Sunday, May 30, 2010

Yay for an update

Tears aplenty. So much has happened this last few weeks.

We had a date night alone, leaving maddie with my parents overnight. It wasn't my idea and it was sort of thrown at me outta left field leavig me to say sure when all I wanted to do was run away with my kid in tow. My parents asked in front of tons of family, and I didn't want to come off overbearing. I cried all the way home...but all went okay and things promptly went back to "holding a baby" the next night.

Maddie rolled over...twice. What was great about it was it was in front of ash and I so we were both able to see it. She hasn't repeated it regularly enough to say she's got it down and it wasn't just a fluke.

She's officially sleeping through the night. Usually 7 hours or so. We are trying to introduce her crib to her. Tonight I put her in there to sleep overnight...which means I won't get a wink because I will be doing the breathe test at least five times. I can't wait for her to get her naps in there too, on a schedule, for longer than twenty minutes (if you put her down) average. Some days she sleeps for 3 hour stretches in her playard or swing...but most days it's "I sleep when you hold me".

Ash and I did the deed without birth control (condoms for now) without thinking about it until after. Not that it took us a year to produce her..what's one time? I still haven't gotten my period...when is it supposed to come? I stopped bf two months ago. Shouldn't it be here by now. Am I paranoid enough to go buy a pg test...possibly.

Enough for now. I promise to start posting more regularly seems like no one came over from the old blog so I find it harder to write when i think there isn't an audience.

-- Post From My iPhone

Sunday, May 23, 2010

2 months, new developments, and other randomness

So, it's been a week.

I've gone back to's been great, super busy and my work has now become my
day off from my home life...weird but that's how it feels. I still want to find something with more money or better hours, maybe even getting back into lighting (my old profession). My "feelers" are out in so many directions that hopefully something pans out. I kick ass at my job, but I also want to give madelyn the finer bits of life so a better income is definitely in order. Plus- retail schedules suck ass for family plans.

Madelyn is two months! TWO months! We celebrated by cooing and smiling, followed by her first "pissed off" face, and then sleeping through the night...that's right...through the night, 10 hours! It's amazing. I am hoping this continues, we'll see.

The working/finding care thing is ridiculous. Ashs sched changes with the weather so planning out care is painful and constantly readjusting. Take this Sunday for example...he now suddenly has to work, and offered up his 14 year old sister as a babysitting option. 14 year old. Babysitting a 2 month old. No. Thank. You.

-- Post From My iPhone

Friday, May 21, 2010


I just wrote a lengthy post only to have blogger crap out on me before I saved. My two month review will have to wait until tomorrow. Sorry folks!

-- Post From My iPhone

Saturday, May 15, 2010

One for the road or twelve

We have to do a long haul trip with maddie today. Ashs family lives way out yonder, or two and a half hours away. I don't know how she'll do having to sit in the car for that's only been ten minutes and she isn't a happy camper yet. We tried to work it out to be around her nap time..."you are getting very sleepy...sleepy...sleepy". Oops. Hasn't worked yet.

Packing for such an occasion takes effort and planning for a natural disaster scenario full of diapers and extra formula. I think she's got five outfits, 30 diapers, and two full packs of wipes for the road. Dear god, I hope I packed enough formula. Please let there be enough formula. Please.

This week went ok, just ok. I go back to work tomorrow so we (and I mean me) tried to get Madelyn on a "I can fall asleep on my own and be put to bed in a bassinet" routine. Currently, this does not happen. The second she falls asleep (from bouncing or swaying) and you put her down, instant wakeup. This leads to a baby weighted lead object that stays attached to your arm all day. The babysitter would not be thrilled. So I tried the cry it out method alone, and failed, miserably. Ash came home to a tearful, hair pulling wife and immediately sent me to target and starbucks. These are my stressfree zones and he knows it!

I could use some advice on this one, what do I do to get her to enjoy sleeping without being held. Tomorrow is her first full day without ash or I, thankfully with grandma and grandpa, but still. I don't want them to hate watching their grandchild.

No one should hate watching this one.

-- Post From My iPhone

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Moms day 7 weeks in the making

It's strange to be a part of mothers day and not just in the buy something quick and get it to mom before it's too late. I spent this day with a friend also celebrating her first mothers day walking the park and enjoying a lunch in the sun with our babies.

Madelyn is also seven weeks. She is a big girl whose smiles and giggles can tear at your heart, who knows if she cries just right she will get whatever she wants, and a little girl who is becoming easier and easier to just stare at in wonder.

Most days this week were spent playing and cooing. We talked about life, I introduced her to the bjorn and she digs it so much that she can't decode weighed to eat the thing or sleep. I can leave her in the bouncer chair and take my time in the shower, plus put makeup on and pick something to wear before her attention span wears thin. This has been the best week ever, I bet next week will earn that title too!

-- Post From My iPhone

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Ahh Finally...

You don't know how good it feels to be completely back to a blog that has no family readers (at least the family I don't want reading this). Finally I can speak my mind without it being thrown back at me.

I am mainly speaking of my sister in law. She's a bit crazy and finds it incredibly exciting to harass the everloving poop out of me when she gets on a rant. Her last rant was the catalyst for me to change blogs. I needed to vent but I had no outlet in which to do so without it biting me in the ass. I had made a joke about the sheer cost of formula "damn it's expensive" I believe on facebo.ok and she posted a comment saying she knew I'd give up and that SOME people are just lazy about breastfeeding. Sweet goodness, I say.

I ended up texting her explaining I thought it was "a little rude" of her to pass judgement and that she didn't know the full on story. I told her about the jaundice and the supplementing, even that I continued to pump/feed until there wasn't enough supply to even express more than .5 oz. But apparently this is the most evil thing I could ever do to my starving baby who is in the 90th percentile for weight and height. She went on a 30 text tirade about how shitty of a mother I was and that I needed to seek help for post partum depression. Apparently I am also "a lowly makeup girl" who will never amount to anything and that Ash should leave me. The list goes on and on and on.

Ahhh Family. Wish you could kill them, but you cant, you gotta smile and grit your teeth.

The final kicker was her saying she didn't want her son (my new nephew) around me for fear I would hurt or kill him. This, my friends, is the crazy.

She is the only person I am aware of who thinks of me in this fashion. I am a great mom, according to Ash and those around me who aren't belittling me via text! I would never harm my nephew, in fact, I love him dearly. And, to be honest, the crazy one isn't me... she also just recently had a child, so I'm pretty sure someone is transferring her own fears onto me in regards to ppd.

Anyhow enough ranting. I have to go be a terrible mother to my child and spoil her rotten with new clothes, all purchased using my terrible no good birthday money meant for me.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

The Deed and other ramblings...

Yep, it's done.

One of the most note worthy things you may notice about this blog is that I will take no prisoners and I will most likely overshare to my hearts content. Just an F.Y.I. so you can leave now and never return if that's not what you are in for.

So, onward to too much information!


Ash and I did the sexy times, it was brutal and overly painful, but it's done. I am glad to have done it for his sake, as he was frothing at the mouth due to no sex for two months at that point. It took alot of lube and a little tylen.ol after but it wasn't the tramatic experience I had thunk up in my mind. My ladybits were beaten already, right? I wouldn't say it was the most pain I had endured, no where near childbirth...but it that was a 10 on the pain scale, this was a 5.

Speaking of ladybits. My six week checkup was upon us yesterday. The nurse that I adore has left the practice and I was left with this "mama doesn't know best" bosy version of her. It was not pretty. She reminded me how to lay on the table for a pap smear, like I hadn't been laying on one every damn day it seemed during my pregnancy. I was able to talk with dr. McHippy about the pain I had been experiencing...I left out the sex part, whoops, didn't know that wasn't okay'd yet. What I thought was a bad vericose vein from pushing was actually unhealed scar tissue from my tear which makes me wonder just how big that tear was, considering the pain of the "scar tissue" is nearly front to back. There is absolutely nothing that can be done for it, being allergic to good pain meds is awesome, so I get to suffer for another 6 weeks to 4 months while my ladyparts go back to normal. Yay! for more painful sex! Also found out that one of the stitches was still present...aka no sexy times allowed for another week or two.

I still owe a breastfeeding explanaion post and a bodymorphing post for those of you I know want one...I promise to get to it soon. We are having major computer issues but those should soon be fixed.

Today is my birthday, so far I've broken all of my rules about taking care of yourself first and no chores. Damn, being a mom on your birthday stinks. I've fed Madelyn breakfast in bed and had to do the dishes/trash/laundry morning routine already and it's not even 8am. The closest fun times ahead today are a trip to Ash had to work his first day shift, so it's just me and the little lady all day. Diapers! Drool! Spitup! Poop....all types of Poop! ahead...

Sunday, May 2, 2010

6 weeks

Has it really been a month and a half already. Just two weeks until I begrudenly go back to work!

What a crazy life this has become. So self centered around a newborn and her on again off againove affair with sleep. Some days we have the worlds most perfect baby, others it's an all out war on sleepytime.

Madelyn is cooing away, she now has several distinct cries and smiles at me when I talk to her. She spends so much more time awake now, car rides are more roulette style with the "will she sleep or won't she.".

Ahhh what an amazing little girl.

-- Post From My iPhone