I was saving by stealing groceries -

Basal Thermometer
First Response Fertility Test
First Response Ovulation Test

Any thoughts on these?

100th post

So here it is...my hundredth post.
I envisioned this to be a much more vibrant, full of glee kind of a post. Unfortunately, both Ash and I experienced a wave of different emotions, from estatic and absolutely sure we were expecting, to crying and full of dread that this just isn't our month. I had a blood test on Monday, after having the biggest boobs Ive ever seen over the weekend. Although we don't have the results yet, my period seems to have started hours after the blood test. Ash is still hoping that the test shows positive and that this is just decidual bleeding...but my hopes have been throw into the disposal.

I am jacks bleeding heart.

I have that appt scheduled for Monday with a new doctor, hopefully well finally be on the right track with a doctor (and office) that actualy cares about getting us to our goal. We may hear from the old office with the blood tests results this week.. but like I said, it's pretty much a no in my book, and that's the hardest feeling to swallow.

And to top it off...

To all that filled my ears with "relax it will happen". SCREW YOU. I relaxed this last month in that there were other things stressful going on during my ovulation week, so we didn't focus on that...and guess what! We didn't get pregnant. Just because you got pregnant right away or by accident, does not make you the authority on how I should feel during this process. Spend a month in my shoes, I dare you.

To the one who made fun of my hopes and possibilty of being pregnant...FUCK OFF. If you were going to talk shit, you shouldn't have asked me about the whole thing like you actually cared. This is why nobody likes you. Just because we have to spend so much time together each week, I will tolerate you only with conversation about the weather and current news, if you dare ask about baby related topics, I swear I will cuss you out in front of everyone and embarass the hell out of you. Don't tempt me.

-- Post From My iPhone

Still here, laying in wait

Still waiting.

If you read my comments yesterday, you know I talked with my mom and found out that tests don't work for my type of people. People with thyroid problems... I guess there is a lot of people all over the Internet that have the same problem. Finding out at 10 weeks because tests didn't work for them, and some blood tests didn't work either.. A tlc show waiting to happen.

I am both thrilled and still unsure, I don't want this to turn out badly. I still feel I could be, still getting some odd symptoms I didn't even know were pregnancy symptoms. To continue my "list"...

That "burning" sensation- ok, it's not exactly like that, but it feels like a uti on it's way or that I need to go change a tampon. Tmi I know. But it's how this feels.

Boobs- big, then little, then big again. Veins totally visible last night, non existent this morning.

Holy gas batman- uncomfortable much?

Unhungry- never sounds good. Food that is.

Will hold off posts until results from blood test, should be Tuesday.

-- Post From My iPhone

And it's still not here

Depending on when Ive read, or that watch... I should have ovulated on the 21st or the 20th. I don't know if that was true, I didn't really have any signs that I did. I am 14 or 15 days past at the moment.

The signs or symptoms I have had...

Waking up on my own before 7:30, very very out of the ordinary for me.

Sharp unhappy twinges near my ovary (I don't wanna know what possibly could be just yet)

A slight headache, could be the not sleeping in.

Really painful and restless legs, I worked out in the yard for an hour early last week... But this is five days later and my legs are so tired I have to take multiple breaks at work.

But still not pregnant says the sporcle stick....

A local doctors office that I would be using as my ob offers free pregnancy tests, I am just hesitent to go in because I don't want the wrong result, but I am close to breaking down to get this taken care of. If those twinges in my ovary area are what I think it is....I should get in for an exam anyhow.

-- Post From My iPhone

Day 31?

So here I am a few days late. I'm not going to get all excited because I know it will happen, my period will start as soon as I start envisioning baby rooms and diaper bags.

I am not going to test until friday, for one I need to save money and for two I just can't envision wasting another dollar on tests (that I don't have a coupon for. I am really embracing this coupon thing!). Bare with me while I sit on the "period egg" waiting to hatch.

-- Posted From My iPhone

Reading Material

Another dollar down the toilet.

Pretty positive its not positive this month. Which is okay, I'm not that bummed out because I'm learning to deal with this monthly failure. Ok, maybe not learning to deal with it, but just I knew that this month sucked, so get with me next month and we'll just see if this "not caring" stuck. My money is on me being crazy.

The benefit to it not being positive is that I can actually enjoy a few drinks with friends tonight in celebration of my birthday at the Melting Pot (a fondue joint). I really love their apple martinis and a certain Riesling has been calling my name.

I did stop by Half priced Books and picked up some reading material on getting pregnant, I made a deal with Ash that we wouldn't get into this unless it took awhile. Well, in my mind of instant gratification, this is F-O-R-E-V-E-R. There wasn't a good selection of the "getting pregnant" variety. Books seem to teeter totter either infertility or expecting. Since I've only been trying for 5 months, I don't think I qualify to say that I'm infertile just yet, and clearly I am not expecting. Not to say that maybe we aren't infertile, I just don't want to look down that road too far unless I have too. I picked up two reads, Getting Pregnant and A Few Good Eggs (yes, an infertile book, but damn if it didn't look funny). I perused the getting pregnant book last night and it has some good ideas about diet and things that we (yes, Ash, you too!) should be working on. I'll report back if I learn anything worth while.

False Hope

As I am not looking at pregnancy symptoms this time around, I thought I'd have it easy....I either am or not. But I can't fake a little spotting that happened over last night. I haven't had that before, but I know that it can be common before a period. I'm not trying to instill false hope in something that isn't there, but hell, I can't help it. I'm still new at this, which means I still hang out until the last possible second and swear up and down this is it. I've only been burned 4 times so far. There is still awhile to go before I hate getting up these four days before my period because I know it will start badly with a fat negative staring me in the face. There is still small glimmers of hope in my mind everytime I pee on that dollar, hoping that maybe this is the lucky dollar.

5 more days...

till I can test.

I pre-bought some dollar store tests just so I can be a ridiculous crazy and test whenever I damn feel like it...hell it's only a dollar.

Symptoms this time around are few, it's not close enough to really tell and I don't think that PMS ones should be happening quite yet. Ash says I'm cranky, but I've been a little tired lately, and tired makes me super crank. Not tired in the "oh my gosh I'm pregnant" kind of way, just a little more than usual...like going to bed an hour before I usually do. I could have had some uterine cramping yesterday, but it also could be my imagination.

Who knows...we'll just wait and see!

EDIT: Just wanted to show the crazy and say I tested on day 8 past ovulation...and oh my gosh what a surprise, it was negative. Those tests were just taunting me....I was weak.

Period Watch 09'

I've got a new title for this mother of all craze I'm in...Period Watch 09'

Seriously, I have never in my life focused so much on my period, my body, and had such an inability to think of anything besides Baby. Ash is in on it too. He asks more questions now about how I'm feeling and what I'm thinking about, if my period has started, and if I'm okay.

Even during my period, I'm watching for signs that maybe it's letting up early...maybe it's just implantation. This one is less crampy, and a lot less heavy than normal. I'd be stupid to test. Really, Really stupid. I gotta say it one more time so I don't rush to the bathroom right now and test... really REALLY stupid!

Another one bites the dust...

I had the unlucky 4am wake up today. Thankfully I was dreaming that I had started my period and was smart enough to wake myself up and check. I am Jack's Utter Disappointment.

I was almost crazy enough to test anyway...but this one is like all others, enough to knock you down for days 1 and 2.

Onto the next month, a new OV watch to try, and hey...maybe that crazy lady had it all along, maybe I'll be pregnant in May.

Spiritual Dances Welcome

I wonder if there is an anti period dance I could do. Anything to keep tomorrow from going downhill fast...

I don't feel amazing at the moment, lots of random body things to ponder over, and yet the dreaded pregnancy test reigns in true symbolism of "am I."

I ran by Walgreens today and picked up some tests, Clear blue Easy ones, which after researching yet again when I got home, I came to the realization these were the tests not to get. Most tests register at 25 units of hormone, while this one is at 50...so I could get a positive on a dollar store test and still get a negative from this one for 3-4 days. They had won me over with their digital "pregnant" and "not pregnant," and in the sheer want of a definite answer, I chose them over the more accurate ones. Oh well. Tomorrow should be the start of the new cycle, so I am going to hold off on the one test remaining until Sunday morning (a day late is a pretty good symptom in my book). What happened to the plural of the tests I spoke of earlier.....yeah, I pretty much ran to the bathroom as soon as I got home and low and behold it was "not pregnant."

Stupid test.

Nada yet...

Took a First Response Test, didn't even get a registered line for the not pregnant part, so I have to retest in an hour or so. This is bullshit. I've heard bad things about the first response, but as you know from previous posts, I was unsure at Target what to buy.

My boobs are so incredibly sore, it's crazy. And they gotten heavier. And they've dropped a bit.

I hope this will all work out! I wanna know NOW!

11 days past the big "O"

11 days.

Testing starts tomorrow (I am just going to pretend the other tests didn't happen). Small symptoms over the past few days, same as the last months before. I feel like a 14 year old boy everytime I check out my boobs for growth or soreness.. did they get bigger? well maybe. actually, YEAH! Small bouts of nausea all day (random and really short in length) and HELL YEAH my boobs are a little sore. I'm still unsure if it's just my normal period symptoms, as I've got little twinges of cramping and my standard single cystic spot of acne on the chin.

Feeling good about this month, not gonna lie.

And still crazy...

More dollar store tests bought....another one down the drain as soon as I got home. Its still too early. I really hope I get a positive soon, my crazy meter may exceed a new threshold if I don't.

Ash is also really seeming to get into the baby thing, and I wanna get this going before he loses interest or gives up hope.

I was slightly nauseous three times today... I wonder.

10 days past ovulation.

don't do it...

Don't take another test.
Don't take another test....
Don't do it.
Don't!

Ah hell, as of tomorrow morning I'll only be 8 DPO (days past ovulation) so testing would be ridiculous and stupid "money down the m*f*ing drain." But, I won't lie and say that the temptation isn't killing me.

Before I went to post, I checked over some past symptoms and they do seem quite alike. Dry mouth, vivid dreams....although I had a tiny bit of heartburn the other day (odd for me) and a sore throat. And massive amounts of PMS like grouchy I suck moments today. I haven't had any implantation bleeding, but I think that comes a little later anyhow.

This crap sucks.

OCD with the tests

Seriously, I am ridiculous. I bought three First Response Tests while picking up the Pledge thingamobob. Of course, as I am only 6 days past when I assume I ovulated.....it would only be stupid of me to take a test at this point....but I did anyway. My reasoning...."well, it's just 4 dollars for that ONE test, and I didn't buy a mocha today....sooooooo alright!" The first day I really should test is MAYBE March 31st. So 4 days to go....and in my infinite wisdom and craziness, I may be out of tests by then!

The Dollar Store

Who knew that dollar store pregnancy tests were one of the highest rated on the market for early detection of pregnancy! I hit up the local 99 cents or more junkorama for the good stuff today during my lunch. Seeing as how rare it is for me to stop in one, I stocked up for a few months (or a week...I get a little paranoid about tests working). I received a number of looks from both the teller and the customer behind me as I laid down seven of those bad boys to purchase.