Hanging out in the pit of doom

A pit full of bellies and babies.

I am waiting at my doctors office, at the one and only spot it seems to hang out for those blessed with babiness. I rarely go to appts after whatever infliction I felt is gone, but I don't want to deal with the ash tantrum again. So here I am, wasting a 20 dollar copay to tell a doctor I once experienced what will sound like a extreme case of ovulation.

It also is d day number two. I should have started yesterday or maybe today. I have this painful tumor in my head that makes me hold out in hope...when I know I should just stop by the store and pick up some damned tampons and be done with it.



-- Post From My iPhone

A day of reckoning

God. I hope I don't get my period today. I'd prefer if it was for a good reason rather than just being late.

My boobs are huge, like Victoria secret huge. Which is alot for my size b cup.

Early in the month, I experienced a week worth of really bad cramping near a ovary. Normally I would say it was just normal ovulation, but I had to stop in a store twice to sit down during one of those cramps. I had made an appt, but it was a week out and the day before the appt, I was feeling fine. Ash really wants me to see someone about it, and he threw somewhat of a man-tantrum thinking I could have something wrong with me or worse causing us to not conceive. So the appt is rescheduled for tomorrow to appease the ash god.

My heart goes out to breeder beware. I haven't seen the update yet, but she was hoping for a positive yesterday! Here's hoping!

-- Post From My iPhone

Any number of things

Life is crazy.

Dealing with some family issues, it's surprising to me how little I let me get stressed out now. The current situations, which I will not elaborate on, would have left me in tears and freaking out...now, it's just another day.

Work is great, too much of it, but great. I just got a job offer to work for a bigger line, which means more commission, a raise, and less hours. A triple threat of lovely. Plus I use all of the products so I'll actually save money by working there (free stuff every few months).

Speaking of saving, grocery deals all around. I'm still mad at the crazy buy it all lady, but hey, what can you do. I was able to buy alot of stuff tonight for about 12 dollars, so I am at peace with my coupons. I hope albertsons always does doubles! Super good and cheap food.

I did buy a pregnancy test. Hey, it was on sale. I know i know, it just doesn't add up in case I do turn out to be one of those that tests don't work on, but you can't hate on me for trying. I didn't focus on the ovulation the last few months, so I would like to officially declare that "we are not trying!" to the universe... Just in case it helps.


-- Post From My iPhone

Caught myself

I checked the calendar and I think I'm at 10 days past ovulation. I should be slapped on the hand. Why do I put myself through this torture?

Standing in the time out corner.

Thankfully, with last month's mistaken symptoms, I think I learned my lesson. My gigantic sore boobs and sweet tooth are just signs my period is on the way. Not that I'm surprised at this point.

Such is life.

(in grocery news, I managed to get 190 worth of groceries for about 40 bucks!)

-- Post From My iPhone

The hardest part

I'm definitely in the two week wait, but I'm trying not to pay attention to the chart. I don't want to think about it, but that is hard to do with two new babies in the family and the constant question of am I. I am a pretty honest person and am usually up front about my life with people, but that has backfired a little because now everyone is aware that we've been trying, hence the am I question.

I try not to think about what could be.. It would make my day to get pregnant for fathers day, hell, it would make my year. This blog is going to get scarce of symptoms this time around because of last month and the deep disappoint we faced of thinking we could really be pregnant. I know you all who read this have been through that trial, it sucks and I just can't handle doing it again this month.

I feel like a debbie downer, but I'll try to fill the space with groceies and other tidbits of randomness I can think of while I pretend I won't focus on pregnancy symptoms.

Oh yeah

I think I ovulated yesterday or the day before. I rarely gave baby stuff a thought this time around, not that it really will change anything anyhow. We'll see we'll see!


-- Post From My iPhone

100th post

So here it is...my hundredth post.
I envisioned this to be a much more vibrant, full of glee kind of a post. Unfortunately, both Ash and I experienced a wave of different emotions, from estatic and absolutely sure we were expecting, to crying and full of dread that this just isn't our month. I had a blood test on Monday, after having the biggest boobs Ive ever seen over the weekend. Although we don't have the results yet, my period seems to have started hours after the blood test. Ash is still hoping that the test shows positive and that this is just decidual bleeding...but my hopes have been throw into the disposal.

I am jacks bleeding heart.

I have that appt scheduled for Monday with a new doctor, hopefully well finally be on the right track with a doctor (and office) that actualy cares about getting us to our goal. We may hear from the old office with the blood tests results this week.. but like I said, it's pretty much a no in my book, and that's the hardest feeling to swallow.

And to top it off...

To all that filled my ears with "relax it will happen". SCREW YOU. I relaxed this last month in that there were other things stressful going on during my ovulation week, so we didn't focus on that...and guess what! We didn't get pregnant. Just because you got pregnant right away or by accident, does not make you the authority on how I should feel during this process. Spend a month in my shoes, I dare you.

To the one who made fun of my hopes and possibilty of being pregnant...FUCK OFF. If you were going to talk shit, you shouldn't have asked me about the whole thing like you actually cared. This is why nobody likes you. Just because we have to spend so much time together each week, I will tolerate you only with conversation about the weather and current news, if you dare ask about baby related topics, I swear I will cuss you out in front of everyone and embarass the hell out of you. Don't tempt me.

-- Post From My iPhone

And it's still not here

Depending on when Ive read, or that watch... I should have ovulated on the 21st or the 20th. I don't know if that was true, I didn't really have any signs that I did. I am 14 or 15 days past at the moment.

The signs or symptoms I have had...

Waking up on my own before 7:30, very very out of the ordinary for me.

Sharp unhappy twinges near my ovary (I don't wanna know what possibly could be just yet)

A slight headache, could be the not sleeping in.

Really painful and restless legs, I worked out in the yard for an hour early last week... But this is five days later and my legs are so tired I have to take multiple breaks at work.

But still not pregnant says the sporcle stick....

A local doctors office that I would be using as my ob offers free pregnancy tests, I am just hesitent to go in because I don't want the wrong result, but I am close to breaking down to get this taken care of. If those twinges in my ovary area are what I think it is....I should get in for an exam anyhow.

-- Post From My iPhone

The Countdown begins...

I'm a little cranky, not gonna lie.

I look for symptoms that aren't there. I wait and wait for this two weeks to be over.

Went to dinner with a friend who is 13 weeks pregnant tonight, and amidst our conversation, she told me that even 4 or 5 days after ovulation that she just knew...

I don't think I'll be that accurate in feeling pregnant, just look at my last few months and their symptoms, and you'll realize I often think I might be when I am not. I'm at that 4 - 5 days past the big o, and the only thing I feel is a little grumpy.

Bear with me, ya'll. This looks to be a depressive few weeks!

Back on Track

This blog is about pregnancy, right? This last week has been difficult, in more ways than one. I seemed to have gotten hit from all sides; family, home and friends.

With all of this stress, my mind nearly imploded. My heart has been heavy.

Getting pregnant this month just doesn't seem in the cards. People say that stressing out about getting pregnant makes you not pregnant, well this time around, I'd about quadrupled the stress level with everything going on. The watch claims today is ovulation day, as does most of the charts I follow, but somehow my heart just knows it isn't this time. Maybe it's the lack of energy or happiness that I normally equate to trying to conceive. Who knows. During this two week wait, I may not have the guts to test everyday, no letdowns if I don't. I need a vacation, a much needed rest from this depression I'm headed towards. A day of sitting out in the sun perhaps.

In a few days, maybe I'll be back to the crazy two week wait death watch. For now, I'll relax and maybe enjoy a glass of wine at trivia tomorrow to calm my frazzled nerves.

And we're off...

The race begins. And hell, I wouldn't have believed it myself, but damn if this watch didn't shine a special message this morning. I was pretty sure I was seeing things, and had to put my glasses on just to verify I wasn't.

Low and behold, the days of swearing at this thing for "Not Reading" and "Skin too Dry" clearly didn't damage it's self esteem, and it produced a "Fertile Day 1" just for me!

Some reviewers have posted that the sensors are a dud, and it just reads you the three days before a 14 day ovulation would occur. Unfortunately for me, I can't prove them wrong, I do normally follow that trend of a 14 day O.

Time for Chores!

Remembering what this really is about...

And we're back to Pregnancy talk.

All of these ovulation calendars vary on when I should be fertile enough to make a baby. The one at the bottom of this blog says I'll be ovulating Saturday. First Response's website says Sunday. Another Monday. Don't even get me started on what the watch says...if it wasn't a gift from my brother and his wife, I'd have chucked it out a moving vehicle Day 2.

Jeez. How could they all be different? Isn't there a general formula for these things? The only way to really cover the bases is to just start doing it every other day starting Easter?!

I'm really trying this month to focus on drinking more water, downing less caffeine, eating better food (no more Snickers lunch and dinners). My thoughts are that is could hurt, hell...I'll try anything to help it move along.

Welcome to Frustration.

Damn this OV watch. First the battery had to be replaced, it was a trial that really took about an hour of Ash and I working together on...next came the crying fits of it not reading...finally at the point I was ready to throw it down and give up, I tried one last time, and behold, it started reading. The rough part now is that in order to get a reading at all, I have to tighten it so much on my wrist that it's uncomfortable.

After this first two days (barely in to the second day) I really have some major frustrations with the watch. It doesn't really read. Most times I check, it reads "not reading".. sometimes I get "skin too dry" after adding a little water to my wrist to move the sensor along (seriously, I moisturize twice a day). The thing I most worry about is that even after 14 days of checking over and over again to see if it is working, the watch will be a failure in my quest to determine when I ovulate.

Anyone tried this? Can you alleviate my frustrations and guide me to the correct way to use this damned thing?

11 days past the big "O"

11 days.

Testing starts tomorrow (I am just going to pretend the other tests didn't happen). Small symptoms over the past few days, same as the last months before. I feel like a 14 year old boy everytime I check out my boobs for growth or soreness.. did they get bigger? well maybe. actually, YEAH! Small bouts of nausea all day (random and really short in length) and HELL YEAH my boobs are a little sore. I'm still unsure if it's just my normal period symptoms, as I've got little twinges of cramping and my standard single cystic spot of acne on the chin.

Feeling good about this month, not gonna lie.

OCD with the tests

Seriously, I am ridiculous. I bought three First Response Tests while picking up the Pledge thingamobob. Of course, as I am only 6 days past when I assume I ovulated.....it would only be stupid of me to take a test at this point....but I did anyway. My reasoning...."well, it's just 4 dollars for that ONE test, and I didn't buy a mocha today....sooooooo alright!" The first day I really should test is MAYBE March 31st. So 4 days to go....and in my infinite wisdom and craziness, I may be out of tests by then!

Missed opps...

Shit. I was off a day and I think I may have ovulated early. This doesn't make things very "hey we're pregnant" things happen when you get off by a few days, but in the crazy possibility that it works anyway....I'll shut my mouth and hope for the best.

My Chart.....

Hey....I bet you can't guess when we're getting down!

MONTH 1:
3/07/08 - First day of your cycle
3/19/08 - A little bit fertile
3/20/08 - Fertile
3/21/08 - VERY fertile
3/22/08 - time to ovulate
4/05/08 - End of cycle
4/04/08 - A home pregnancy test may work now
4/08/08 - No period? Maybe you're pregnant!
12/20/08 - If you are, this is your approximate due date.

MONTH 2:
4/05/08 - First day of your cycle
4/17/08 - A little bit fertile
4/18/08 - Fertile
4/19/08 - VERY fertile
4/20/08 - time to ovulate
5/04/08 - End of cycle
5/03/08 - A home pregnancy test may work now
5/07/08 - No period? Maybe you're pregnant!
1/18/09 - If you are, this is your approximate due date.

Ovulation Calculator

The magical web is predicting I will be most fertile from February 16th to the 21st.... so if we're not answering the phone around that time, you know why!

If we do convert that egg into a living thing, the due date would be November 12th.... seriously, how did anyone survive back in the day of no internet, it must have been such a hassle to predict on your own!