Tuesday, October 5, 2010

So is it worth it to keep going...

I've thought about moving my blog back to the old name so I could get that group of readers I lost in the shuffle. Thoughts? I know at least one reader still remains...thanks Christina!

My other thought is to start over entirely, as madlittlecupcake is now cupcakes....we oops it and woke up pregnant again, which is ridiculous to be in that group after trying for over a year the first time. Maddie is only 6 months and dear god I'm going to have two under two. Motherf.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone


Thursday, August 5, 2010

Because everyone needs a pick me up sometimes

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Saturday, July 31, 2010

The News

This week we celebrated four years of marriage, FOUR years. Plus FOUR months of parenthood. How time has flown by!

We started Maddie on veggies this week. It was sweet potatoes for round one, which seemed to go so well, we thought we'd try green beans. I'm sure the look on her face meant "what the hell, mom." I'll have to post the pic when I get the chance. I also just picked up her first sippy cup as she is well on her way to holding her own bottle and is currently taking her binky out of her month and trying to put it back in...so I think she is ready. My plan is to only offer juice (diluted of course) and water in it so she knows that formula comes in a bottle, other drinks in a big girl cup. She's so big and pretty advanced so I feel comfortable starting her a bit early on these things. Shes so close to sitting up on her own too! Just a few more weeks maybe... I know every mom thinks we have the most advanced child ever...it must be part of our ever expanding love for our kid.

Above is the picture of her face after a night at one of her grandmas....who gave her a popsicle unopened to chew on for teething... only to arrive home with a cold burn across her cheeks that is still visible a week later. god, that was cool. We've tried really hard to be okay with nights away, four so far I think, but this makes it super hard.

I went crazy at a big toy sale this week at Tar.get. She's got lots of new play things, of which this singing cow that I didn't even think she'd like has turned out to be her best friend. She freaks out when she sees and hears it...getting all giggly. Its so cool to see her develop. Last week the exersaucer was just this cage that she sat in and stared at the toys in awe, this week she understands how they work and spins the spinners, pushes the talking buttons....you name it.

I actually had a glimmer of hope that we were pregnant again, but I took a test because I was *due today* and the gods gave me both a one liner and the ol' why didn't I just wait 6 more hours before wasting money on tests! Oh well. It would have been ridiculous to be pregnant already, I was just hoping I wouldn't have to do alot of this hurry up and wait stuff all over again. I'd like to make this family a foursome and be done. Pregnancy and I are not friendly...so I'd set my heart on being able to recover fully once and only once. So, it's "get right on it rose" and hoping we can get pregnant again soon during what's supposed to be our most fertile time.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Updated picture time!

-- Post From My iPhone

Monday, July 19, 2010

Yes, I am purely ridiculous.

It's been a hell of a long time. I get distant when I feel like I am talking with no one. But, hell, that's my fault. I should have just kept my blog as is and not went on a deleting rampage all because of a psycho family.

Back to the matters at hand...

Mad little cupcake is amazing. She has grown by leaps and bounds and is possibly cuter and more fun by the minute. The last time I posted, she was just about to be three months....rolling once and just developing a personality. Now, she is a fistful of spunk who talks most of the day at a pretty large shreek. She is enjoying her baths, kicking and splashing around, knowing that she is the cause of the splashes seems to thrill her. We've been to the zoo, the park, loud ass fireworks, and the lake...it's amazing how all of these places become much more exciting because there is a little person learning something absolutely new for the first time.

We had her four month appointment, she is 15 lbs and 25.5 inches! The 90th and 95th percentile for height/weight. She is a biggon. We've had her next to infants that were within a week or days of her and she towers over them in size and in capabilities. I swear she'll be walking by 7 months, she spends most of her day standing rather than sitting. We were cleared for solids today, although we've been trying small bites for a few weeks now seeing if she was interested. The doc seems to think we can do rice cereal for a few weeks, then start adding veggies (I thought you had to wait until 6 months).

I've finally gotten the swing of things... I actually miss it when she's not around (grandmas/work) because we've really got a groove going. We're going to get this all amazing routine down and end up with a second kid before we know it. That whole protection thing has never really worked out (and I know that this is supposed to be the most fertile time). Not that getting pregnant is easy, it just would be the wrong time....so the universe could help me out.

Anyhow, I'll post pics later. Thanks for sticking around and waiting patiently for my return.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Yah yah I know!

3 months on Monday! I didn't post. I thought I'd get to it, but nada. The sad part is I had nothing better to do so it should have been done. I guess I just slack on the posting when it feels like only one person is listening (Kisses to you Sarah!).

Here's three months in picture form.

-- Post From My iPhone

Wednesday, June 9, 2010


Sorry it's been so long. I don't even remember what i've written about in the last posts.

Maddie continues to make strides with the rolling. We have to put her on her stomach but she flips over pretty quick. She has started teething, so she looks like she's got baby rabies (a great trivia name by the way...we took third this week....but got an extra point for the name!).

She's sleeping in her room now each night..naps are still mostly in her swing or being held. We are almost to a schedule...she sleeps through the night and takes a nap with me an hour after we first wake up. It allows me to get that extra two hours which is awesome...plus I kinda hope the tradition sticks. A mommie and me nap. Sometimes I have to pinch myself because I am super lucky to have such a great happy baby.

-- Post From My iPhone

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Yay for an update

Tears aplenty. So much has happened this last few weeks.

We had a date night alone, leaving maddie with my parents overnight. It wasn't my idea and it was sort of thrown at me outta left field leavig me to say sure when all I wanted to do was run away with my kid in tow. My parents asked in front of tons of family, and I didn't want to come off overbearing. I cried all the way home...but all went okay and things promptly went back to "holding a baby" the next night.

Maddie rolled over...twice. What was great about it was it was in front of ash and I so we were both able to see it. She hasn't repeated it regularly enough to say she's got it down and it wasn't just a fluke.

She's officially sleeping through the night. Usually 7 hours or so. We are trying to introduce her crib to her. Tonight I put her in there to sleep overnight...which means I won't get a wink because I will be doing the breathe test at least five times. I can't wait for her to get her naps in there too, on a schedule, for longer than twenty minutes (if you put her down) average. Some days she sleeps for 3 hour stretches in her playard or swing...but most days it's "I sleep when you hold me".

Ash and I did the deed without birth control (condoms for now) without thinking about it until after. Not that it matters...it took us a year to produce her..what's one time? I still haven't gotten my period...when is it supposed to come? I stopped bf two months ago. Shouldn't it be here by now. Am I paranoid enough to go buy a pg test...possibly.

Enough for now. I promise to start posting more regularly again...it seems like no one came over from the old blog so I find it harder to write when i think there isn't an audience.

-- Post From My iPhone

Sunday, May 23, 2010

2 months, new developments, and other randomness

So, it's been a week.

I've gone back to work...it's been great, super busy and my work has now become my
day off from my home life...weird but that's how it feels. I still want to find something with more money or better hours, maybe even getting back into lighting (my old profession). My "feelers" are out in so many directions that hopefully something pans out. I kick ass at my job, but I also want to give madelyn the finer bits of life so a better income is definitely in order. Plus- retail schedules suck ass for family plans.

Madelyn is two months! TWO months! We celebrated by cooing and smiling, followed by her first "pissed off" face, and then sleeping through the night...that's right...through the night, 10 hours! It's amazing. I am hoping this continues, we'll see.

The working/finding care thing is ridiculous. Ashs sched changes with the weather so planning out care is painful and constantly readjusting. Take this Sunday for example...he now suddenly has to work, and offered up his 14 year old sister as a babysitting option. 14 year old. Babysitting a 2 month old. No. Thank. You.

-- Post From My iPhone

Friday, May 21, 2010


I just wrote a lengthy post only to have blogger crap out on me before I saved. My two month review will have to wait until tomorrow. Sorry folks!

-- Post From My iPhone

Saturday, May 15, 2010

One for the road or twelve

We have to do a long haul trip with maddie today. Ashs family lives way out yonder, or two and a half hours away. I don't know how she'll do having to sit in the car for that long....it's only been ten minutes and she isn't a happy camper yet. We tried to work it out to be around her nap time..."you are getting very sleepy...sleepy...sleepy". Oops. Hasn't worked yet.

Packing for such an occasion takes effort and planning for a natural disaster scenario full of diapers and extra formula. I think she's got five outfits, 30 diapers, and two full packs of wipes for the road. Dear god, I hope I packed enough formula. Please let there be enough formula. Please.

This week went ok, just ok. I go back to work tomorrow so we (and I mean me) tried to get Madelyn on a "I can fall asleep on my own and be put to bed in a bassinet" routine. Currently, this does not happen. The second she falls asleep (from bouncing or swaying) and you put her down, instant wakeup. This leads to a baby weighted lead object that stays attached to your arm all day. The babysitter would not be thrilled. So I tried the cry it out method alone, and failed, miserably. Ash came home to a tearful, hair pulling wife and immediately sent me to target and starbucks. These are my stressfree zones and he knows it!

I could use some advice on this one, what do I do to get her to enjoy sleeping without being held. Tomorrow is her first full day without ash or I, thankfully with grandma and grandpa, but still. I don't want them to hate watching their grandchild.

No one should hate watching this cutie....no one.

-- Post From My iPhone

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Moms day 7 weeks in the making

It's strange to be a part of mothers day and not just in the buy something quick and get it to mom before it's too late. I spent this day with a friend also celebrating her first mothers day walking the park and enjoying a lunch in the sun with our babies.

Madelyn is also seven weeks. She is a big girl whose smiles and giggles can tear at your heart, who knows if she cries just right she will get whatever she wants, and a little girl who is becoming easier and easier to just stare at in wonder.

Most days this week were spent playing and cooing. We talked about life, I introduced her to the bjorn and she digs it so much that she can't decode weighed to eat the thing or sleep. I can leave her in the bouncer chair and take my time in the shower, plus put makeup on and pick something to wear before her attention span wears thin. This has been the best week ever, I bet next week will earn that title too!

-- Post From My iPhone

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Ahh Finally...

You don't know how good it feels to be completely back to a blog that has no family readers (at least the family I don't want reading this). Finally I can speak my mind without it being thrown back at me.

I am mainly speaking of my sister in law. She's a bit crazy and finds it incredibly exciting to harass the everloving poop out of me when she gets on a rant. Her last rant was the catalyst for me to change blogs. I needed to vent but I had no outlet in which to do so without it biting me in the ass. I had made a joke about the sheer cost of formula "damn it's expensive" I believe on facebo.ok and she posted a comment saying she knew I'd give up and that SOME people are just lazy about breastfeeding. Sweet goodness, I say.

I ended up texting her explaining I thought it was "a little rude" of her to pass judgement and that she didn't know the full on story. I told her about the jaundice and the supplementing, even that I continued to pump/feed until there wasn't enough supply to even express more than .5 oz. But apparently this is the most evil thing I could ever do to my starving baby who is in the 90th percentile for weight and height. She went on a 30 text tirade about how shitty of a mother I was and that I needed to seek help for post partum depression. Apparently I am also "a lowly makeup girl" who will never amount to anything and that Ash should leave me. The list goes on and on and on.

Ahhh Family. Wish you could kill them, but you cant, you gotta smile and grit your teeth.

The final kicker was her saying she didn't want her son (my new nephew) around me for fear I would hurt or kill him. This, my friends, is the crazy.

She is the only person I am aware of who thinks of me in this fashion. I am a great mom, according to Ash and those around me who aren't belittling me via text! I would never harm my nephew, in fact, I love him dearly. And, to be honest, the crazy one isn't me... she also just recently had a child, so I'm pretty sure someone is transferring her own fears onto me in regards to ppd.

Anyhow enough ranting. I have to go be a terrible mother to my child and spoil her rotten with new clothes, all purchased using my terrible no good birthday money meant for me.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

The Deed and other ramblings...

Yep, it's done.

One of the most note worthy things you may notice about this blog is that I will take no prisoners and I will most likely overshare to my hearts content. Just an F.Y.I. so you can leave now and never return if that's not what you are in for.

So, onward to too much information!


Ash and I did the sexy times, it was brutal and overly painful, but it's done. I am glad to have done it for his sake, as he was frothing at the mouth due to no sex for two months at that point. It took alot of lube and a little tylen.ol after but it wasn't the tramatic experience I had thunk up in my mind. My ladybits were beaten already, right? I wouldn't say it was the most pain I had endured, no where near childbirth...but it that was a 10 on the pain scale, this was a 5.

Speaking of ladybits. My six week checkup was upon us yesterday. The nurse that I adore has left the practice and I was left with this "mama doesn't know best" bosy version of her. It was not pretty. She reminded me how to lay on the table for a pap smear, like I hadn't been laying on one every damn day it seemed during my pregnancy. I was able to talk with dr. McHippy about the pain I had been experiencing...I left out the sex part, whoops, didn't know that wasn't okay'd yet. What I thought was a bad vericose vein from pushing was actually unhealed scar tissue from my tear which makes me wonder just how big that tear was, considering the pain of the "scar tissue" is nearly front to back. There is absolutely nothing that can be done for it, being allergic to good pain meds is awesome, so I get to suffer for another 6 weeks to 4 months while my ladyparts go back to normal. Yay! for more painful sex! Also found out that one of the stitches was still present...aka no sexy times allowed for another week or two.

I still owe a breastfeeding explanaion post and a bodymorphing post for those of you I know want one...I promise to get to it soon. We are having major computer issues but those should soon be fixed.

Today is my birthday, so far I've broken all of my rules about taking care of yourself first and no chores. Damn, being a mom on your birthday stinks. I've fed Madelyn breakfast in bed and had to do the dishes/trash/laundry morning routine already and it's not even 8am. The closest fun times ahead today are a trip to Targ.et. Ash had to work his first day shift, so it's just me and the little lady all day. Diapers! Drool! Spitup! Poop....all types of Poop! ahead...

Sunday, May 2, 2010

6 weeks

Has it really been a month and a half already. Just two weeks until I begrudenly go back to work!

What a crazy life this has become. So self centered around a newborn and her on again off againove affair with sleep. Some days we have the worlds most perfect baby, others it's an all out war on sleepytime.

Madelyn is cooing away, she now has several distinct cries and smiles at me when I talk to her. She spends so much more time awake now, car rides are more roulette style with the "will she sleep or won't she.".

Ahhh what an amazing little girl.

-- Post From My iPhone

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Someone is a month old.

And currently getting crunk off her bottle of formula.

We reached a new octive at the doctors office yesterday....during her hep b shot she screamed a higher pitch then we had ever heard!

Madelyn is also a chunky mcchunkster. She weighed in at 10.5 pounds, 90th percentile. No wonder she doesn't fit the newborn size anymore. The doctor okayed us letting her sleep and not waking her up to feed saying "clearly she's not hurting for meals!". Does this mean more sleep...perhaps! I wasn't thrilled with the new nurse, who told me we'd need to give er tylenol for the shot and responded mama doesn't know best when I mentioned I didn't want to give her meds she didn't need. Pisser off lady. Guess who didn't get painkillers for a SHOT when we got home and didn't make a peep when I tried to poke the area to make sure she was fine...someones got a strong little girl and mama does know best, thanks anyhow.

Major milestones:
Tracking objects
Rolling to her side

Drumroll please...tmi coming!

Not only is it her 1 month anniversary of birth, but mine as well (ash too...I guess!). The pain is still fresh in my mind and I am still swollen in my nethers (seriously, how do people go to work after 2 weeks!). I am hoping it tames down before the 6 week mark. Ash is biting at the chomp and I am scared out of my everloving mind at the sheer thought of sex. If I can't walk around a lake without throbbing, how am I supposed to enjoy the naked time. I need to decide on a birth control option, I was thinking mirena, but I know some people don't like it. Plus we are going to try for a second when she's about 9 months so do we just cross our fingers before that and not worry about bc?

Reminder to all - website is changing! Send me a comment so I know to contact you with the new address. Thanks to those who have already done so! Love ya!

-- Post From My iPhone

Monday, April 19, 2010

New blog

Welcome! As of may 1st, this will be my new outlet for ranting and raving! Thanks for following me over from my old stomping ground!

Sunday, April 18, 2010

4 weekers

Or is it a month? Do you count the date (21st) as the "birthdays" for the first year? I am so used to weeks versus months at this point.

Madelyn is growing and growing. We don't know her size as she has her doc appt on tuesday. We've been struggling with her some nights but most nights are great. Friday night was ridiculous. She screamed bloody murder for 6 hours. Ash was a dreamy husband and made me go to bed so he could handle it, by the time my shift came she had fallen asleep from exhaustion. Then Saturday night ash had to work and I was scared how it would go, but she was angelic and peaceful. I had to wake her to feed twice but she quickly went back to sleep after.

She is cooing and smiling. We have yet to capture her giggling in her sleep but she does it often now. It's amazing to watch how strong she is becoming. It's pretty awesome to watch her change everyday.

Reminder to read my first post from today! Blog is changing on may 1st. I will only be telling those who comment here what the new site is. Thanks!

-- Post From My iPhone

Blogery issues

It's time to move the blog. Too many realworld people know the address, and I can't be as honest about my feelings without getting them twisted and slammed back in my face. Thumbs up to you! (not YOU but someone special!)

If you are interested in keeping me company on another webaddress/blogname, please leave a comment with your name and your blog (time to update my whole page including who I follow!)

Any suggestions on a platform to use? Blogger has an iPhone app, but I almost want to require a password so this crap doesn't keep happening. Would you all still read?

My changeover date, projected of course...I do have in my presence a demanding infant, is may 1st. So you all have until then to add your name! I will email all commenters with the new site address!

4week update later, got to change a diaper! Yay for poop!

-- Post From My iPhone

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Cranky mcfussypants

8pm to 3am nonstop crying. Nothing fixed it. Nothing.

Ash made me go to bed at 10:30 so I could handle her for the second shift (4 am to noon) so he can stay on his work/sleep schedule. I didn't sleep cause of the crying. I don't know how he did it. I would have cried right along with her. In fact, I did, which is another reason I was sent to bed. I was stressing him along with her.

I hope this isn't a sign of colic. She only did this for an hour the night before so I don't see a pattern emerging. Dear god let it not be colic.

Poop face.

-- Post From My iPhone

Friday, April 16, 2010

Wearing my emotions

This week. Madelyn has been slowly figuring out my buttons and how to push them. This is all payback for my teenage years towards my mom, I'm sure of it.

Although she is doing great with the formula now, pooping regularly and experiencing alot less gas than before... We are struggling with the crying for no reason. And by we I mean me. My boobs and vjay hurt when she cries, it's mindblowingly stressfull for me. You go thru te checklist and everything is kosher, but she cries anyhow. Not a colic 3 hour long cry, but just enough to make you sweat.

Ashs work is becoming more demanding, so I roughly get about a two hour stretch where he is available to help some days. Those are the days I swear I am in the beginnings of post partum depression, and ash thinks it to I know he does... But in reality those are just the harder days and for the most part things are relatively calm on that front.

I need to start writing down her schedule now that she is closer to four weeks. Not my schedule, mind you, but her timeline of happiness. I downloaded a few apps but nothing suited my fancy. I wish I knew how to develop one. Maybe we'd become rich and I could be a part part time worker and enjoy my daughter instead of working full time.

Speaking of moola. Damn this week has sucked. All of the baby bills are rolling in, 1000 just in ultrasounds! I think we are right around 2500 which wouldn't be a huge deal normally...we've also got to pay back takes on an oops we just got audited on (a real oops, not a fake "oh I forgot it wink wink") and taxes that were due yesterday. I still need tires too. Fun fun.

Total "I wish we could win the lottery" this week- $4500
Looks like I might be returning to work a bit earlier than planned. Awesome.

Photo is of her demonstration of strength for daddy.

-- Post From My iPhone

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Three weeks and then some.

Man o man it's been a week.

We've dealt with food issues, explosive diapers, a baby that slept nearly 22 hours one day and barely 10 hours another!

Madelyn is really starting to change and grow before our eyes. She is holding her head up a little and starting to really focus her eyes on us when we talk to her. She's already out of newborn clothes, but the 0-3 are just a wee bit too big.

We have found a home for pita, that is if craigslist is good to me and the person actually shows tomorrow. It's pretty difficult dealing with a cat that tried to trip me while walking with a newborn down stairs, two dogs that need out, and feeding/changing that newborn while a cat cries at me and gets on the last nerve that is already dangling from lack of sleep and food.

Ah food. That thing I don't get until about 4pm each day. Gotta feed her, put her down for a nap (ha! I mean NOT put her down or she wakes instantly) and then try to take care of the house one handed until ash wakes up around 1pm to help. I forget to eat and then realize I'm dizzy! Gotta start taking care of myself!

And...here Madelyn starts again! Cries from the swing. Today is 20 minute nap day...please don't let this be a normal occurance. Please o please.

-- Post From My iPhone

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Awful mom and two week update.

As her two weeks was on Easter, and we were hosting 12 or so people at our house for the day, I never got around to getting the two week post up.

I definitely overdid it that day. I am feeling much better, but make me stand for over an hour and it all comes back in full force. Everyone had a good time though and Madelyn was a hit. It was worth the effort, mess, and pain after.

Madelyns jaundice is gone. She is a perfect mixture of ashs and my skin tone. Her hair is super fine, but alot of it, with red highlights hidden in the dark brown (just like mommy). Her eyelashes are filling in, I am excited to see them...ash has the best lashes ever.

After switching her to half formula, she started getting terrible gas and staying up late very uncomfortable. Saturday I had enough and switched formula to a sample of soy I had that listed gas and fussiness on the label. I know soy can cause constipation, but she still gets breastmilk (which cleanses the system) so they counter each other. I don't know how long the breastfeeding will last, I tend to pump/feed her every 5-6 hours, sometimes longer in between at night. It's just soooo much easier to give her a bottle or let ash feed her so I can sleep. My milk will probably dry up soon because of it, but oh well.

Her umblicial cord is dangling now, it's not totally healed behind it so I am not sure how to take of it. I know it's not painful, but still looks gross. Any suggestions?

-- Post From My iPhone

Sunday, March 28, 2010

One week.

Madelyn is one week old today.

We've learned alot this week; about ourselves, each other and about her.

Madelyn is amazing. She is really turning out to be a pretty little girl. She is already trying to smile and hold her head up. It's awesome to see her develop everyday.

Ash is also turning out to be an amazing dad. He tries really hard to help me out and keep me from doing too much. He showers madelyn with kisses and can't stop staring at her. He also can't wait to start swim lessons and soccer with her, we went to target the other day (actually we've been there 3 times this week.. So many things we need that we didn't realize) and he perused the sports aisle for a good ten minutes picking out the stuff they would need.

I am also enjoying our little girl, although I spend most of my time feeding her and generally unable to do much else. It's funny the motherly instincts that naturally appear, I can already read most of her cues for a need before she gets frustrated and starts crying. She is worth every stitch, every gasp of ouch, and any of the fuzzy details of labor pains I experinced.

Although life is not all peaches and cream...
I am still in alot of pain, swollen and feeling weak. I know this should only last a few more days but man... It hurts to walk and to sit, so my options are limited! Coughing sucks big time. I've got an email into my doctor about more pain meds (I hate asking for a refill, makes me look like a junkie) and to ask him if it should feel like this. I am more swollen than I should be, the swelling actually got worse day three or so, when I had a coughing fit and think I may have busted something. Ugh.

-- Post From My iPhone

Friday, March 26, 2010

The longest Saturday of my life.

Birth story!

We were told to expect a phone call starting at 4:30 am Saturday morning. In all of our anxiousness, ash and I were up and at um by 2:30. Since this isn't the fun part, I'll just give you the bullets...
- 8:00 we call them, call back at 12
- 8:30 lost mucus plug or bloody show (who knows!)
- contractions start up just as the "are you" phone calls roll in.
- 12:00 still can't come in, ash and I go to the mall to walk. Contractions as little as 3 minutes but as much as 8 minutes apart.
- 12:30 someone please cork my butt, cleansing begins. Also almost got hit on a crosswalk at the park.
-5:20 while waiting for phone call, decide to do dinner out.
-5:21 phone call comes. Scheduled for 6pm.

When we got to the hospital, I told them about the labor I was already feeling, after they hooked me up they determined I was contracting every 2 minutes ( who knew? Not me!). The pit got started and I was checked (1.5cm) around 7pm. An hour later I was gwtting ultrasounds on my legs for a superficial blood clot that formed. Some of the parents showed up and I was cooking at 2cm. I tried to tell the nurse my water broke, but she said it wAs just my plug. (later determined to be my water) By 9pm, I was at a mind shattering in pain 4cm. The pain was so bad I was convulsing during and after (the contractions never let up after 8pm). I wasn't screaming, but definitely cussing and apologizing profusly to the nurse so doing so. She was amazing and went to see if she could get me an epidural after determining that 4 stage.

By the time the epidural guy came, I was in so much pain that I was throwing up and straight up shaking like I was in the midst of a seizure. My dad took one look at me and he said he'd never seen eyes so big and pupils so small. My step mom was still in the room and helped me through some of the toughest contractions. She was awesome. As soon as the epidural was in, I was checked again and at a 7 (40minutes from 4 to 7). Although I could still feel some pain, it was definetly better after drugs.

About two hours later, I was ready to push. Babe was sunny side up so the two hours of pushing got us nowhere. The nurse said she was going to call the doctor in, the heartbeat was almost nonexistent after a push... And ash and I prepared ourselves for a possible c section. Luckily, he came in and took one look at how tired I was, and recommended a vacuum assisted delivery. It seemed like seconds later Madelyn was born.

I was torn, snipped, and exhausted....but finally a mom. More later!

-- Post From My iPhone

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Zoning out.

Last night was a huge upgrade. Madelyn ended up cosleeping (I know I know...bad mommy) but she keeps refluxing and it was scarying the poo out of me, well not literally I will get to that later. Breastfeeding is a lot easier on my side and it's pretty easy to just attach her and go back to half sleep. I won't say I am full on sleeping yet, too worried about her!

-- Post From My iPhone

Monday, March 22, 2010

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Ready or not!

It's 4:30 am. I should be sleeping but I'm not. I am waiting on that hospital call to come in for induction. Ash is wide awake too. We are both nervous, anxious, and excited all at the same time.

I finally started to freak out yesterday. I think I have been zoning the pain part of this whole process out and suddenly it's all I can think about. Having never been hospitalized or had any major surgery it's understandable but you can almost hear me think "it's okay if she sticks around a little longer".. The exact opposite of everything I've been saying forever now.

God, I should be sleeping. I know that the process could last 24 hours and that after that I could be breastfeeding every three hours for months..so really this is my true last oppurtunity to get any rest. Yet here I am.

Last night I was able to time contractions for three hours at 7 minutes apart before I feel asleep and they went away. These were definitely more painful than usual...so we thought maybe I was having real labor (if so, hey not too bad on the pain scale) but they went away. Which was probably a good thing, because of the induction, I didn't want to be that asshole that showed up at 2am thinking I was laboring to find out I wasn't and be sent home. This has been a lucky enough pregnancy that I hadn't had that happen.

Seriously, no phone call yet...this is going to be a long 4 hour window. It's like the damn cable guy, but in reverse, cause they aren't coming to my house, I get to find out when to come to theirs.

For those patiently refreshing or checking back on this site later to see if Madelyn has arrived, my plan is to post sometime soon after her arrival. Y'all have followed me this long, you deserve the benefit! So no post probably means no baby, but check the twitter sideline at the top for updates when ash allows me the use of my phone. (he is gong to keep it for my sanity sake due to parental "is she here yet" calls).

See ya guys in parenthood.
-- Post From My iPhone

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Super excited to still be pregnant

Super. Do you believe me yet?

Plans today are to:
Walk the dogs
Get the house clean again
Try and give myself a pedicure if I can reach my toes
May take a bath, but would require a deep tub clean so we shall see.

Argh. If only I could add have a baby to this list.

-- Post From My iPhone

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Move out day

Just giving Madelyn a "get the heck out" notice. I'd use more upseting swear words, but she's my daughter so I want to start this relationship out right.

No contractions last night, even with stripping my membranes for the FOURTH time, which was definitely supposed to work. Good to know, body...did you hear that?

I woke up with a headache from grinding my teeth last night, the stress of family is really bothering me and it's coming out in the middle of the night. I sure it was irratating to Madelyn just like it was to ash. He looks worried about me. I keep saying I may end up with pre partum depression rather than post just dealing with the drama. I'm done.

-- Post From My iPhone

Tuesday, March 16, 2010


Doctors appt went well. I am still at 1cm, but effaced to 80%. At least I made a little progress. It's never the progress we think it will be but hey it's something. The hospital has been exceptionally busy so our induction is scheduled for Saturday. We get a phone call sometime that day to go in and start the process. It's exciting to know we have an actual date, disappointing that it's not Wednesday or thursday...but what can you do. The doc did say he was happy with my progress and the induction will definitely work now, plus he said her head is much further down then before. I guess he had another gal who was scheduled for Friday get checked yesterday and go into labor overnight so he is positive Madelyn will come on her own prior to Saturday. He says he just has to scare them by filling out the induction paperwork and they make their own escape.

Still not betting on it, but hey...it would be nice.

I am looking forward to not getting the "are you" phone calls. I vented today via facebook and Twitter, it backlashed and I was told I was being rude...it's just already disappointing to myself, and having to answer to a million (ok, 18 today) other disappointed folks just makes me feel worse! I guess I should have left some things anonymous so I could have a true place to let my emotions escape (helps so I don't lash out at ash). Oh well, I am sure this is just the first of things I don't do right in this next few days (big events never seem to work out perfectly without hitches due to parents etc). Can you tell the pregnancy hormones are really starting to swell up?

-- Post From My iPhone

Monday, March 15, 2010

Heartburn, fake contractions, and zero baby

But hey, still living.

Ash and I went to a rather large mall, walked each corner... I was able to have just a few contractions during the process. Then we walked a smaller mall, same thing. I have also pulled weeds and washed my car today. Still...no baby but plenty of fake its to be had.

Old wives tales dictate i should be going into labor any minute. I havent gained a pound in two weeks, i have definitely dropped, and my body is cleansing itself out faster than I can put nutrition in. Plus, Madelyn is moving less today than usual. Funny, I am not running to the door right now or would I bet any money on it.

Heartburn is still terrible. I am out of my OTC acid stuff and the tums aren't really working...I imagine I will be heading out to get some more before the days over.

-- Post From My iPhone

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Something is missing here

A baby. Still waiting!

It was a super fun filled weekend, a lot of sitting and waiting around kind of fun. Our last weekend without a baby and ash was super busy with his convention... Now he is sleeping on the couch! Being as how I have had a couple of yowza type of contractions today, the kind that hurt too much to talk, I figure I will let him sleep so someone is well prepared in case something amazing happens...like actual labor or my water breaking.

Would be awesome, just saying Madelyn...just saying!

We are so ready!

-- Post From My iPhone

Saturday, March 13, 2010

39 weeks 3 days

Last baby bump picture!

-- Post From My iPhone

Friday, March 12, 2010

Final countdown!

Man o man I am tired of the falsies. Yesterday I had so many I thought it really was the day! I think we might be making it to this induction date. The only real signs I've had is that I have lost weight/maintained the same for two weeks, my system has been flushing itself, and I do feel like maddie is "lower". That and those damn contractions that lead no where.

By the way, this wouldn't be a good weekend for a baby to come... Ash is going to be at a comic convention all weekend in Seattle (an hour or so away) and he has work at night. My dad is busy with construction home projects. And there isn't someone scheduled to watch the dogs. So, clearly, she will probably try and make her debut this weekend if she wants to maintain her drama queen status.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

7 days! No wait 6!

Can't wait any longer.

I am seriously considering taking castor oil, mowing the lawn, washing the car...whatever it takes to get this baby to come naturally before we induce.

I guess it's 7 days to induction (as long as hippy doc doesn't change his mind) so I was partially right on the title.

Ash had to go out for a work function last night... With the expressed concern by me that he not drink too much and keep his phone on him. Of course, easier said than done, as his industry is such that drinking is almost a requirement. 3 am rolls around and he comes wandering in, a little too talkative for so early in the morning! Luckily I didn't have another bout of falsies after midnight or his ass would have been grass! He knew I was upset, but he fell asleep muttering about how it's really hard to see the reality of a baby because it's not in his stomach and he doesn't get to experience anything until she comes. And he mentioned the constant "your life will change forever and have fun now" comments from the peanut gallery...welcome to my world my friend.

He scheduled some friends of his to come over tonight for dinner. 6 days till I am due and I have to plan what to make. The wife is a bit picky and isn't a big fan of non Vietnamese food, so I always struggle to figure out what to make. Maybe we'll do something spicy with lots of pineapple, followed by a castor oil shake to get labor going! Ha!

-- Post From My iPhone

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Holy mammoth

I am carrying a small giant. The ultrasound today confirmed (plus or minus one pound) that I am currently carting around a 8lb 15oz baby. Ash was apparently that large...so it's quite likely that this is the actual size and not just an estimation. It's crazy that we were once worried that she was too small.

Her head alone is showing 42 weeks, her body 40. The ultrasound put us at 40 weeks 0 days....otherwise known as get the heck out day! Of course, hippy doc
didn't want to schedule an induction just yet...which is why I was thrilled to have Ashley around. He and I were able to talk him into a march 18th induction of she doesn't make her appearance on her own.

My body of course is still shit tight, (okay I meant shut, but heck I will leave it as it lays) and I have changed from a 20% effacement to a 60%...thankfully something has made progress. I had my membranes stripped again (3 weeks in a row) and nothing has changed. I am still in hope that she will come on her own this week/end, but at least I have an end date to look forward to.

Everyday I make sure the dishes are done, laundry washed and folded, bathrooms clean so if we have to head to the hospital we come back to a clean house...I am hoping I don't have to do it all again the next day...we shall see!

-- Post From My iPhone

Monday, March 8, 2010

No call no show

Single digits. 9 days, although it's just 4 hours from being 8 days. We have an ultrasound and then our weekly checkup. There better be some damn progress! If not, I will demand some sort of progress from Madelyn...I will have to jump on some beds or trampolines...something to get her going. Most of me hopes that they take one look at the ultrasound and send us straight to l&d.

Maternity leave kinda sucks. I hate being here without something to do. I just wanna see a baby in my arms!
You know what else sucks...everyone else is busy...working, doing stuff on the outside, promising to get together but not calling! (christina- you have exemption). None of my friends have called, just family...good lord I don't want to answer the same question daily! No mom, I didn't go into labor. Madelyn isn't here yet!

-- Post From My iPhone

Sunday, March 7, 2010

10 days

And nothing.

No signs, even my phantom contractions disappear without progressing. I've got the new Mario game to spend the time away waiting. But I am bored!

BORED! I tell you.

-- Post From My iPhone

Saturday, March 6, 2010

11 days of patiently waiting

Seriously kid. Come on out.

Our freezer is stocked, the house is clean, even the dogs have been groomed and exercised. Everything is waiting on you Madelyn.

My maternity leave was set to start tomorrow, but i just couldn't wait and called out today pregnant. Finally, a day when I could just call in and say I wasn't up to it. Two nights of only sleeping an hour and mild contractions that lead nowhere left me wanting to take the day off. So I did.

It's too nice outside. We took the dogs to the park and walked around trying to get her to make her way out of my womb. Last night we did the same thing but at wal.mart. Clearly it's not working.

Come on baby come on.

-- Post From My iPhone

Thursday, March 4, 2010

13 days or less.


I am sooo excited to be done with work in two days. It will be nice to relax for a week and just absorb everything. Funny to think I wouldn't even get to this point, I thought we'd would be talking about Madelyn turning two weeks.

I am looking forward to my body back. It's weird to wake up with new symptoms this far along. I am sleeping well, but wake up to achy bones and today a super swollen right hand (strange).

Ash and I are going to have those "come to Jesus" talks this weekend we think. It's funny that I am not anxious about the actual delivery but how to handle my mom and my dad, who don't speak, but are both very important to me... The hospital has a policy of two set visitors during labor, then a relaxed policy after. I don't know that we want visitors while I am trying to work thru pain, but I also don't want to be a bad guy and not allow grandparents to experience this. Then the after, who gets to come in first? How long can I and ash bond with Madelyn before inviting them in (would it be rude if we waited an hour?) I want to do the skin to skin and try to breastfeed, and I would prefer if we were in our new room. So does ash go and announce her arrival and then they wait for a little longer? Plus, if they are all allowed in, regulating baby holding time will be stressful...my mom won't want to share with my dad/stepmom, and ashs mom will be waiting too...probably with ashs sisters. Funny that these are the things I stress about..not the pain or the sleepless nights but grandparents.

-- Post From My iPhone

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Sweeping the pipes

I have apparently lost weight. My doctor has asked me not to do that again, I am not trying! In fact I have been craving more and more sweets so I thought I would be up more!

My doctor didn't really mention how big he thinks she is, or how big I was showing. He just listened for her heartbeat and then checked my pulse. He did comment that he wouldnt let me go past my due date (but didnt say why the change of heart). Youll hear no complaining from me, but he never gives reasoning behind his decisions. I was still tight as a submarine, but he swept my membranes (holy yikes) and changed me to 1cm (or fingertip dialated).

Ash comes to very appt, even the ones in which I am checked, so I think the doctor gets a little flustered and forgets what he is doing sometimes. In his defense, I think he is just a more modest doctor who isn't used to molesting a patient in front of their husband...he almost runs outta the room immediately after without saying anything or goodbye. When ash had missed last week, he stuck around answering all of my questions for a good ten minutes, so I know it's not just his normal bedside manner.

After we did dinner and had some heart to heart conversations about delivery and how I have been feeling. I haven't talked much about the weird anxiety I have had because we have family that reads this blog so you can't be as honest as you can when its full knowledge of who you are and who you are talking about. It was good that ash is totally in agreement and is willing to take the lead on the "come to Jesus" talks that will need to happen in the coming weeks. I will write about it once I think fully on how not to cause more drama than necessary.

Two weeks, Gawl! So crazy!

-- Post From My iPhone

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Losing the poll.

My guess was the 28th. Clearly, I was wrong.

Ashs mom has the 13th, my mother has the 10th. She has just recently gotten facebook, and figured out how to "post an event" for that day...super.

I kind of hope she comes on her own day, something that has no significance to anyone but her. We'll see.
Clearly she's not an early bird like her dad and I are. We are constantly 15-30 minutes early for everything and get really irritated when people are late. Prehaps she's trying to teach us a lesson.

My maternity leave starts sunday. I really thought I wouldn't make it until then. Now, I've got to come up with a list of things to do to keep myself occupied next week.

So far I have -

Rent the newest Mario wii game, finish it.
Make my friend's daughter a gift, ship to japan!
Get my haircut (it might be awhile)
Visit favorite restaurant, the melt.ing pot with a friend.
Borrow professor ds game, finish it.

Sounds menial, but it's all I can think of. Plus, when's the next time I will be interested in video games for awhile? I am current on all of my book reading, nothing left in the list...and the nursery is done so no nesting to do. (cleaning is all done too).

I'm not even on maternity leave yet, and I'm already bored just looking at the list.

-- Post From My iPhone

Sunday, February 28, 2010


No water breakage here. Damn full moon giving me false hope. I even slept with the blinds open to try and soak up the moon rays. It didn't work.

I am tired of waking up disappointed to still be pregnant. I know it's wrong, but an extra 50 pounds on my frame really puts a toll on my body. Swollen all over, stretched skin, and a neverending battle with infections/headaches... It's hard to want to stay this way.

Funny thing is I wake up sad Im not in labor pains and during my commute I actually look longingly at the hospital (doubt that happens for most people). I did have a dream I was one of those "pregnant for 40 years" T L C ladies.

So off to work I am heading, to be asked the same "you are still here" questions until Saturday, when I get to say so long to work for at least 10 weeks. I hope my cupcake baby comes at the beginning of this maternity leave so I am not sitting around feeling sorry for myself waiting for her arrival.

-- Post From My iPhone

Friday, February 26, 2010

Hey guess what I have!

Another ultrasound appt, but not for baby...I have to get my kidneys checked out this afternoon after my doctor spotted yet another possible bladder infection yesterday at my normal appt, along with some intense spasms today that sent me straight to his office in tears.

I was checked yesterday and even with all of the falsies, I am as tightly closed as a summer vacation house in winter. Only a 10% chance of delivering this week.

The doc has an idea that all of my cramping could be related to this infection. We talked about maybe doing some antibiotics when he got back test results and sent me packing (sad about the news of false labor).

This morning I went to work a little throwuppy and achy. As soon as I got out of the car, I could barely walk due to some intense back pain that went from the middle of my back to my tailbone. After an hour of tears, I called in and got an emergency appt. I knew it wasn't labor, it felt more like back pain associated with a kidney stone (Ive had a few in my day).

While waiting to go for this ultrasound, the spasms have since gone bye bye, but I am still going to go, and get the antibiotics I was prescribed...Better safe than sorry. If the pain comes back and gets really intense, I have a free pass to go straight to the hospital where they can monitor me and Madelyn.

-- Post From My iPhone

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Ah the love

After finishing up our baby shopping on Tuesday (just nursing tanks left on the list...which I am procrastinating on cause damn they are expensive and what happens if nursing isn't successful!) we did dinner with my dad, stepmom and one of my aunts. Madelyn was taking a bruising 101 course in my belly and even ashs eyes got big when he put his hand on my stomach during one of her assaults. It was an uncomfortable dinner! When we finally got home (we missed lost which pretty much doesn't happen here in this household) I started getting mild cramping and headed to bed. I woke up an hour later to severe cramps that I immediately started timing again. This lasted for 5 hours and even though they never got closer than 6 minutes, I called labor and delivery at 3am, cranky and exhausted. They told me to take a bath and try to sleep. Right, a bath at three in the morning...excellent advice. The contractions stopped on their own sometime after I forced my eyes closed to a clock that said 4am.

These suck by the way. I am all about contracting and the baby producing process, but it is just that....I want these events to produce an outcome, not just go away and not have a baby in the end of the pain tunnel.

But, my post is not just about contractions. Everyone knows I live my job, I love it, I do. But I am getting on my last nerve here and just need a moment to vent. I used to be full time but switched to part time to move to "the clinic" as we shall call it from now on, with the agreement that it would go to full time sooner than later. I am kicking ass. I do well at my job and often give the full timers a run for their money sales wise even being there less hours. My beef is this: most of last month 3 out of us four gals were on vacation, or sick, or dealing with family business....guess who covered ass and got to deal with changed schedules, added sales goals and overall coverage of the counter -8 month prego lady. Not a big deal, I dealt with it... until here we are in month 2 of covering ass and I am now 9 months, ready to poop (haha, meant to spell pop, but poop is also a good word to use). When I should be calling out because I got two hours of sleep from contractions, or just sheer f*ing exhaustion, I work and have my schedule changed to accomondate someone else calling out. It's awesome. My work actually called monday to see if I could pull a 6th work day this week....6. They also scheduled me to work until 11:15 pm this Saturday in my 38th week of pregnancy. I've already been called today to switch my schedule, instead of a mid shift, I now get to close because the same person is continually calling out. So my next four days are as follows - close, open early, close late, open. Awesome. I am supposed to be the one causing others to work around my health, yet here I am.


-- Post From My iPhone

Monday, February 22, 2010

Almost there

Tomorrows the day. She's got one day until she's officially freeloading.

Her movements are crazy painful and damn is she strong. Madelyns head is down tight and the twinges on my cervix send me to my knees! All of the prep work is done, nursery is set, the very last of the needs list will be picked up tonight with our gift cards from the shower over the weekend.

We've got to get the dogs nails done and groceries out of the way today. I wish I could say I would be spending the day laboring with signs of contractions in my mist instead of these super fun duties, but oh well.

I think I might try and find this red raspberry leaf tea and evening primrose oil to help move things along or at least make labor easier when it does finally happen.

3 weeks to go.

-- Post From My iPhone

Friday, February 19, 2010


I had 'em big time last night.

4-5 an hour for 5 hours, contractions that started at the top of my stomach and rolled downward. I wasn't quite sure they were contractions but even when I moved they seemed to get stronger not lighter. Madelyn moved after every one, she had the most active night to date while I was wincing. They hurt more than braxton hicks normally do.

They went away when I finally got to sleep. I was hoping they were going to turn into more, but it wasn't meant to be. I even prepped the bed in case my water broke.

Speaking of sleep, most of month eight I was getting up 4 times a night to pee and drink a ton of water, I was drinking at least 24oz in the middle of the night on top of my 80-100 I was drinking each day. Now that I'm bigger and she's dropping, you'd think it would get worse, but I am actually sleeping through most of the night. Just one trip/one waking period and I wasn't even thirsty last night. Weird.

I still feel like she's coming early. Our last baby shower is this Saturday, at my favorite cupcake store, so once that is over she has fully been ok'd to come by the family. It's awesome to see how excited everyone is for her arrival!

-- Post From My iPhone

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Fighting the hippy

So we had another doctors appt, only this one we went with the most recent ultrasound information (larger baby). After telling him about the fetal medicine doctor recommending that we get induced on our due date, he hymned and hahhed about it...saying you can never be sure as it's an estimate. We were a little frustrated. I don't want to try and go past, not with even the slimmest of chances of a stillborn due to the umbilical cord artery. He doesn't understand this. Him and his five perfect babies and five perfect labors to boot don't see a reason to worry.


The toughest part of all for me this last month has been dealing with the short term disability, maternity leave, and paperwork headache. On top of being uber tired and in dull ache like pains, my work requires notice of 30 days from the date of delivery for maternity leave. And all of the other random documents I have to fill out are just as nasty about when you leave. I just want to be at home with my feet up right now, but dammit I don't know when she's coming so I can't take off exactly two weeks before she delivers for the sake of our HR...you lose, thanks for trying.


Anyhow, these are my two biggest rants of the day, seems like they could have been seperate posts but I am tired and lazy, now back to work with the crazy "I swear it's a full moon" customers I seem to be magnetic to today.

-- Post From My iPhone

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Real advice

Found a really funny source of pregnancy woes from an excellent writer. Thought I would share...


-- Post From My iPhone

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Won't hear me say this again

I hope Madelyn doesn't come tomorrow. It would suck for her to have a valentines day birthday. So my goal is for her not to come tomorrow, if she wants she can come Monday, just not tomorrow.

-- Post From My iPhone

Friday, February 12, 2010

Interested parties

Being pregnant seems to have a full time job attached to it, especially in this last month.

There is a constant borage of questions, antidotes, advice and predictions that I get to deal with every moment of the day. Because I work in retail, in a particularly busy environment, I have to answer to 40 or so different remarks everyday.

Take today for instance...

When are you due? (40 times or so)

What's the actual due date? (I tell people a rough estimate. A month, 6 weeks etc...)

What are you having? It is your first? Are you excited....nervous...tired...(the list goes on)

Oh you are definitely having a....(apparently people are unaware of ultrasounds as I had people say both sexes, only to argue with me when they got it wrong and tell me it was definitely a boy and the ultrasound was soooo wrong so don't be surprised!)

You look....small, gigantic, ready to pop, barely pregnant, good, carrying it well, scary (yes, two mall walking drones refered to me as scary today).

Besides the obvious annoyment of answering the same questions over and over, sometimes it seems that it's almost too much personal information. Not that it would happen to me (knock on wood a few trillion times) but it's a little freaky when someone wants to know all the ins and outs of my pregnancy so they might follow me out to my car and try and rip my baby from me (it sounds retarded and obsessive, but I think about weird stuff).

I am lucky that only a small handful of people I don't know have walked right up to rub on my belly, but the constant questions are almost as bad!

-- Post From My iPhone

Thursday, February 11, 2010


So this post is all about poop.

You've been warned.

No seriously. Prepare for too much information.


Pregnant ladies might be all glowing and lovely, and the idea of growing a child might make people melt with love...but the reality is most days emotions and energy levels are all based off of my pooping ability that day.

Pregnancy pretty much stop all of that production and unless you do crazy amounts of fiber in your diet.

Up until a few days ago I was all in that group of ladies with slowdown production and 3 days between poops was the norm.

A few days of constant poop and tonight...drum roll please.... The beloved diarrhea. Most of the time this would be a relief to the system, but this late in pregnancy, it can actually be a precurser to labor.

Besides the crazy amounts of nesting, I can now add weird digestive bowel issues to the "could it be soon" question in my head.

Just as I was telling Madelyn to stay in there till the end of the month (money wise it would be great if she did)...

Only time will tell!

-- Post From My iPhone

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Holy whatta biggin'

We had another ultrasound today. I was half hoping on the way there that the fluid levels would be low, so they'd have to induce me in two weeks rather than let me go over my due date. I know it's awful, but if I had to feel like this for more than 5 more weeks, ash and I would be at wits end and I would be crying all of the time. My mcdreamy hippy doctor with five kids of his own at 35 (his wife is one of those lovers of the pregnancy bug plus they are Mormon) was all about letting me go up to 42 weeks if necessary and I could not for the life of me handle it.

So, little ol Madelyn and her super small bod have gotten ginormous. As in 12 weeks ago she was in the 37th percentile, than 8 weeks ago she was at 56th, 4 weeks ago she was at the 47th and 3lbs 11oz.....now she's a massive 6lbs 5oz and in the 76th percentile. Looks like she's just a late bloomer! That weight of course can be off, but if she goes to 40 weeks, she could be 9 f'ing pounds! Holy large batman.

My mom has been seriously concerned (like enough to call me four seperate times in two days) about them letting me go over due to the single umblical vessel and small chance of stillborn if they bake too long. I promised her I'd ask. The genetic counselor doctor lady didn't have that concern, but because of the size Madelyn is showing, she did indicate there would be NO way the Doctor should let me go past my due date.

At my next appt, the one with the super strep test (yah!) I am sure gonna let him know what she said.

Not that it may matter. My little Braxton hicks are getting more intense, more in the back to front kinda cramps, and she's moved into a very painful head down position. I still predict the 25th of February, let see if I am better at this "mothers intuition" than I was at the gender.
-- Post From My iPhone

Sunday, February 7, 2010


Shoes are a thing of the past now. I am officially swollen from my toes to my knees, plus my hands and my eyes. This is awesome.

My blood pressure is higher but not "high enough" to dictate a phone call to labor and delivery or my doctor. I only know this because during a recent dizzy episode he had mentioned that exact phrase after similar readings.

Agh, 5 more weeks. 3 more working. Jesus.

Starting to have a few contractions an hour, mostly off and on and they never get too strong or too close. I hope this means she's going to come soon, like 17 days from now when she's full term officially. I am just ready to have her. Ash too. He looks at me and just says how he is ready to have this child in his arms... It's sweet.

-- Post From My iPhone

Saturday, February 6, 2010

How is it?

That we already have 900 dollars in medical bills for a baby that hasn't arrived yet. This is nuts.

Right as I go down in hours due to swelling, taxes abd hoa dues are due, we need new tires on my car (the baby mobile needs to be safe)...


-- Post From My iPhone

Friday, February 5, 2010


As I am here at work scheduling out my maternity leave, I started wondering...

Will I be one of those women who go to labor and delivery twenty times in the next month or will I be the one who doesn't know she's in active labor till it's too late to get to a hospital.

Over the last few days, I kept thinking the baby was just getting all "out in front for a few moments" and just now realized that these are braxton hicks (at least I hope that they are). I've had two in the last hour and the previous ones have been similar. Alot in a small amount of time and usually when I am walking.

The dizziness is more extreme today, well...it's a half dizzy and half weird pressure headache that doesn't feel "right". For being pregnant, I am also not peeing nearly as often as one would envision...not that I should complain about that, but should I worry?

5 more weeks to go, how am I going to make it work wise...everytime I am here I feel really shitty. It really is hard to focus and get through the day at home not standing on my feet giving makeup advice!

Here's to it going fast.
-- Post From My iPhone

Monday, February 1, 2010

Never knock on wood.

Seriously. I was just telling my friends last night at our dinner shower that I hadn't thrown up or been sick to my stomach since new years. Ha. Here I am feeling a little ill now as I write this.

Yesterday was a bad day besides the party. I worked alone at my counter and was experiencing a mad headache (still here...and worse these two days but Ive had it for three weeks now) super dizzy/vertigo like feelings and cramping. I knew my blood pressure was high...I was starting to have some major swelling in my hands and feet but I couldn't get away. Even after sitting at the dinner shower for a few hours, drinking a ton of water I was still swollen (but felt a little better).

I am looking forward to talking with my doc today, as we are in the two week appts phase luckily this one was already scheduled. I'm going to be sure to talk about this and the cramping and one episode of bleeding that has me worried. Either I will get reduction in hours note or talk to him about a bedrest note. My blood pressure always checks out higher than normal for me at my appts, but I don't get it measured after Ive been at work standing all day.

The dinner shower went awesome. It was a coed friends shower filled with conversation and good food! We (well Madelyn) got some diapers and clothes. She is already so loved and it was good to get together in celebration without the shower like festivities (games etc). We truly appreciate all of our friends!

And because I can. Here's a picture of ash working on his "baby do" list. Finishing the downstairs painting before she comes....

-- Post From My iPhone

Friday, January 29, 2010

Under pressure

Da da dum dada dumdum.

(the song is in my head, sorry)

Last night and this morning have been massively uncomfortable. I can't tell if it's her head, hands, or feet...but something is scratching up and down my cervix like a cat on some curtains.

It's enough to stop what you are doing and almost drop to the ground. I remember having a few of these last month, so I don't think it's labor related. Googling it just comes up with some crazy crap so I can't trust anything from there.


-- Post From My iPhone

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

So i really meant the day after tomorrow...

Yesterday was a mess. Literally.

Bustahs little neck injury was turning into a big neck injury yesterday morning. He wouldn't go outside for his morning routine but managed to crawl up the couch to lay down next to me while I had breakfast. All was well, but he suddenly got uncomfortable and got off the couch and hopped to a corner. It took me a second to realize he had peed all over me and the couch (and himself). I was pissed (ha!) but also super worried about him. After waking up ash to give him a bath, all 50 pounds of him I can't lift and carry up stairs, I wiped down the leather and cleaned up his oops. Nothing like a little baby practice to start the day.

I spent the rest of the day grocery and target shopping. Target has some crazy baby clearance right now. I picked up a play yard for 60 and finished getting some "necessities" for after. I love going through a checkout with hemmoriod pads and stool softeners. Makes you feel awesome, you should give it a try. I haven't needed these yet, but all of the moms that have been through it say to stock up on these, so I did.

What I didn't buy was baby clothes, good lord this kid won't be able to wear any of her clothes more than twice at this point. The only clothes I have allowed myself to get are 12 plus months, which is cool with me because they start looking more like stylish outfits than costumes at that point!

I can't remember if I talked about the last doctors appt, I think I did...

7 weeks and 1 day to go. Still think and want this baby out early! February 25 sounds good to me...full term for her and not so blimp like for me. I keep looking for signs this will come sooner than later. The maternity leave lady suggested I take two weeks before my due date off, but what happens if the baby is late? It would take away from the 6 weeks after baby I will have. Decisions decisions. Ash only wants me to do 8 weeks, we will have taxes to pay for (crossing fingers this is the last year), tires for the car, and other awesome expenses are keeping us from being comfortable with having more than that.

Although my comment section is back to registered users, I'd love to know whose still reading. Is it worth keeping this up?

-- Post From My iPhone

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Stuffed and tired!

I just returned from my work baby shower, it was good times to be had and great food (red r.obin). The best gift was a pair of jeans I've been eyeing but hadn't bought because all my extra funds are slated for baby. They are awesome and will be great motivation to get back into shape after Madelyn comes.

In other news- bustah (the larger of the two beagles and our original "baby") appears to have the same neck injury Sadie had last spring. Super. He's being quiet and is trying to hide the pain (it's amazing how well we know our dog) but isn't hiding it very well. It's doggie aspirin time and some gentle loving care in my future.

I ve got more, but am tirrrrred. So I will post tomorrow!

-- Post From My iPhone

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

A lengthy appt

My doctors appt Monday was good, I finally got some good information from the doctor. We started discussing labor, birth plans, and what his vision is. He referred to a birth plan as "angering the labor gods" and that the best plan is one that is made between him and I on the day of birth. All of that sounds fine to me, I am not too worried about how it goes, as long as it goes. Madelyn sounded good, although I am measuring two weeks behind in uterus terms, he seem to not worry.

My main questions regarding possible csection (thanks to that nurse in november who commented on my "csection likely" check she did) were squashed, he said he hadn't noticed anything odd and that plently of women deliver just fine. I have also been under the assumption and "feeling" that this baby was coming early...although this may just be a want more than a truth, whereas he talked about inducing if I go over two weeks (I think he is thinking a late baby due to size). I just want to put it out in the universe that I am desperate to NOT go over...please oh please come on time or minutes after Madelyn turns 37 weeks which is full term and in 35 days from now. I cannot fathom going extra long into this, not how I feel right now and how I imagine I will feel in 5 weeks. Seriously.

-- Post From My iPhone

Sleep unknown.

It's officially uncomfortable all day and now all night.
My hips were on fire last night even with a pillow wedged between my legs. I know i should just get used to the sleeplessness, but damn, i also want to stay sane. I was also reading this book last night, baby wise, about breastfeeding, and was actually kinda freaked out by the notion of feedings every three hours for the first 6-8 weeks. Their idea is to feed, keep baby up and active for a bit, then put them down for a nap all in three hours. While this sounds good, where does the breastfeeding mama get sleep in that? The only way to make that work is to pump for two feedings and try to sleep through a batch of time while ash takes control. I know sleep is not something to expect when you have a new infant but damn, I don't want to end up a crazed maniac. There is probably a happy medium I haven't discovered yet!

Madelyn is still very active and present most hours. Sometimes it feels like she having a seizure in there. She's definitely growing because the heartburn is ridiculous. She's pushed her way up to squishing my internal organs so much that water causes an acid digestion attack. I know we have 8 weeks left, but damn girl, i want her out now! Not only for selfish reasons...okay they are all selfish, I just want to hold her and get her life started...plus I really am done.

We have limited things that are still needed, it's nice to know that if she came right now we'd be okay. But, it's not 100% and my OCD is killing me. Our last shower is in a month, too long to wait to finish up in my opinion...but oh well.

Ash is still needing to learn appropriate ways to talk to a pregnant wife. In my "woe is me" week, he has unfortunately commented on me needing a haircut and that my butt is getting bigger. I know he meant these nicely, but it didn't come off as such, especially when I was already down and out about it all.

-- Post From My iPhone

Saturday, January 16, 2010

A little pamper time..

Is what I need. Funny that being so close to having a baby and I should be worried about diapers, diaper bags, and how life will happen with me not bringing in an income for a short time...yet my thoughts are drifting to my needs.

I am starting to look and feel shabby. I need a manicure, some lounge wear, a haircut, and maybe some post baby clothes that will make me feel whole again. The next person I attend a shower for is getting things that are all about mommy time. Cause the last thing they want to buy is stuff for themselves, and it is definitely the first thing they think of for after this is all over.

Augh. That's how this feels.

-- Post From My iPhone

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Nesting much?

It's official. I am bat crazy and nesting.

Last night I organized the cabinets in all of the bathrooms, this morning...all of the storage closets and bedroom closets too. Not alot left to tackle. I am ready and prepared for this baby to get here.

It's driving Ashley crazy. But man, it feels good to have it all done!

-- Post From My iPhone

Monday, January 11, 2010

Looking good

Madelyns ultrasound went great, she is showing 3lbs 11oz which is at 50% percentile. She's made some good improvements so we are looking like they are going to let her just keep baking away. They even offered us a 3d look at her, which was pretty cool. She looks identical to her dad, lips and a nose that didn't come from me!

It's a blurry pic, taken from my phone, but it's cool enough to see past that. 8 + weeks to go!

-- Post From My iPhone

Friday, January 8, 2010

If only

...I could eat. I know I want food, and that I need food...but dammit if my body isn't rejecting every damned thing right now.

...I could not be uber tired and have bones that hurt and a bladder that functions properly without constant infections and enough money to stay at home for the next two months so I don't have to deal with any of the above at work.

I don't mean to be a complainer, I really don't. But, I also want to accurately explain how I feel both for the five or so people who might read this and my later "oh I could TOTALLY do this all over again" self. The information in books and from others just doesn't give this shit I feel justice.

I, however, am lucky to not be on bedrest like my due date buddy over at breederbeware. I feel awful for her, bored and unable to find comfort in the few things in life I enjoy (a clean house and chocolate). I liked one of her suggestions, I may go out this weekend and load up on paper plates and disposable cups, I am waayyyy too tired to do dishes all the time especially right after work.

As long as Madelyn starts looking on the up and up, we may make it through this without the threat of bedrest. Although I am pretty sure the dogs would dig my laying on the couch all day.

Monday will tell us how the rest of this pregnancy may go. All hope is on Monday. Till then, we can just sit and wonder when this little girl is making her appearance.

-- Post From My iPhone

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Oh goody goody

The nausea is back in full swing. In fact, I might just have to set the phone down and stop blogging in a few minutes so I can make it to the bathroom. I was back to the once a week toss in December and now this week looks like it might go up in occurances, as Monday was a particularly bad day and today isn't looking so good either.

Also, anyone had the metallicy stars in their vision while pregnant? It's happening more and more, I feel like I am tripping on acid or something.

Anyhow in non pregnancy related news:

Yesterday, I happened to stop by my old stomping ground store and saw my boss for clini.que. She took me aside and let me know there might be an opening back in my old store with more hours. It was awesome. I love the crew there, plus the extra funds will definitely come in handy when the baby gets here. Not to mention, my commute time will be much much shorter, gas money less, and more time at home with madelyn. It does mean one more day of work (five) but I used to have that and going down to four makes a BIG difference to your pay, it would be going back to what I was used to right when we are going to need diapers and formula. I am supposed to hear from them in a few days. And my maternity leave isn't a big deal because I already work for the company. Cross your fingers.

-- Post From My iPhone

Sunday, January 3, 2010

That update I promised...

Here in good ol week 30.

Swollen legs and ankles, pressure like this little girl is about to fall out, back pain....you name it. Super good times.

I hope this baby is amazing so I can forget all of this.

We have our next ultrasound in a week. I think Madelyn is finally packing on the pounds so instead of having her really early, now my focus is can I work all the way up until she's here. The tingley legs and bruised ankles are telling me otherwise, my next doctors appt isn't until week 32 so I have a few more weeks before I can consult our doctor about it.

The nice thing is I've gone from "you are soo tiny..." to "wow, you're really big" in a week. No more "are you eating enough" stupid questions or "you haven't even gotten to the worst part yet."

-- Post From My iPhone

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Holy belly

Ahhh this app has photo options now. Sweet!

Quick update tonight with pictures...later tomorrow I'll get around to an actual post.

Sorry for the belly thin skin look! And here's the nursery thus far....

-- Post From My iPhone