So I lied.

Sadie is back to bad. It's like another 180 back to sick.
Next step is a xray, although both of us are unsure what good an xray will do in figuring out what we can do for her. She is not leading a quality life at the moment, but the vet... The vet could give a damn, they just want more money!

I may try to convience ash to wake up and go with me tomorrow, I don't want to go alone and have to get the death glare from them. He really doesn't want to, but sometimes you gotta team it.

-- Post From My iPhone

A definite change...

Sitting here, I just realized a flip flop of life from yesterdays post.

Sadie is magically better. Shes chewing on a bone and jumping on the couch. Crazy what change can happen in a day.

I've started my period, without agonizing over negative pee sticks and pregnancy symptoms. It's just like how easy things were before trying. And I'll admit that it felt ok, rather than wanting to cry when it started, I just dealt with it and moved on in seconds. What a difference.

Not that next month won't be the crazy baby making haze I'm used to, I haven't totally given up on the idea but I feel like I just don't have room for the extra crazy that I exhibit in that two week wait. I still want a baby more than anything, but since I can't make my body do what I want it to, I'll just have to deal with it.

And since I started today early, I gave up on the basal temping...it's suppose to work best if you start day 1, so oh well. I may still get the fertility test, I should have a gift card coming from target, so I'd just be out 10 bucks ... Not bad for a little false peace of mind.

-- Post From My iPhone

So I drank...

A little, I've had a really long week. Really really long.

I know that I am at some point in the ovulation two week wait, but this month is nill...I can feel it.

Sadie is not doing so hot, she's back to her neck pain and now she's not eating and pooping a red orange. It's hard to say, but we just can't justify spending a fortune trying to make her better if we don't know that this won't reoccur. I don't know what the vet will tell us, but I'm sure it's going to be a guilt fest no matter what. We don't use credit cards anymore, so whatever it comes to has to come out of pocket. And there isn't a lot of pocket room to spare.

What should we do. Where should we go from here.

-- Post From My iPhone

To buy or to not buy....

Seriously.

I know from earlier posts that the whole pregnancy test thing might be worthless, and I say might be because I think I willed myself into believing my body won't show positive on a test like my mom....who conceived 4 unplanned children "just by looking at someone."

But I still can't seem to release the feeling of wanting to test, just in case.

Plus, now that I know I don't have that magical 29 day cycle thing, I could start tomorrow or a week from now. Thanks body! I can't wait to run to the bathroom, tampon in hand 15 times a day!

I am trying to come up with a game plan now that I have a new doctor and a brighter outlook (okay, a dim outlook, but it's better than dark) on this whole thing... see post here.

New things to try and ways to no longer save the money I was saving by stealing groceries -

Basal Thermometer
First Response Fertility Test
First Response Ovulation Test

Any thoughts on these?

Caught myself

I checked the calendar and I think I'm at 10 days past ovulation. I should be slapped on the hand. Why do I put myself through this torture?

Standing in the time out corner.

Thankfully, with last month's mistaken symptoms, I think I learned my lesson. My gigantic sore boobs and sweet tooth are just signs my period is on the way. Not that I'm surprised at this point.

Such is life.

(in grocery news, I managed to get 190 worth of groceries for about 40 bucks!)

-- Post From My iPhone

Unnecessary moments

Times this week I've heard pregnancy annoucements: 3

Times this week I have wanted to crawl under a rock and never come out: 3


-- Post From My iPhone

The hardest part

I'm definitely in the two week wait, but I'm trying not to pay attention to the chart. I don't want to think about it, but that is hard to do with two new babies in the family and the constant question of am I. I am a pretty honest person and am usually up front about my life with people, but that has backfired a little because now everyone is aware that we've been trying, hence the am I question.

I try not to think about what could be.. It would make my day to get pregnant for fathers day, hell, it would make my year. This blog is going to get scarce of symptoms this time around because of last month and the deep disappoint we faced of thinking we could really be pregnant. I know you all who read this have been through that trial, it sucks and I just can't handle doing it again this month.

I feel like a debbie downer, but I'll try to fill the space with groceies and other tidbits of randomness I can think of while I pretend I won't focus on pregnancy symptoms.