Thursday, April 30, 2009

Early Birthday Amazingness..

Seriously, Ash has had his fair share of duds when it comes to gifts. See here.

But, this morning, a full 5 days before my birthday...a UPS truck happened upon my door. Ash was still asleep and I tossed the package on the table thinking it was another tool for his xbox controller thing he's making. He stumbled down the stairs and told me that I'd better open it.

Low and behold! New Iphone! OMG OMG OMG

We agreed that he needed one at the beginning of this year and that I would wait until the end of the year to get my own, due to how expensive it is. I have been hinting at wanting one, if he asked me a question about an address or movie times, I would bring out my imaginary iphone and pretend to find the answer. Hint Taken!

It came at a great time. I knew this month was not working, only 5 days until my period and I have zero symptoms...including pms symptoms (odd, really). My boobs haven't started hurting and I don't have super acne face. I can't even claim "maybe pregnant" symptoms, dammit!

Did you see both my period and my birthday are coming on the same day...super excited, let me tell you.

Peeing on some money and other musings

I really wanted to post a picture of me flushing a dollar down the toilet, but I decided to save you all the visual of a toilet on my blog. Hell, if I was really awesome I would take a picture of me actually peeing on a dollar, but I won't because...well I'm not that awesome.

I've peed on two dollars so far - I could have gotten a large slushie for that. I know I know. It's still a little early, but like I've said before, this one is moot anyhow.

Thankfully, I've filled myself with fun things to do over the last few weeks as to occupy my time. The killers concert, trivia with friends, and last night....

I attended a taping of America's Got Talent. Mind you, I have never held an interest in this show, but then again I've never been to a live taping of anything so when my friend asked if I was available...of course I said hell yeah! I didn't have much hope for the talent pool of Tacoma/Seattle. I was corrected a few times, but the crazies were out in full force and during the booing and "x"s I almost felt sorry for them. It's like producers of all talent shows just love to show Seattle as Crazy Town. We had quite a few burlesque performers, one in particular I was really excited to see come out on the stage. My friend and I had seen her at the CanCan in Seattle for her bachelorette party, and let's just say, she's really good. Really good. She did end up moving on to the next level, so hopefully she'll do well and everyone will get to see her. I wasn't able to locate a picture of her or any information, but I'm sure in the coming months, something will pop up.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

And the stress keeps a coming...

I don't know if I have the full energy to get into this now, but I'm a little stressed out from a phone call I just had with my mom and well, this blog is for stress ranting, so bear with me.

My mother and father split up back when I was 2. Both parties were in the wrong, in my opinion, and hell, they were very young. My mom moved us away and changed our last names to reflect her new husband by the time I was five. We referred to my father as sperm donor until I was 20, if we ever mentioned him at all. Throughout these years, I heard horror stories about how awful he and his family were, and at 18 I thought he wanted to kidnap me. When I was 20, I accidentally found him through his sister that we had limited contact with as children.

Turns out he wasn't this crazed manaic I had envisioned. Over the following 7 years (this june) I tried to understand his point of view while ducking the hatred coming from my mother for talking to him. Like I said, both parties were young, and after a lot of soul searching and questions on my part, I chose to keep him in my life.

This is the overlying issue that seems to cloud over my feelings for my mom's side of the family. Comments always seem to be made about how they feel about me talking to him, or how much they don't like him. I don't always take them well, I mean this is the person I now call my father. Plus, my father's side never has anything ill to say about my mother or that side of the family, so it just seems a little lopsided.

Conversations with my mom always seem to get to this point, where we hash over the same old stuff over and over, especially this topic. Hence, the blog post about tonight's phone call.

Blah Blah Blah (underlying guilt comment) blah blah blah...really that's not what I meant it to be...blah blah blah blah.

I may go more into depth about all of this in the coming months as Ash and my main concern is bringing our own child into a mix of "Grandpa's the devil" kind of conversations my mom's side may (or may not) seep into our child's brain. Ash's opinion is that it will lead to us never leaving a baby alone with that side of the family (both for this reason, and our difference in religion...he's pretty sure they'll be told that their parents are the devil too).

I ended up hanging up on her (it often leads to that) and after many texts and voicemails, I finally a text: Either live with it or risk causing harm. I'll let her make her own judgment as to what it means.

Boooh. I just want some wine right now.

Monday, April 27, 2009

5 more days...

till I can test.

I pre-bought some dollar store tests just so I can be a ridiculous crazy and test whenever I damn feel like it...hell it's only a dollar.

Symptoms this time around are few, it's not close enough to really tell and I don't think that PMS ones should be happening quite yet. Ash says I'm cranky, but I've been a little tired lately, and tired makes me super crank. Not tired in the "oh my gosh I'm pregnant" kind of way, just a little more than going to bed an hour before I usually do. I could have had some uterine cramping yesterday, but it also could be my imagination.

Who knows...we'll just wait and see!

EDIT: Just wanted to show the crazy and say I tested on day 8 past ovulation...and oh my gosh what a surprise, it was negative. Those tests were just taunting me....I was weak.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

I survived...

the baby shower.

It was very long, about 3 and a half hours. I was doing okay amid 5 or so pregnant gals in a group of fifty. The jealously and fear weighed me down, but all in all I did what I could to focus on why I was there.

Only two mishaps that made me want to start crying. Nothing that a normal, well balanced person couldn't handle. In my present state, I would definitely not lump me into that department. Thankfully one of my cousins (due on the 3rd) was able to talk me down off the tear ledge.

I am just really afraid that maybe it won't come, maybe I won't be able to get pregnant without help. The internet both helps and doesn't...I've found alot of blogs to read of people who have been trying for years to no avail and some that tried for just a month and were able to conceive right away. I wonder where I will fall in this...but am scared to know the answer.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Trying to Rule the Grocery Game

In my quest to find other things I can get obsessed about during this two week wait, I've tried to pick up good habits that could aid in reducing our bills. In the past, I tried out the grocery game and found that during the three week trial, I didn't actually get any real advice. All of the almost free deals or stockpiling habits weren't things we would actually use or eat, so it really didn't make sense for me to spend money on it just so I could save some. And the rebate crazy of Walgreens or Rite Aid weren't worth the hassle either. In the past week however, I found the website Money Saving Mom and am convinced again to give it a go.

I try to budget us $50 a week for basic groceries, although we tend to get extras during the week or eat out alot. I still need to learn how to make some basic meals at home, oh what I would give for a good basic meal plan.

This $50 budget doesn't really allow me to stockpile stuff, like buy 20 things of dish detergent because it's just 50 cents after coupons. So, I've decided to try this thing out on my own, find deals, work the system, and see what I can't come up with.

This is my first shopping trip that I am going to post, loaded with coupons in hand, I tried to get all my money's worth out of Safeway. They had a deal going on, when you buy their living well products, you got a $10 coupon towards your next purchase.

First Purchase:
Total Before $74.86
Coupons $16.75
Out of Pocket $42.27
savings of: $32.59 (or 48% I think)

I think I did okay, but it's really just the first go.

8 more days...

8 more weary days until I can test to see if I am right or wrong about being pregnant. I am hoping I am wrong and that by miracle, I managed to conceive amid tons of stress and missed "connections."

A random thought to ponder...

You know when your seatbelt hits just so and you've just ate? Is that what it feels like to be pregnant? The pressure on your uterus, the bloat in the tummy? I was driving home today and that sensation came over me, not I think I'm pregnant, but thinking is that what a pregnant lady feels. Curious.

Headed to another death of my emotions...

The finally baby shower for April is today. Standing in the baby aisles yesterday to find a present was ridiculous, but at least I had a real purpose for being there instead of looking like a crazy lady eying babies in their strollers. So far since trying to make one of our own, I've been invited to four showers, FOUR in FOUR months, each one gets harder to attend. Just the pressure of my own mind while I am there kills...along with the questions of when yous. No one was pregnant it seems before we started everyone is and I am so jealous it is driving me batshit!

Friday, April 24, 2009

The Countdown begins...

I'm a little cranky, not gonna lie.

I look for symptoms that aren't there. I wait and wait for this two weeks to be over.

Went to dinner with a friend who is 13 weeks pregnant tonight, and amidst our conversation, she told me that even 4 or 5 days after ovulation that she just knew...

I don't think I'll be that accurate in feeling pregnant, just look at my last few months and their symptoms, and you'll realize I often think I might be when I am not. I'm at that 4 - 5 days past the big o, and the only thing I feel is a little grumpy.

Bear with me, ya'll. This looks to be a depressive few weeks!

Thursday, April 23, 2009

How you got here...

One of the blogs I follow Conceive This posted earlier about Google Analytics, and I thought I'd follow along. These are some of the search keywords that bought me some new viewers from Google.

if i got period on march 12, 2009 when will i be fertile

Hell, let me figure out when I'm fertile first, then I can try to use my psychic abilities to help you. In fact, on March 12, I was done with my period, so really we have nothing in common....thanks for moving along and visiting me for one second.

girls from ames


foot in mouth

This one is not surprising. If nothing comes from Google search ever again, I can feel confident that at least I came up when 70 percent of my past life had been doing just this.

Pregnancy Annoucements - Mom

I've always been a creative kind of gal, so it is no surprise that one of the first things I start to think about if I think I may be pregnant (I don't think so at the moment, but work with me here) is how to announce it.

Previous Announcements:

Fortune Cookie
Big Game
Dad Help
Gas Card
Construction Dad

Being that mother's day is around the corner, it's time to start thinking of how to spring a new baby on your mom...

Outing Take your mom out on the town for Mother's day. Start with breakfast or lunch, get some pedicures, and finish your day shopping. Make one of your last stores Babies.R.Us or another baby driven retailer, hell further the wait by saying you just need a gift. After a while, grab a registry gun and see if she gets the hint!

Subscription Plan ahead and get a subscription for Grandparents magazine to be sent to their house, either wrap up a copy and gift it to them...or just wait as they ponder why they would be receiving such a magazine in the mail.

PhotoAlbum Using one of the online sources or crafting it up on your own, create a photo album of memories your mother and you have had, leave the last page with a title "the moment you found out we were pregnant."

Yet another me focused day...

Hey! I didn't think about how many days until I can test yesterday. Yesterday was all about spending time with Ashley and see our favorite band, the Killers. We both did get a little warm and fuzzy at seeing a couple of dads and moms with their kids at the concert, and imagining taking our kids to see their favorite band. And I'll admit I eyed a very pregnant gal in the crowds and wished I could be her (but not at the concert...we were really close and it was super loud.) I've heard it's not good to go to concerts when pregnant. I'm going to No Doubt in July, so if you guys have heard anything, I'm listening.

Also, realized that General Admission is no longer my cup o' tea. I felt like I was about ten years older than anyone in the crowd. We were enjoying the music, not making fun of someone else or texting a friend who wasn't at the concert, so Ash and I were definitely out of place! Seriously! You paid to see a band, you can do those things later. God, I'm old.

EDIT: I forgot to mention that I cussed out a 17 year old....yeah, I'm that cool.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Sue Me.

Yeah, it's the two week wait. And I didn't feel bad when I ordered the margarita at happy hour before trivia, then two more drinks at the bar during trivia. It was all a little much to drink, but damn if it didn't make me feel better at the moment. Having not drank hard alcohol in over two months, it worked faster then when I was a lush who drank all the time at triv (not excessively, but during fun times, yes). I still feel a little bad, but hell, it's only day one after ovulation. Being so strict about everything and all the crazy going on...I just needed it.

Seriously, this month is mute anyway. Stress galore, might as well add alcohol to it to seal the deal. We've gotta start doing things the bad way, maybe we'll get pregnant quicker.

Ash and I are both amazed about this process. He even commented the other day about all the people getting pregnant by "accident" and how it was maddening to him that we had to try so hard. I told him we just needed to get uber drunk one night and use the pull out method, that seems to be the ticket to pregnancy from what I understand around here. It's nice that it's frustrating to him too, I have a friend indeed in this crazy world of baby.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Back on Track

This blog is about pregnancy, right? This last week has been difficult, in more ways than one. I seemed to have gotten hit from all sides; family, home and friends.

With all of this stress, my mind nearly imploded. My heart has been heavy.

Getting pregnant this month just doesn't seem in the cards. People say that stressing out about getting pregnant makes you not pregnant, well this time around, I'd about quadrupled the stress level with everything going on. The watch claims today is ovulation day, as does most of the charts I follow, but somehow my heart just knows it isn't this time. Maybe it's the lack of energy or happiness that I normally equate to trying to conceive. Who knows. During this two week wait, I may not have the guts to test everyday, no letdowns if I don't. I need a vacation, a much needed rest from this depression I'm headed towards. A day of sitting out in the sun perhaps.

In a few days, maybe I'll be back to the crazy two week wait death watch. For now, I'll relax and maybe enjoy a glass of wine at trivia tomorrow to calm my frazzled nerves.

Crisis Averted...for now.

Although our vet was an airhead, we were able to leave with Sadie and what seems to be a truckload of painkillers from the vet. Swollen eyed and all, we were fully prepared to go to the vet with two beagles, and return home with just one.

We gave the symptoms to the vet, and she didn't say anything while examining Sadie. The vet was convinced we were lying (no screaming beagle as she poked and prodded at Sadie) and that she had just maybe swallowed something she shouldn't have....until they asked us to pick her up from the exam table and set her on the ground. Her yelps frightened everyone, they are blood curdling and can induce high blood pressure at yelp one. Suddenly the vet was more concerned. They did an abdominal tap and when no fluid or blood came out, she got another vet to offer a second opinion.
We don't agree with the verdict, but they decided she has some injury to her neck/spine and it would heal on it's own. "She must have fallen." There is nothing to fall from at our house, but oh well. Their best opinion- stock our hands full of muscle relaxers, painkillers, and steroids and see if this works. On the way home, we did decide that if she is as sick as we believe she is, at least she'll be comfortable over the next two weeks.

Tonight when I got home, she is much more animated than this morning and was wagging her tail... we can't really put much weight on her actions at the moment due to the medicine. Hell, I'd be running up and down the street with the amount of good stuff she's on. It's a new two week wait (both with Sadie and with baby) so this should be exhausting and all time consuming.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

A different kind of wait....

Sadie is not good. She is shaking and panting. Her pacing around the house is one of the many tell tale signs she is in some serious pain. Around 4 last night, she was yelping in pain every couple of minutes and I ended up sleeping on the floor next to her thinking it was close. I can't bear to take her into a vet, because I know she will be so scared....and I know they will want to do testing and then treatment on a disease I am 100% sure she has, prolonging her pain. For those who know me, I am a dog person, and my love for my dogs goes on forever....and I can't bear to see her go through that. I've tried to contact a few vets that do house calls, but I have yet to get a call back. Ashley is leaving it up to me to decide what o do, but I just can't make the decision on my own. She is my baby...and just looking at her is making me sob uncontrollably.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Watching what you say...

Shit happens and often it's not coming from the tail end. Sometimes, what you put out of your mouth is just as bad as the stuff that comes out of your rear. In the past, I was exceptional at the latter. I talked fast and occasionally didn't think before words came out of my mouth. It was always something Ashley wanted me to work on, and now, I can truly say that I put alot of effort into this.

What does this have to do with this blog? Plenty.

Think about before you starting trying to have a baby. Think about the conversations you had about getting pregnant or your fertility.

I remember having a discussion with a coworker (during my insert foot in mouth phase) in which we were discussing the timing of baby. She was curious when we were going to start trying, and I informed her we were going to wait until December of 2008... because, well, I'm so fertile we'll be pregnant the first night we try. Little did I know, she had been trying for 3 years.

Now, we're both trying and I wish I could apologize for that conversation over and over again every time I talk to her.

A few days ago, someone asked me if I was pregnant yet, and while I was replying no, a "foot in mouth" kinda gal walked up and joined in on the conversation. She asked how long we'd been trying, I responded. She prompty announced "if we tried, we'd be pregnant right away, I'm soooooooo fertile"and "maybe you are not" ......and she's in her fifties. I could have body checked her without a second thought.

The other big thing I think that literally burns me to my bone are the phrases "well, maybe you aren't meant to have a baby" or "maybe you won't get pregnant" or "it will happen when the time is right/meant to be." I am not religious so the timing thing/meant to be thing is ridiculous, but I do believe that words can hurt and if you put something out there in the universe, maybe it will the last thing you should say to a person who is literally dreaming of being pregnant is maybe you won't be or that you are not meant to procreate. We are mammals, our entire purpose in life is to procreate and have our genes go on, so saying that it's not meant to be is like saying that your entire purpose for being is mute.

We've all probably said something to the like, either before we knew what we were saying or even as something meant to hurt. Before we started trying to get pregnant, we were super human fertiles, just waiting to burst out the first baby when we were ready. After month one, as the overwhelming sadness of that first failure took over, we became the wanters. Four months or four years...failure month after month becomes the same. And as a wanter, I just ask that people think about what they say, you never know what the person is going through on the other end of the conversation.

The Justification of Sleep

The one thing that I can truly say I enjoy because I do not have a child is sleep. I am not a morning person normally and fight getting up before 8am. I justify sleeping in until 9am or so because I don't have a kid yet, and I know this precious time will never be the same when a little one takes over that title "precious." I love sleep, but I know I would love being a mom more.

I know there are probably other things I'd be giving up, but for now the only thing I know for sure would go down the drain is the sleep thing.

And on that note of "giving up things," I thought I would speak to the idea that having a baby or becoming a mother is so that people would pay attention to that person.

I am Jack's complete lack of surprise.

This idea is wrong.

Spending 9 months experiencing any of the following symptoms is not worth any amount of attention someone may seek: nausea, hemorrhoids, stretch marks, fat ankles, or a much larger uterus that may never be the same. No coffee or alcohol or PEANUT butter, my favorite things! Then after baby comes, it is all about the baby. No one comes to your house to hang out with you, especially since you haven't showered for two days and you are waddling like a 8lb baby has just come out of your vagina. They want to smell the baby smell and hold the sack of potatoes that is a crying bundle of joy. From the moment you have a child, life becomes about that little one, not you. Everything you do is no longer about you, you will lose friends, your habits have to change, and you no longer get the best gifts at Christmas...hell, you may not get any, unless you count the new Dora Movie your child got so you don't have to watch the old one anymore.

So, if attention is what a person seeks, the last thing in the world they would want to do is have a child. Instead, tell your parents you are becoming a wican, get some sleeve tattoos, and start showing up to all family functions drunk, hell, drive there drunk... that will get you the attention you apparently seek.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

The Cat...

I've introduced the's about time you meet the crazy of the house. Her name is Pita. Which stands for Pain In the Ass. We got her at 5 years old from Craigslist, as we wanted an older established cat to break us into the cat world. She was previously named Pita, and well that should have been a clue, but we didn't know what we were doing...we were cat virgins.

She came no outside time, I don't know that I could do an outside/inside animal with all the stuff that attaches to fur (GROSS!) I'm pretty sure she wants to be an outside animal, she crys at the window or at the slider when the dogs are outside. Bustah avoids her like a plague. He will sit still when she walks by, so at to pretend he's not there and maybe she won't touch him.Her first week, she peed on our expensive bedding as a way to say "I don't do litter boxes with doors on them, thank you for making me hold it for so long." Sadie was eating Pita's poop out of the tray litter box like it was a Cracker Jacks container with treats inside, which is why we invested in one with a door.

She went from only being on the third floor hiding behind the couch, to the second floor never leaving our bed, and now she rules the first floor and our only white hair magnet piece of furniture. Its only taken her 6 months to take over the house.

Her favorite past time is talking constantly. Again, this is all practice, right? Trying to figure out what something could be crying about at 5 in the morning... I'm just now learning the art of cat cry. It means get off of my chair, feed me, pay attention to me, open the window, wipe the drool off my face, and pet me. Yes, she drools... alot. Especially when you pet her face, I think she likes that.

Everytime someone comes over, I offer them a parting gift, a crying Pita . So far, no ones a taker, so I guess we're cat people.

And we're off...

The race begins. And hell, I wouldn't have believed it myself, but damn if this watch didn't shine a special message this morning. I was pretty sure I was seeing things, and had to put my glasses on just to verify I wasn't.

Low and behold, the days of swearing at this thing for "Not Reading" and "Skin too Dry" clearly didn't damage it's self esteem, and it produced a "Fertile Day 1" just for me!

Some reviewers have posted that the sensors are a dud, and it just reads you the three days before a 14 day ovulation would occur. Unfortunately for me, I can't prove them wrong, I do normally follow that trend of a 14 day O.

Time for Chores!

Wednesday, April 15, 2009


Over the next few days, we'll be coming in to ovulation time. Ashley and I have a new term for said sexy times: doing the chores. Being a healthy adult male, he never thought sex would be a task to be completed on a checklist like chores would be.

When this is all said and done, and a baby is made, he can get back to the good old doing it just to do it.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Things I do...

Things I do the other 23 hours of a day when I am not posting (something ridiculous and/or funny on this blog) or thinking about baby stuff.

Read - I like to read at least a book a week at this point. Two if I can.

Play - I am seriously addicted to Animal Crossing, I love that game. If I am ever home for a long period of time this is my go to game. I have wasted 6 hours straight before, and I'm not afraid to do it again.

Craft - You will likely find me doing this 10-20 hours a week. If I am not knitting, I am sewing. If I am not sewing, I am finding some creative thing to make as a gift for someone else. This is why one room in my house is dedicated to such a thing.

Trivia - Meeting up with people who genuinely like my company. Having a few drinks (not now, but man it used to be fun) and enjoying some laughs.

My Pets - These guys take up a quarter of each day, they are my children from another mother (or species, whatever). If I am not feeding them, I am cleaning up after them...their puke, their hair, and sometimes their messes. They are like my practice for dealing with an unclean house after having a baby.

School - I have returned to school on a part time basis. This quarter, an online class. See me at the end of the year and hopefully (funds willing) I will have my bachelors.

I work - Just about 35-40 a week.

I sleep - Usually 8-9 hours a night.

So, in general, if it seems like I am uber-obsessed to some people, please see the above list for things I do most of my day...

This blog is meant to be an outlet for the crazy, something funny to look back on after we've grown a belly, produced a child, and can't remember how crazy we were in the process. I know that it might seem strange to some, but this is my life and I appreciate every one of you for coming along for the journey.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Remembering what this really is about...

And we're back to Pregnancy talk.

All of these ovulation calendars vary on when I should be fertile enough to make a baby. The one at the bottom of this blog says I'll be ovulating Saturday. First Response's website says Sunday. Another Monday. Don't even get me started on what the watch says...if it wasn't a gift from my brother and his wife, I'd have chucked it out a moving vehicle Day 2.

Jeez. How could they all be different? Isn't there a general formula for these things? The only way to really cover the bases is to just start doing it every other day starting Easter?!

I'm really trying this month to focus on drinking more water, downing less caffeine, eating better food (no more Snickers lunch and dinners). My thoughts are that is could hurt, hell...I'll try anything to help it move along.


Yeah, just found out comments weren't working. Hopefully it's fixed now! I just thought all of you were quiet!

Give it a try. Lemme know! Feel free to go back and comment on old posts... I would love to know your thoughts.

New Layout...

I rearrange furniture every two months in my house, it only seems fair I do the same to my blog. Thanks for your patience.

BreakOut Face

Giving that we have a few more days to the Big O, I thought I would enlighten you all with my current headache of sorts. (A blog is only a good blog when you are complaining about something, right?)

I work in the cosmetic area of a certain large department store. When you think of the cosmetic area, you think of working around alot of pretty people with lots of makeup on and 4 inch heels. Forward to my current craze, hormone driven acne face. It can be really irritating to try to sell someone makeup while they stare at my pimple mess. I have tried many a fix, from new skincare to different foundation, to no avail. Not only am I getting to the threshold of crazy with baby, I have now entered the same realm due to my face...

My list of duds include:
Shis.eido W.hite Luc.ent Cleansing Foam
Shis.eido Skincare Pu.rifying Foam
Orig.ins Per.fect World Cleanser
Orig.ins Orga.nic Face Wash
Clin.ique Mild Fa.ce Wash
Clin.ique 7 da.y scrub

The other issue I have is trying to match a foundation to my skin. I am pale. Makeup is seemingly not made for pale people. I need to find one that works soon, this isn't okay to show up with a line because my foundation doesn't match or newly dry skin from irratation.

My list of duds include:
Shis.eido Dual B.alancing
Dio.r N.ude
Dio.r Fore.ver
Clin.ique Eve.n Tone
Clin.ique Su.per Ba.lanced
Este.e Lau.der Dou.ble W.ear
Co.ver Gi.rl

If ANY of you have tried something that works, I will try it! I am not beyond spending a fortune coming up with something that actually works. I always loved having a clear face and even this is really driving me bonkers.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

In a perfect world...

We'd be getting head deep into painting this room, taking all of the ideas we've had and implementing them for all the world to see. This perfect world being the one where we were pregnant the first month we started trying. Who knew this was not a perfect world....

Anyhow, this is what the plan for the nursery is currently....and since I've newly discovered the collage feature on Picasa, I thought I would show you all what could be, if only....

Not too bad...

The baby shower really wasn't a super experience, but it also wasn't awful. My step mom was ogling after one of my cousins who is glowing with pregnancy (not the one the shower was for) and I can tell you that was the most painful part...watching her wishing to be a grandma. The baby shower was good, my other cousin didn't know she was pregnant until she was about 5 months along so there wasn't much prep time in ways of finances and planning for the upcoming babe. Everyone really put forth an effort to make sure she would have what she needed to start her new family.

I forgot my camera, which I always do it seems. I had found a great picture from Making it Lovely, where her sister had made decorations using a clothesline, pins, and outfits. Our version turned out well, less handmade items and more cute onesies, but I loved it. My cupcakes were a hit, I was worried but they turned out! Hopefully someone took pictures so I can post them here.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Preparing for baby showers...

I am not a religious person (and in the infertile or trying to conceive world, I may be the odd man out it appears) but me get through this weekend.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

In other news...

Sadie - the neurotic beaglette is going down hill fast. Her health has always been sketchy as we got her from a bad shelter situation. Lumps appear and disappear under her skin all of the time and she has some trouble holding "it" so to speak. This past week she started out getting dazed and unable to figure out how to get on the couch (her normal spot)....then she yelped when we touched her at all...and started giving us that pained look seen below. We were pretty sure this last weekend was it for her. It all happened so quickly and we spent much of this weekend babying her with love, giving her soft smelly dog food, and staying on the floor with her. Before we could get her into the vet, she started slowly improving Monday morning...wagging her tail and actually eating her dry food. Tuesday was better, Wednesday even more, but today is not so good. She's got that head down, don't touch me thing going on. The vet scares the poop out of her, and stressing her out just doesn't seem right at the moment. It's a hurry up and wait thing...we're just hoping for the best right now.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Crampy Crabby and Crafty

Yes, this sums up how I felt this past few days. Crampy and crabby.... pretty much my attitude towards periodness and the failure to procreate this past month. Crafty.... well, I've got two upcoming baby showers this month for family members... showers where I will be asked over and over and over again when Ashley and I are going to have a baby of our own. We'll be asked this so many times that if you see some news regarding a crazed woman that's taken hostages at Babies R Us over the weekend, you'll know who that woman is.

Just saying.

Although I am not going to be fond of the barrage of questions about babyness, I am fond of the new mamas to be, so if was only fair to make some cute things in my crafty way.

The diaper cake is a work in progress. I still need larger ribbon to finish it (try not to look at the mismatching ribbon). It's my first attempt at one, and I must say it is not nearly as expensive or difficult as it is made out to be. This is mostly for decorating a table at the shower, so the cake includes a ducky robe, baby lotion, baby shampoo, baby qtips, a handmade ducky rattle and diapers. It was roughly $20 to make.

The baby blanket is for stroller use mainly. It's about 24 x 18 and super soft. I took the extra time to finish some detailing so I guess if Babyzilla (the new grandma always calls me something with zilla on the end as a joke, I was the first bride in the family...aka it's only fitting I call her grandbaby and my new 2nd cousin a zilla too) didn't like it, it can always be used as a wall hanging or doll blanket. Personally, I think it's adorable and I really hope she and her mom will enjoy it.

Wish me luck this weekend, I'm sure I'll post again before then... but I can use any support I can get to prepare me for "Are You" "Are You" "Are You" (spoken like the seagulls in Finding Nemo...mine! mine! mine!)

Monday, April 6, 2009

Period Watch 09'

I've got a new title for this mother of all craze I'm in...Period Watch 09'

Seriously, I have never in my life focused so much on my period, my body, and had such an inability to think of anything besides Baby. Ash is in on it too. He asks more questions now about how I'm feeling and what I'm thinking about, if my period has started, and if I'm okay.

Even during my period, I'm watching for signs that maybe it's letting up early...maybe it's just implantation. This one is less crampy, and a lot less heavy than normal. I'd be stupid to test. Really, Really stupid. I gotta say it one more time so I don't rush to the bathroom right now and test... really REALLY stupid!

Welcome to Frustration.

Damn this OV watch. First the battery had to be replaced, it was a trial that really took about an hour of Ash and I working together came the crying fits of it not reading...finally at the point I was ready to throw it down and give up, I tried one last time, and behold, it started reading. The rough part now is that in order to get a reading at all, I have to tighten it so much on my wrist that it's uncomfortable.

After this first two days (barely in to the second day) I really have some major frustrations with the watch. It doesn't really read. Most times I check, it reads "not reading".. sometimes I get "skin too dry" after adding a little water to my wrist to move the sensor along (seriously, I moisturize twice a day). The thing I most worry about is that even after 14 days of checking over and over again to see if it is working, the watch will be a failure in my quest to determine when I ovulate.

Anyone tried this? Can you alleviate my frustrations and guide me to the correct way to use this damned thing?

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Another one bites the dust...

I had the unlucky 4am wake up today. Thankfully I was dreaming that I had started my period and was smart enough to wake myself up and check. I am Jack's Utter Disappointment.

I was almost crazy enough to test anyway...but this one is like all others, enough to knock you down for days 1 and 2.

Onto the next month, a new OV watch to try, and hey...maybe that crazy lady had it all along, maybe I'll be pregnant in May.

Saturday, April 4, 2009


It's 11pm. The last post I did was midnight Friday....and I asked for anti period dances. I tried making up dances all day, to the thrill of my coworkers and customers.... it might have worked. I've had some twinges and odd feeling of "maybe" periodness but nothing yet. Since I am pretty regular on the 29 day thing, so as of midnight tonight, I will officially be one day late. If all goes well over while I sleep the night away, I will test in the morning. I'm still 50/50 on this at the moment....and am not looking forward to the sleepness night ahead.

Spiritual Dances Welcome

I wonder if there is an anti period dance I could do. Anything to keep tomorrow from going downhill fast...

I don't feel amazing at the moment, lots of random body things to ponder over, and yet the dreaded pregnancy test reigns in true symbolism of "am I."

I ran by Walgreens today and picked up some tests, Clear blue Easy ones, which after researching yet again when I got home, I came to the realization these were the tests not to get. Most tests register at 25 units of hormone, while this one is at I could get a positive on a dollar store test and still get a negative from this one for 3-4 days. They had won me over with their digital "pregnant" and "not pregnant," and in the sheer want of a definite answer, I chose them over the more accurate ones. Oh well. Tomorrow should be the start of the new cycle, so I am going to hold off on the one test remaining until Sunday morning (a day late is a pretty good symptom in my book). What happened to the plural of the tests I spoke of earlier.....yeah, I pretty much ran to the bathroom as soon as I got home and low and behold it was "not pregnant."

Stupid test.

Friday, April 3, 2009

If Only...

While Ashley's little sisters are here, we tend to eat out alot. Case in point, what can be barely called chinese "Panda Express" (although quite tasty) is what we devoured at about 9pm last night. The girls have been nagging us about babies for about two years now, so Ashley and I have always been honest with them about the progress. They really want a niece or nephew now.

So, when we got to the fortune cookies, we all picked one out of the 15 they gave us and opened up. Mine is pictured above in the picture, the girls see this as a definite sign and promptly wrote their own to match below. Mine states: Any Doubts You May Have Will Disappear Early This Month. Theirs: Your Sister In Law is Prego.

I honestly couldn't tell you if it's true, as I didn't pick up any more tests last night, so I'll just wait until tomorrow to test and find out. Either way tomorrow is the do or die day, onto the next month of wonders and a new OV watch to try out... I just need to get a battery for it!

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Still the same

Another negative today. Sweet Jesus this is killing me.

I've had some cramping yesterday and today, so my period is probably right on track for Saturday. Funny that before I started jotting down any and all things going on with my body that the only "sign" I thought I had of a period coming was severe cramps two to three hours before I started. I now know that I have a good variety of PMS and other symptoms up to a week before my period!

I still cling onto the last bits of hope for this month.. the ovulation ticker at the bottom of this blog suggests that a negative test could just be a too early test on today's date. I really hope this is the answer. I'm officially out of tests, and with only two days to go, I don't know whether to buckle down and get some of the good tests, or just swing by the dollar store tomorrow and pick up some more cheapies.

Even Ash is slightly irritated at this whole process, he says it's just frustrating to keep getting negatives... as least he isn't thinking about it 24 hours a day all month like good ol' crazy here.

I was talking with my brother (see previous posts) Adam and he made me feel a little more normal for thinking about strangling the next person to tell me "just stop trying, it will happen when you stop thinking about it." I'm glad violence runs in our family when it comes to that statement! Try and stop thinking about....what you are eating, drinking, feeling...just stop seeing all of those teenage moms wander thru macys on their way to the food court with newborn infants in umbrella strollers, screaming their heads off, and their mom shaking the stroller to get them to stop...instead of supporting their child's bouncing head and look you see a bottle or a diaper bag, NO... because clearly these people can procreate and make AMAZING parents. Sorry, that rant is coming from an internal desire to slap someone for telling me to not think about it... people who make good parents worry about things related to the making and raising of a child.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

12 Days past Ovulation..

Most people would give up at this point. Lots of people would have tested positive already or decided this was moot and just dealt with the fact that it wasn't gonna happen this month. I'm just not one of those people. I really want to see how this one goes... hell, I almost bought more tests on the way home.

The worst part is that the symptoms I am feeling could be nothing more than a period on it's way. My boobs are sore, and EXTRA sore at night. I have been EXTRA super tired today, not tired enough for naps, but definitely enough to wish I could close my eyes for a minute or two. And, if you haven't already been put off from the sheer amounts of TMI (really? maybe we can find you another blog to read?) I've peed three times as much that I normally do on an average day. Anyone reading pregnant or been pregnant....ever had short uterine cramps after peeing? Just thinking into everything...

Sounds all too good to be true. I swear I will go bat shit insane if it's all in vain!

Surprise! Announcements Cont...

Another Good Surprise Option:

Easter Coming Up? Bring your parents an easter basket as a gift to celebrate the holiday. Amidst the candies (I suggest Cadbury Bunny Eggs, the absolute best indulgence on earth) place a few plastic eggs with hidden messages inside instead of candy... Write messages for each one - "Nope, not this one!" "Try Again" "Almost there"... and finally "We're Pregnant!"

Nada yet...

Took a First Response Test, didn't even get a registered line for the not pregnant part, so I have to retest in an hour or so. This is bullshit. I've heard bad things about the first response, but as you know from previous posts, I was unsure at Target what to buy.

My boobs are so incredibly sore, it's crazy. And they gotten heavier. And they've dropped a bit.

I hope this will all work out! I wanna know NOW!