Sibling jealously

Baby was born last night. I am officially an aunt and officially jealous of my brother. I didn't really get jealous of the pregnancy, just the aftermath of being able to hold a baby in your arms and know that they are yours to raise and love.

I feel badly for my dad, he's officially is a grandpa for the first time but my brother has sided with my mom and they aren't speaking. He didn't even get a email, text, or a phone call. I forwarded the information as I received it including pictures. I tried to broach the subject with my brother and my mom but just got dead response. I kniw that they should be able to feel what they feel, but this is an important milestone and one that should mend fences, not make taller ones. It makes me feel like when it's my turn that I should return the favor, but I'm not like that and unfortunately the only thing I can do is try to involve my dad as much as possible when it's us having the baby so he can really enjoy being a grandpa.

But, I can't wait to meet my newest family member, all said and done.

-- Post From My iPhone

Baby woes

Big family gathering Sunday and the introduction to life with new babies. The family was gaga, and I was able to get a few good moments with tempie. It was extremely trying emotionally to see my dad, who is hands down the one who yearns for grand baby most, hold her. A few comments brought me to a tear or two, I know no one meant it but sometimes no matter how you say something it can still hurt.

I must say that I never expected to find such a friend in my cousin...until she was pregnant we didn't have much in common. But, she is by far the most understanding and can just look at me and tell how I'm taking things. She's also the first to come to my rescue and help me get off of my lonely pity hill. During a rather fussy baby moment we snuck to a quiet room with baby and she did what only she can do best, make me feel okay and hopeful.

When I finally do get pregnant, I can't wait to share my experiences with her and look to her for guidance.... A new long life friendship has come out of all of this quiet rage of why me.


-- Post From My iPhone

And the stress keeps a coming...

I don't know if I have the full energy to get into this now, but I'm a little stressed out from a phone call I just had with my mom and well, this blog is for stress ranting, so bear with me.

My mother and father split up back when I was 2. Both parties were in the wrong, in my opinion, and hell, they were very young. My mom moved us away and changed our last names to reflect her new husband by the time I was five. We referred to my father as sperm donor until I was 20, if we ever mentioned him at all. Throughout these years, I heard horror stories about how awful he and his family were, and at 18 I thought he wanted to kidnap me. When I was 20, I accidentally found him through his sister that we had limited contact with as children.

Turns out he wasn't this crazed manaic I had envisioned. Over the following 7 years (this june) I tried to understand his point of view while ducking the hatred coming from my mother for talking to him. Like I said, both parties were young, and after a lot of soul searching and questions on my part, I chose to keep him in my life.

This is the overlying issue that seems to cloud over my feelings for my mom's side of the family. Comments always seem to be made about how they feel about me talking to him, or how much they don't like him. I don't always take them well, I mean this is the person I now call my father. Plus, my father's side never has anything ill to say about my mother or that side of the family, so it just seems a little lopsided.

Conversations with my mom always seem to get to this point, where we hash over the same old stuff over and over, especially this topic. Hence, the blog post about tonight's phone call.

Blah Blah Blah (underlying guilt comment) blah blah blah...really that's not what I meant it to be...blah blah blah blah.

I may go more into depth about all of this in the coming months as Ash and my main concern is bringing our own child into a mix of "Grandpa's the devil" kind of conversations my mom's side may (or may not) seep into our child's brain. Ash's opinion is that it will lead to us never leaving a baby alone with that side of the family (both for this reason, and our difference in religion...he's pretty sure they'll be told that their parents are the devil too).

I ended up hanging up on her (it often leads to that) and after many texts and voicemails, I finally responded....in a text: Either live with it or risk causing harm. I'll let her make her own judgment as to what it means.

Boooh. I just want some wine right now.

Not too bad...

The baby shower really wasn't a super experience, but it also wasn't awful. My step mom was ogling after one of my cousins who is glowing with pregnancy (not the one the shower was for) and I can tell you that was the most painful part...watching her wishing to be a grandma. The baby shower was good, my other cousin didn't know she was pregnant until she was about 5 months along so there wasn't much prep time in ways of finances and planning for the upcoming babe. Everyone really put forth an effort to make sure she would have what she needed to start her new family.

I forgot my camera, which I always do it seems. I had found a great picture from Making it Lovely, where her sister had made decorations using a clothesline, pins, and outfits. Our version turned out well, less handmade items and more cute onesies, but I loved it. My cupcakes were a hit, I was worried but they turned out! Hopefully someone took pictures so I can post them here.

Surprise! Announcements Cont...

Another Good Surprise Option:

Easter Coming Up? Bring your parents an easter basket as a gift to celebrate the holiday. Amidst the candies (I suggest Cadbury Bunny Eggs, the absolute best indulgence on earth) place a few plastic eggs with hidden messages inside instead of candy... Write messages for each one - "Nope, not this one!" "Try Again" "Almost there"... and finally "We're Pregnant!"

Continued... Surprise! Suggestions

Earlier, I started a post on how to announce a baby is coming to your loved ones...
hopefully over the coming posts, you'll find some of this tidbits helpful.

Big Family Gathering

Gather the family and let them in on the secret by giving them a shirt with the iron on saying "What are you looking at GRANDPA & GRANDMA" and you wearing a "Yep" it may take a minute, but eventually he'll get it!

Baseball Game

If you've got the funds, think about getting an announce up at a game. Either pay for the big "Hey dad, we're pregnant!" for the scoreboard, or bring your own sign and open it up for the cameras to catch (bringing you on the screen and he will suddenly see it's not "Go Mariners" you're holding).

"Hey I need your help with the car..."

Stop by your dad's and get him to help you with something in your car. Let him know you are trying to install a new gadget and it's just not working. Once you get out there, open the back seat and let him "see" the new gadget....a car seat.

Key Funding

Surprise your parents with a card "just because" and inside, place a gas gift card. Explain to them... you'll be needing this as we'll be needing you to come visit your new grandchild!

Surprise! How to tell the ones you love...

You're Pregnant. How do you tell everyone? The internet is filled with small, mediocre ways of surprising the hubby, the newly branded grandparents, and the other assortments of folks you may know and want privy to such information. Over the years, I've come up with some decent ways of announcing this wee bit of excitement...

Dads / Grandpas

Does he happen to work in Construction? Get him a new tool belt filled with all of the new tools he'll need...diapers, wipes, bottle, teether.

New Grandparents

Take pictures from a recent family gathering, holiday time, vacation, anything you can think of and go to MyPublisher or Snapfish and make a book... use the last page as a place to put an ultrasound picture or a "addition coming soon " page.

Technically...

Technically we've only been trying for 30 days now...if you want to get even more technical we've only been trying for two weeks since that's around the time that egg became ripe even to want to think about becoming a baby. Most of our friends and family know we are at this stage....yet every time I talk to them on the phone or in person, their first question is "Are you PREGNANT yet?" Really? REALLY? It can take up to a year for an average couple to conceive, we are not SUPER HUMANS! In fact, with the traveling my husband has to do for work, and our completely opposite schedules, we're lucky to get it on twice a week....and that's if we are lucky....

The Hunt Begins

If I wasn't thinking about babies constantly already, and wondering to myself, what the F^%& is wrong with me for not producing a duplicate in a more timely matter....

Being the oldest child, oldest grandchild, oldest cousin.... friend who got married first.... it was expected that I procreate as quick as humanly possible. Everyone is in constant reminder that we were not willing to conceive in the past due to finances, and now that we have finally decided to dive in and just do it, it seems that people have forgotten that it can take some god damn time.

There's only a twenty percent chance of making babe a month, even if we are totally on it and get to the baby making on schedule. I'm not interested in standing on my head, or checking my temperature every morning and running around on all the baby forums talking TTC and whatever other codes momwannabes make up.

When it happens it happens, just everyone else STOP producing so I can get a chance at the limelight.....when I'm good and ready.