A quiet house

It's funny to think that in a span of less than 7-8 months, I will no longer wake up to the quiet pattering of raindrops on my window or a bird chirping.... Or the next door neighbor's dog I'd like to shoot. The house is quiet and even the dogs can't get a handle on why I'm up so early, they've already went back to bed.

I hope time moves more swiftly, as much as I enjoy this moment... I know I would enjoy the giggles and glee (even cries) of the little bug even more. Four weeks seems like forever and 8 months seems so unreal.
.

-- Post From My iPhone

How it went...

Pretty uneventful I'd say. Fearing an episode of fainting during my five vials of blood work, I over watered myself all morning....a bad bad thing. The stomach ultrasound showed the sac but the doctor was having a hard time so he switched to the vaginal kind. Dear lord that hurt. Plus my dad was in the room so the 12" dildo like strobe bought a little red to my dads cheeks. They were then able to make out the heartbeat, the babys last bits of a yolk sac, and an arm bud. I showed small so my due date is march 17th or ST PADDYS DAY! Super excited.

Four weeks till the heartbeat is heard!




-- Post From My iPhone

Ultrasound today.

Still in the "this will go wrong" mood. I am terrified that the ultrasound will show nothing, and that the minutes between the nothing and switching to a vaginal ultrasound will kill me. My dad will be the only grandparent in attendance so we are going to try a stomach one first...please god let there be something good to look at.

My sister,who is 16 and going through her own terrible teens, voiced wanting to be a part of it. I didn't even think it would interest her, so I will have to find something the two of us can do to make her feel a part of this. The next ultrasound will be more interesting so hopefully we can pull her out of school for one.

Needing all the well wishes I can muster today.

-- Post From My iPhone

Poo and such

A walking ball of gas and hard as hell poo. But on the positive side... This sinks the deal on my "gotta be a mistake or something is seriously wrong" boat I've been riding. Yay for symptoms that are supposed to be happening to pregnant ladies.

The past few days I have really started to feel the gastrointestinal side effects of carrying a ball of cells. Poo. Heartburn. Gall bladder pain. Gas, good lord the gas. This is making me feel better, as in previous weeks the only checkoff I could make on a "are you pregnant" quiz was sore boobs... which happened to me without being pregnant so you know how much heart I took to that. I actually failed that quiz, only having a 25 percent chance of being pregnant.

I can't wait for Monday. Super excited to finally see the bug or bugs and get that final ahhhhh relief moment.

Random thought: everyone is really getting on me for doing things like bringing in groceries or taking out the trash.... How do people deal with it when there is no one to help them....they just do it, and most the time it ends up fine. Live a little people.

-- Post From My iPhone

Cramp cramp crampity cramp.

Still cramping and pressure. Still no nausea.

Before when I was in the constant state of two week waitdom, I wish and hoped that I wouldn't have to worry about seeing any spots when I wiped... But here I am 8 weeks into babydom and I am still worried I will see it. Every bathroom break freaks me out. I don't believe I would have this kind of paranoid if I wasn't cramping twice a day.

Speaking of paranoia. I am a freak. Still concerned there won't be a baby in there for the ultrasound (empty sac) or that it's ectopic. Celia and my mother in law have tried to calm my nerves a bit....it's too late to be ectopic and the chances of an empty sac are small so I should stop with the crazy. Pretty soon (yah! 6 days till ultrasound) I will switch my crazy to will the baby have ten toes and if down syndrome is possible (my aunt has it...does it run in the family?)

Oh. I have been banned from doctor google. People think it's making me worse.

-- Post From My iPhone

Spending my time paranoid.

Speaking of that cramping.

I got a wee bit of a shoulder pain on the way home and nearly died of a panic attack.
Cramps and shoulder pain equal eptopic...right? My doctor seems to think all is well, but dr google still riddles the brain with what ifs.

All google readings indicate that the pain should worsen. My cramps have stayed the same since day one, and the shoulder tip pain only lasted a few minutes.

I wish I was able to relate to someone who hasn't experienced the full borage of symptoms but has experienced the things I have... so I can know it's just not me... And that a live baby can come out of all of this.

God I'm paranoid.
-- Post From My iPhone

Firsts

This morning...

First 4:30 am natural wakeup... Which I could kill my body and mind for doing. This should not continue if I want to stay a positive and pleasant person.

First pregnancy dream... Well I had the baby and wasn't able to care for and didn't have anything ready for the baby. Like no binkie and no milk supply...etc.

Still experiencing the cramping, sometimes it is worse then other times...but no bleeding so no worries.

Starting to think of myself as "pregnant" which is cool. I only have a week to the ultrasound to make sure everything is on course and a-ok. Ash is still terrified it's twins, he is one of those planners when it comes to finances.... Twins is like a financial bomb to him. Twice the diapers, twice the cars at 16, twice the college tuition and all at the same time. Plus the daycare would make it nearly impossible for me to work, dropping our income about 1600 a month. We could make it work by maybe having that neighbor watch both... But how much would you offer for one child or two? It would probably be Wednesdays from 4-10, fridays from 4-10 and Sundays 4-7. This is under the assumption that a grandparent would watch the baby on Saturdays (either 4 or 6 hours). Seems like so little...

-- Post From My iPhone