Saturday, August 29, 2009

Like a daily hangover

Without all of the fun stories the next day. This past few days, I have felt like throwing up but haven't. Felt totally thirsty but if I drink too much water in the am then I really feel like I am going to hurl. All that "I think I lucked out and missed it" crap is haunting me.

The cat is becoming old news around here. She is now peeing in our dryer if ash leaves it open and peed on her chair with my quilt on it. There shouldn't be any reason she is doing this. She is driving me nuts. We are doing everything right. And if she ever peed on my kids stuff, I would be wearing cat slippers in about two seconds. Craigslist seems to be overrun with adult cats available so the hope is all lost in finding a home for her that she could thrive in instead of hate. What To do. What to do.

-- Post From My iPhone

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Pregnant stress

Went to a motherhood store and started getting a little stressed at the realness of it all. Thankfully I dont need anything for another month of two and i was able to find cute things I would actually wear.

We stopped by a baby depot (like a Ross) and I think I found the diaper bag of my dreams. I am not a baby looney tunes or Winnie kind of gal. If they made a harajuku bag with enough pockets I would just use that....but this one is sweet. I love Paul frank. And the inside is super cute.

It's 50 bucks. But I want it. Bad.

I will probably go back this weekend and just buy it. I don't want to lose out on it as there stock changes and I haven't seen it there before. (last there in may).

I am also hungry. As I post this, food network is tempting me into learning how to deep fry pickles. Seriously, don't those sound amazing. I should be getting ready for my first preg photo shoot. It's in a few hours. I am supposed to bring a few outfits, but I just want a few pictures of me in tank tops, my one pair of jeans that fit, and my converse. Hopefully the guy doesn't get too far from that. It's all I have that fits now as I am too small bellied for a maternity shirt and too big for my normal cute clothes.

Ahhh the stress of it all.
-- Post From My iPhone

A really strange night.

Holy weird batman.

At about 3am I kept waking up (a waking dream I think?) and seeing a shape near the end of my bed. The last of these wake ups, the shape took a little more of a form and went from end of my bed to directly above me on the ceiling.

The shape? No joke. A ghost like one you'd imagine from Casper the ghost with the pointy tail (but not so drawn and cutesy). No arms and no face but clothes like mine. I had never experienced that kind of dream before and my heartbeat went from just beating in my heart to my whole body beating with fear. And a little heartburn to boot.

Ash was downstairs sleeping and he didn't wake up to my panicked requests for him to come upstairs. Ok yelling requests. I worked the courage to go get him and woke his ass up (he was a little pissy at the reasoning) but it still took me an hour to fall back asleep.

Pregnancy dreams = crazy.

Btw. I've been following the funniest pregnancy calendar and wanted to share the link.

Sorry it's not linked properly. I am using the phone to post and blogger app... ahem, blogger? are you listening... Needs this option.

-- Post From My iPhone

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Still in bed.

I am finding it harder to get out of my warm and comfortable bed for fear when I finally do my back will still hurt. Oh sciatic. Can I have a day off?

My miscarriage fears haunt me as soon as I think about going in to a chiropacter or a massuse and getting this thing nipped in the butt. Literally. So I have neglected to look into either, waiting for the second trimester to hit.

Speaking of second trimester, it's just 8 Days away! At least according to my iPhone app...

This has been going by quickly and for the most part painlessly (except for the cramping and back issues). A friend of mine just discovered she's 7 weeks and is busy throwing up every time she breathes, so my woes are far less woeful for her sake.

With my second trimester fast approaching, I want to start on the baby room. Ash, however can't get into this whole thing until I have one of those 7 month bellies. He has trouble remembering I am pregnant, because currently it just looks like I put on a few pounds. Which I haven't, by the way. I want to, I am supposed to, but the scale still says the same thing it did 8 weeks ago. I think he is just seeing my gas baby belly.

Which, fellow work not where the baby is! You are talking to food and gas when you crouch down and talk to my swollen tummy. Just an FYI.
-- Post From My iPhone

Thursday, August 20, 2009

The feather prince

Yes dears. My life can return to it's normality.

Project runway is back!

I can't wait for every Thursday. Tim gunn is my main squeeze. Heidi could be my best friend.

This pregnancy will go much faster! Not only can I count down weeks for baby, I can revel in my fashionista love of reality tv weekly too!

Pregnancy related blogging - no symptoms. No cravings. A bit of a headache each day. It's hard to remember Im pregnant half the time. But! Baby is growing and has reached the fetus stage regardless of how I feel on the outside. Still in total belief it's a boy, my lack of symptoms and pizza face sway the old wives tales in that favor.

-- Post From My iPhone

Monday, August 17, 2009


I had a dream last night that I had a miscarriage. It was so real. I didn't want to get outta bed this morning to pee for fear that would be the case. Hopefully not one of those deja vu kind of dreams that comes true, I was also chased down by a cop because I nearly ran over someone when I realized what was happening.

A few random thoughts -

When I look at a pregnancy calendar, should I look at the date according to my due date or what my ultrasound determined was the date? I would be 9 weeks 5 days according to my due date (dr even kept this date after the ultrasound) or 9 weeks 1 day based off the size we saw? I question this because I have been counting down the days till the end of my first trimester and I wanna throw myself a celebratory buy something baby related that day.

If people could see me naked, they would be able to tell I was pregnant now. There is a bump... And not a gas baby bump. Ok, there is that too! I can't wait for the gas baby to go away so the real baby can shine in the pictures.

Speaking of pictures, I can't get ash to take any so I can post them... And the dreaded take picture in mirror is not a keepsake memory to me. I have been trying to get with a photographer in the area, but we can't seem to be by our phones at the same time. I would like to do a series up until after the baby is born, like 6-8 pictures in a row framed of no tummy to big tummy, then the last with a baby on the tummy. I guess I may have to figure somehing out! Argh!

Symptoms: My scatic nerve hates me. That is all. Oh and that gas baby, i have to learn to eat smaller meals as to not distrub the delicate flower that is my digestive system at the moment. No other symptoms, my boobs have even called a truce and although they have stayed porn star large, they don't seem to hurt any more. Looks like I may have missed nausea, yah!

-- Post From My iPhone

Friday, August 14, 2009

Mixed emotions

Earlier I had posted about my parents responses to our baby annoucement. I was confused by my mothers un excited moment followed by a friend running into her and them holding a 15 minute conversation seconds after we told her the news. Leaving us sitting around waiting for them to finish. The confusion hasn't ended.

Occassionaly I get the "how are you feeling" message but when I return the call, silence and boredom seem to meet me on the other end of the line. Or the conversation is filled with money issues and how she wishes we could go shopping for baby stuff, but alas her money woes.

I had expected a much different motherly experience. She had been begging for a grandchild for 7 years. She was able to finally get one from my brother and his wife (the baby is two months) and she was over the moon. Hell she's already been to Texas twice in two months since the babys been born. But...this is not what I think is hindering her excitement...

She and my father have this crazy hate relationship that I have been able to look past but they have not. I think the scariest thing for both of them is that they will be connected and have to see each other on a regular basis after this baby comes. She is stubbornly deciding that she should be staying out of it. I don't know. She couldn't even make time to come to the ultrasound probably for fear that she'd run into my dad.

Eventually, this blog may be filled with posts like this, as ultrasound appts and birthday parties come up and these two have to meet. It's a frustrating topic that fills my mind currently!

-- Post From My iPhone

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

A quiet house

It's funny to think that in a span of less than 7-8 months, I will no longer wake up to the quiet pattering of raindrops on my window or a bird chirping.... Or the next door neighbor's dog I'd like to shoot. The house is quiet and even the dogs can't get a handle on why I'm up so early, they've already went back to bed.

I hope time moves more swiftly, as much as I enjoy this moment... I know I would enjoy the giggles and glee (even cries) of the little bug even more. Four weeks seems like forever and 8 months seems so unreal.

-- Post From My iPhone

Monday, August 10, 2009

How it went...

Pretty uneventful I'd say. Fearing an episode of fainting during my five vials of blood work, I over watered myself all morning....a bad bad thing. The stomach ultrasound showed the sac but the doctor was having a hard time so he switched to the vaginal kind. Dear lord that hurt. Plus my dad was in the room so the 12" dildo like strobe bought a little red to my dads cheeks. They were then able to make out the heartbeat, the babys last bits of a yolk sac, and an arm bud. I showed small so my due date is march 17th or ST PADDYS DAY! Super excited.

Four weeks till the heartbeat is heard!

-- Post From My iPhone

Ultrasound today.

Still in the "this will go wrong" mood. I am terrified that the ultrasound will show nothing, and that the minutes between the nothing and switching to a vaginal ultrasound will kill me. My dad will be the only grandparent in attendance so we are going to try a stomach one first...please god let there be something good to look at.

My sister,who is 16 and going through her own terrible teens, voiced wanting to be a part of it. I didn't even think it would interest her, so I will have to find something the two of us can do to make her feel a part of this. The next ultrasound will be more interesting so hopefully we can pull her out of school for one.

Needing all the well wishes I can muster today.

-- Post From My iPhone

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Poo and such

A walking ball of gas and hard as hell poo. But on the positive side... This sinks the deal on my "gotta be a mistake or something is seriously wrong" boat I've been riding. Yay for symptoms that are supposed to be happening to pregnant ladies.

The past few days I have really started to feel the gastrointestinal side effects of carrying a ball of cells. Poo. Heartburn. Gall bladder pain. Gas, good lord the gas. This is making me feel better, as in previous weeks the only checkoff I could make on a "are you pregnant" quiz was sore boobs... which happened to me without being pregnant so you know how much heart I took to that. I actually failed that quiz, only having a 25 percent chance of being pregnant.

I can't wait for Monday. Super excited to finally see the bug or bugs and get that final ahhhhh relief moment.

Random thought: everyone is really getting on me for doing things like bringing in groceries or taking out the trash.... How do people deal with it when there is no one to help them....they just do it, and most the time it ends up fine. Live a little people.

-- Post From My iPhone

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Cramp cramp crampity cramp.

Still cramping and pressure. Still no nausea.

Before when I was in the constant state of two week waitdom, I wish and hoped that I wouldn't have to worry about seeing any spots when I wiped... But here I am 8 weeks into babydom and I am still worried I will see it. Every bathroom break freaks me out. I don't believe I would have this kind of paranoid if I wasn't cramping twice a day.

Speaking of paranoia. I am a freak. Still concerned there won't be a baby in there for the ultrasound (empty sac) or that it's ectopic. Celia and my mother in law have tried to calm my nerves a's too late to be ectopic and the chances of an empty sac are small so I should stop with the crazy. Pretty soon (yah! 6 days till ultrasound) I will switch my crazy to will the baby have ten toes and if down syndrome is possible (my aunt has it...does it run in the family?)

Oh. I have been banned from doctor google. People think it's making me worse.

-- Post From My iPhone

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Spending my time paranoid.

Speaking of that cramping.

I got a wee bit of a shoulder pain on the way home and nearly died of a panic attack.
Cramps and shoulder pain equal eptopic...right? My doctor seems to think all is well, but dr google still riddles the brain with what ifs.

All google readings indicate that the pain should worsen. My cramps have stayed the same since day one, and the shoulder tip pain only lasted a few minutes.

I wish I was able to relate to someone who hasn't experienced the full borage of symptoms but has experienced the things I have... so I can know it's just not me... And that a live baby can come out of all of this.

God I'm paranoid.
-- Post From My iPhone


This morning...

First 4:30 am natural wakeup... Which I could kill my body and mind for doing. This should not continue if I want to stay a positive and pleasant person.

First pregnancy dream... Well I had the baby and wasn't able to care for and didn't have anything ready for the baby. Like no binkie and no milk supply...etc.

Still experiencing the cramping, sometimes it is worse then other times...but no bleeding so no worries.

Starting to think of myself as "pregnant" which is cool. I only have a week to the ultrasound to make sure everything is on course and a-ok. Ash is still terrified it's twins, he is one of those planners when it comes to finances.... Twins is like a financial bomb to him. Twice the diapers, twice the cars at 16, twice the college tuition and all at the same time. Plus the daycare would make it nearly impossible for me to work, dropping our income about 1600 a month. We could make it work by maybe having that neighbor watch both... But how much would you offer for one child or two? It would probably be Wednesdays from 4-10, fridays from 4-10 and Sundays 4-7. This is under the assumption that a grandparent would watch the baby on Saturdays (either 4 or 6 hours). Seems like so little...

-- Post From My iPhone